Bad Transcript: Star Trek 2009 (satire)

[Alex1939]

I liked (but did not love) the new movie. Not sure if this has been posted here or not, but I thought it was really funny and the best "hater review" of the new movie.

I'm pretty new to this forum but I'm surprised by how polarizing this film is on both sides. I find it impossible to believe that anyone could say this was the "best" or "worst" star trek movie ever made. Obviously some are, but I think thats ridiculous.

Anyway, thoughts on this "bad transcript"?

http://bbot.org/badtranscript-startrek.html

 

[Silent_Bob]

Re: The best "hater" review.

I liked (but did not love) the new movie. Not sure if this has been posted here or not, but I thought it was really funny and the best "hater review" of the new movie.

I'm pretty new to this forum but I'm surprised by how polarizing this film is on both sides. I find it impossible to believe that anyone could say this was the "best" or "worst" star trek movie ever made. Obviously some are, but I think thats ridiculous.

Anyway, thoughts on this "bad transcript"?

http://bbot.org/badtranscript-startrek.html

I've not seen anyone on here call it the "worst Star Trek" film. Both sides still seem to agree that that honour should belong to either Insurrection or Nemesis.

 

[M'Sharak]

Re: The best "hater" review.

...

Anyway, thoughts on this "bad transcript"?

http://bbot.org/badtranscript-startrek.html

I've only read about half of it, but it's pretty funny -- kind of like a "Five-Minute Voyager" version of the movie, only snarkier.

 

[Cdr MacDuff]

Re: The best "hater" review.

JIMMY BENNETT
I hope the audience is enjoying watching me dangle from a cliff by my fingertips, because they're going to be seeing a lot of it.

 

[stonester1]

Re: The best "hater" review.

My vote for worst is still TFF, hands down. I can watch the other two w/o wanting an adult beverage.

 

[SalvorHardin]

Re: The best "hater" review.

I've not seen anyone on here call it the "worst Star Trek" film. Both sides still seem to agree that that honour should belong to either Insurrection or Nemesis.

Actually, no. I've seen a few calling it the worst, even below Nemesis etc

 

[Kruge]

Re: The best "hater" review.

I wasn't the best Trek...in my humble opinion, it was much better than any TNG-era movie, and falls right behind TWOK

Still a fine action film though, and I think out of the prequels I've seen in the past few years (Batman Begins comes to mind), this one gets me the most excited about the future of this Alternate Trek

 

[Admiral Buzzkill]

Re: The best "hater" review.

I think it may be the best Star Trek film - it's far and away the best-made and most expansive of the films. I'm sentimentally attached to TWOK, but that may be the only thing protecting its "best" status.

I mean, come on - look at the rest of 'em. How steep a hill do you think "best" is to climb, here?

 

[Alex1939]

Re: The best "hater" review.

Pretty steep.

After TWOK, I'd easily put TUC above this film. A much better story, albeit a political one. A great ending.

The search for spock, I'd easily put that above new trek as well. The scenes where Kirk and co. have to steal the Enterprise. The scenes with Kirk and the Klingons.

Personally, I thought First Contact was much better as well.

Dennis, you're acting like all star trek movies have sucked before. This new movie did a lot of things great, effects (love the new warp and transporter effects)... but the overall story plot is swiss cheese. I can't say the same about the other movies I listed, certainly not to the degree of the new movie.


Anyway, glad some people got some laughs out of that review, know I did. Thought it did a nice job of slamming the movie and summing up why I don't find it "perfect" or best ever like some.

 

[Trekker4747]

Re: The best "hater" review.

"Don't hypo-spray me, bones!"

 

[Alex1939]

Re: The best "hater" review.

"Don't hypo-spray me, bones!"

Except it's "Brones!"

 

[Jedi Marso]

Re: The best "hater" review.



Pine: "Great, I'm captain. Now what?"

Pegg: "Let's go to the Winchester!"

 

[Trekker4747]

Re: The best "hater" review.

CHEKOV: "Eef ve are coming out ov warps in Tetons ahtmozphere, ve Romulans can not ve detecting us."



ESCAPE POD: "[Spock] totally stranded you here, because he's a total dick. Also: if you go outside you will die."

KIK: "Whatever, I do what I want!"

KIRK goes outside and is almost immediately attacked by a TAUN-TAUN.



I loved this Star Trek movie, but I also love snarky reviews like this.



SULU: "Why do they have to drill a hole for the singularity? And how are they managing to bore a hole in liquid rock?"

DIRECTOR J.J. ABRAMS: "Shut up, NERD."

 

[Cryogenic]

Re: The best "hater" review.

Pretty darn good, though the author barely ripped on half the things he could have. This movie just has so much to offer even an amateur satirist, in my opinion.

 

[Cdr MacDuff]

Re: The best "hater" review.

Its not a hater review. Its only a parody/satire (with sarcasm). Theres some funny quote in this script.

CAPTAIN BRUCE GREENWOOD walks in and saves CHRIS's dumb ass.


BRUCE GREENWOOD: CHRIS, you should enlist. Starfleet needs more wildly overconfident hotheaded alpha male rebels. Plus, your test scores were amazing.


BRUCE looks directly at the AUDIENCE.


BRUCE GREENWOOD: CHRIS is smart.

BRUCE GREENWOOD: CHRIS, I want you and JOHN CHO, as well as a literal redshirt, to go down and blow up that drill thing.


ZACHARY QUINTO: Rather than shoot it with a torpedo or something, we have to risk the lives of the first officer, the pilot, and the chief engineer?
...

...

CHRIS PINE
I hope I get to dangle from something by my fingertips!

"Fingertips" should be Kirk's middle name.

ZACH easily destroys the plasma drill, something that the united militaries of Earth apparently found impossible, then flies the red matter ship into ERIC's ship, creating a singularity which begins to consume it.

Its a fair(-er) criticism, I found the future Romulan, Vulcan and Federation much helpless in this movie. Obviously it was to let the Star Trek crew shine, but it seem a little much.

 

[Trekker4747]

Re: The best "hater" review.

[Winona Kirk]: 'I'm fucking giving birth, you fucker. Where the fuck are you?"



[Uhura]: "Planet destroyed, mother dead? Sounds like a good time to awkwardly half make-out."

They DO THAT. The AUDIENCE shift uncomfortably in their seats.



[Kirk]: "Hey, we'll totally save you."

[Nero]: "Fuck off."

 

[Alex1939]

Re: The best "hater" review.

Its not a hater review. Its only a parody/satire (with sarcasm). Theres some funny quote in this script.

Well that's true and a more accurate description, but I still consider it a negative review. Glad people are finding it funny

I think it does a good job of poking fun at the problems in ST11.

 

[Trekker4747]

Re: The best "hater" review.

Parody of this manner is hardly positive or negative as it's just a parody.

All of the countless reviess of TOS over the years were hardly "negative reviews" of that series, but just winks at the audience over some of the sillier aspects and moments.

One could probably argue such "review" are more positive than negative.

 

[Alex1939]

Re: The best "hater" review.

Parody of this manner is hardly positive or negative as it's just a parody.

All of the countless reviess of TOS over the years were hardly "negative reviews" of that series, but just winks at the audience over some of the sillier aspects and moments.

One could probably argue such "review" are more positive than negative.

Although the link I provided is extremely humorous (to me at least), it also shows the flaws of the movie; which are it's ridiculous stupid storyline and gaping plot holes. (and like I said, I really did enjoy the movie... the story just doesn't offer much, but effects, action, pacing, characters for the most part, the background of the heroes <but not villain> all great)

Other than that statement, I have no desire to debate whether or not the link is a review or not (which I admit is more of a parody) or whether it is positive or negative. Everyone can make up his or her own mind on that.

 

[M'Sharak]

Re: The best "hater" review.

Parody of this manner is hardly positive or negative as it's just a parody.

All of the countless reviess of TOS over the years were hardly "negative reviews" of that series, but just winks at the audience over some of the sillier aspects and moments.

One could probably argue such "review" are more positive than negative.

Although the link I provided is extremely humorous (to me at least), it also shows the flaws of the movie; which are it's ridiculous stupid storyline and gaping plot holes. (and like I said, I really did enjoy the movie... the story just doesn't offer much, but effects, action, pacing, characters for the most part, the background of the heroes <but not villain> all great)

Other than that statement, I have no desire to debate whether or not the link is a review or not (which I admit is more of a parody) or whether it is positive or negative. Everyone can make up his or her own mind on that.

It's satire, which has traditionally functioned as both parody and commentary.

CHRIS PINE
I hope I get to dangle from something by my fingertips!

"Fingertips" should be Kirk's middle name.

James Fingertiberius Kirk?