Best comebacks/"zing" in Trek?

[Monty_66]

I think it's from the Voyager episode 'Night' (but I may be wrong) where Paris attempts to involve Seven in his Captain Proton program...

Robot: Citizen of Earth...Surrender, do not resist!

Seven of Nine: I am Borg. (Dismantles and deactivates the robot in two seconds).
The robot has been neutralised, may I leave now?

From 'In The Flesh'...

Doctor: Optimism Seven! Try to look on the bright side.

Seven of Nine: In Earth's Third World War, nuclear weapons accounted for 600
million casualties. Were they looking on 'the bright side'?

 

[Damask]

Always liked these

Dukat: "Then I'll make it simple. A few days ago I swore all Cardassia lost would be regained. That space station you're so fond of was built by Cardassia."

Sisko: "Funny. I thought it was built by Bajoran slave labor!"

Odo: Unfortunately, these things happen.
Worf: They did not happen on the Enterprise!

Odo: Really? Well, let me see. Stardate 46235.7: Ferengi privateers led by Damon Luren boarded and seized control of the Enterprise by using two Klingon Birds of Prey. Stardate 45349.1: Burlingoff Rasmussen, a petty criminal impersonating a scientist, committed numerous acts of theft against the crew of the Enterprise. Shall I continue

 

[Rush Limborg]

One of my favorite Worf lines--because his query is mine.

From TNG's "11001001"*, after Riker gives him the insanely overused platitude about It Doesn't Matter Whether You Win Or Lose--It's How You Play The Game:

Worf: If winning is not important...than Commander, why keep score?



*(Yes...I know the exact title by heart, without having to check if I got the numbers right. *sigh*)

 

[Praxius]

Kirk - "Excuse me… Excuse me. I’d just like to ask a question… What does God need with a starship?"

Picard - "What we leave behind is as important as how we’ve lived. After all, Number One, we’re only mortal."
Riker - "Speak for yourself, sir. I plan to live forever."

Picard to Data - "I would be delighted to offer any advice I can on understanding women. When I have some, I’ll let you know."

Kirk - "Spock, where the hell’s the power you promised?"
Spock - "One damn minute, Admiral."

Data to the Borg Queen - "Believing oneself to be perfect is often the sign of a delusional mind."

Garak - "The truth is usually just an excuse for a lack of imagination."

Kirk - "Come on. Spock, why didn't you jump in?"
Spock - "I was trying to comprehend the meaning of the words."
McCoy - "It's a song, you green-blooded...Vulcan. You sing it. The words aren't important. What's important is that you have a good time singing it."
Spock - "Oh, I am sorry, Doctor. Were we having a good time?"
McCoy - "God, I liked him better before he died."

Tuvok - "I am curious. Have the Q always had had an absence of manners, or is it the result of some natural evolutionary process that comes with omnipotence?"

Seska - "I won't play these games with the trick of light."
The Doctor - "Sticks and stones won't break my bones, so you can imagine how I feel about being called names."

 

[TiberiusMaximus]

Riker, to Worf: Besides, you look good in a dress.

 

[Robert D. Robot]

This is more of a 'visual' zing, but I think it may still count. I think it was meant to be a little tip of the hat to what John Belushi's character "Bluto" did at the frat party in "Animal House":

After suffering through Geordi's attempt to play a lute in Sherwood Forest in "Qpid", Worf grabs the lute, smashes it against a tree, and then somewhat apologetically hands it back to Geordi and simply says,

"Sorry."

 

[TiberiusMaximus]

Not exactly a comeback, but there's always "Assimilate THIS!" and Data's "Resistance is futile!"

And another thread reminded me of this one...

Odo: "Is that against Starfleet regulations?"
Primmim: "As a matter of fact, it is."
Odo: "Well I'm not in Starfleet."

 

[indolover]

"That doesn't give you the right to enter Federation space!"
"Silence your dog, Captain!"

"Seems the Dominion is not as solid as is portrayed."
"The Dominion has endured for ten thousand years, and shall continue to endure long after the Federation has crumbled into dust."

"Commander. I know what you're going through. I've once had to choose between duty, and loyalty to my people."
"I know, I've read your Starfleet security file."

 

[Shatnertage]

A bit of an extended comeback, from "Hollow Pursuits:"

When Riker and Troi join LaForge on the holodeck looking for Barclay, and Riker doesn't see the humor in Fake Short Riker. He orders the computer to terminate, but Troi belays the order, saying that it'll cause shock, and can provide some insight, blah blah blah. She looks very satisfied with herself.

Then they bump into the Goddess of Empathy, and Troi wants the computer to terminate, and Riker, with a devlish grin, belays the order.

I really liked that one.

 

[DonIago]

No mention of Bashir and Garak's "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" exchange yet?

 

[Finn]

A bit of an extended comeback, from "Hollow Pursuits:"

When Riker and Troi join LaForge on the holodeck looking for Barclay, and Riker doesn't see the humor in Fake Short Riker. He orders the computer to terminate, but Troi belays the order, saying that it'll cause shock, and can provide some insight, blah blah blah. She looks very satisfied with herself.

Then they bump into the Goddess of Empathy, and Troi wants the computer to terminate, and Riker, with a devlish grin, belays the order.

I really liked that one.

Troi didn't get the computer to belay Riker's order. The Mini-Riker disappeared. But Riker's reaction was great after that yes

 

[Silvercrest]

Spock: Pardon me, Doctor, I am receiving a number of distress calls.
McCoy: I don't doubt it.

 

[Destructor]

Spock: Pardon me, Doctor, I am receiving a number of distress calls.
McCoy: I don't doubt it.

The zingers between Spock and McCoy could fill an entire thread as well!

I always liked Spock's smackdown to Trelane:

"I object to you. I object to intellect without discipline. I object to power without constructive purpose."

Such a badass.

 

[Chris3123]

MCCOY: "There's just one thing, Mister Spock. You can't tell me that when you first saw Jim alive that you weren't on the verge of giving us an emotional scene that would have brought the house down."
SPOCK: "Merely my quite logical relief that Starfleet had not lost a highly proficient captain."
KIRK: "Yes, Mister Spock. I understand."
SPOCK: "Thank you, Captain."
MCCOY: "Of course, Mister Spock, your reaction was quite logical."
SPOCK: "Thank you, Doctor."
MCCOY: "In a pig's eye!"

 

[Rush Limborg]

^Believe it or not...Bone's zinger at the end was pure ad-lib!


Okay...now, for those of you who were wondering how long it would be before I brought up Ezri...it's my fourth post.

So--from "Field of Fire", when Ezri discovers to her charmed amusement that Worf's been stalking her:

Ezri: Oh--Worf....

Worf: It is late. You should be in your quarters.

Ezri: (frowning, looking at him intently) Were you...following me?

Worf: It is...dangerous for you to be walking the Promenade alone.

Ezri: (blinks, a smile forming) You were--worried about me...?

Worf: There is a killer at loose on this station--you have no right to endanger yourself in this way!

Ezri: (nodding, eyes sparkling) You were worried about me! (Worf turns away, as Ezri's tone softens) Thank you, Worf. That's...sweet!

Worf: You are a fellow officer--I would have the same concern for Chief O'Brien...or-or Doctor Bashir!

Ezri: (shaking her head) Of course...I didn't mean to imply otherwise.

Worf: Then we understand each other.

Ezri: (shakes her head again) Perfectly.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Spock: Pardon me, Doctor, I am receiving a number of distress calls.
McCoy: I don't doubt it.

 

[sbk1234]

McCoy: "That green-blooded son of a bitch. It's his revenge for all those arguments he lost."

 

[Rush Limborg]

Sulu: Keepin' ya busy?

Grande: Don't get smart...Tiny.

(Sulu discombobulates Grande. Physical recovery, six weeks.

Full psychological recovery--six months.

Capacity to discriminate on the basis of size--neutralized.)

Sulu: Don't call me "Tiny".

 

[DonIago]

(laughs) I'd pay to see that scene redone in Holmes-vision.

 

[Rush Limborg]

Oh, heck yes!

All the way down to Sulu looking up at the big guy, just after the notorious insult--with George Takei doing a voice-over, "This musn't register on an emotional level."




Somehow, though...I'd say it more appropriately fits, say, Julian Bashir--considering his genetically enhanced intellect.

It sure would help explain his calmly talking down Worf in "Afterimage" ("You have no right to tell me who not to spend my time with.")--even though the latter is pinning him against the wall. Julian knows he can neutralize Worf right away--and he knows Worf knows it--and his tone is, "Worf, back off, and let...me...go. You and I both know this will not end well."