Bad song lyrics

[Mr. Laser Beam]

I think I post this every time this topic pops up, but (much as I love the song) this line in Gordon Lightfoot's "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" always stands out:

"As the big freighters go she was bigger than most"

It's like he was trying to think of a good analogy and then just gave up and left it as it was.

That is one of my favorite songs of all time.

Strangely enough, when Gordon came to Omaha last year, that was one of the first songs he did. I would have thought he'd save it for last.

That being said, how about lines like this:

"That big ship and crew, was a bone to be chewed"?

 

[Goliath]

The worst lyricist I've ever heard was a Christian singer-songwriter named David Ingles.

My mother loved his stuff after she converted to Pentecostalism. She played his LPs until they wore out, and played them LOUD.

I couldn't stand the sound of them. To me, they were like nails on a chalkboard.

One of Ingles' worst offences to the ear was entitled "Keep the Switch of Faith Turned On."

To get the full effect, imagine this being sung to a march tune: Dum Da-Dum Da-Dum Dum Dum, Dum Da-Dum Da-Dum Dum Dum...

Chorus
Keep the switch of faith turned on
Keep the switch of faith turned on
Cast not away your confidence
Keep the switch of faith turned on

Verse 1 (Spoken)
Lay hold in faith
On the promise of God
And on His provisions

(Sung)
Pay no attention to your head
Circumstance or physical position
When the question comes
From a neighbor or friend
How you feelin' today
Answer them back with a Bible quotation
Don't let your mouth
Put you away

Chorus

Verse 2 (Spoken)
You have authority over principalities
Don't let them steal you blind
They'll try to draw you
To the soulish arena
The realm of the mind
Stay right where you are
Confess your faith
I believe I receive it now

(Sung)
Your faith will give
Substance to the things you desire
You'll have it through God's own pow'r

Chorus

Yes, folks: "now" rhymes with "pow'r".

I don't dislike all Christian music. I have a lot of sacred classical music, and some of the contemporary stuff is actually quite nice. As George Costanza said: "it's very positive."

But David Ingles...

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

The absolute worst lyrics I have ever heard?

4' 33" by John Cage.

Vile, vile stuff. Total, absolute filth.

 

[PKTrekGirl]

Can't believe this one hasn't been mentioned yet:

1. MacArther Park:

Someone left the cake out in the RAIN!!!!
I don't think that I can TAKE it! Cus it took so long to BAKE it!
And I'll never have that recipe AGAIN!!!! Oh NOOOOOOOOO!

Really, guys, this sorta sets the benchmark for sucktitude, wouldn't you agree?


2. I am, I said:

I am, I SAID!
To no one THERE!
And no one heard at all, not even the CHAIR!

This song constituted an all-time low for Neil Diamond. Stunningly bad. Seriously. "But Neil!!!! WHAT DOES IT MEAN?????"


3. And just for the controversy factor, I'll remind you all of this Paul MacCartney stunner:

Someone's knockin' at the door!
Somebody's ringin' the bell!
Someone's knockin' at the door!
Somebody's ringin' the bell!
Do me a favor! Open the door!
And let 'em INNNNNNNNN!!!!


I wonder what Paul was smokin' during this period of his life that allowed him to believe that this was a good song.


4. The last song I'll add is The Lion Sleeps Tonight:

I don't know all the words to this one, but the part where they tell their 'darling' to hush because the lion is sleeping, and then start screeching at the top of their lungs:

A weema-whip, A weema-whip

over and over really high-pitched and loud seems kind of contrary to the instructions given the 'darling'. More than sufficient, I would guess, than what would be required to wake said lion.

Just sayin'.


Yes, folks, really bad lyrics are not a new thing. Ask anyone who had to listen to Helen Reddy or Paul Anka in their youth:

Having my BABY!
What a lovely way of saying how much you LOVE me!

(I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. And that is even before I start contemplating the lyrics to "Muskrat Love", which, for all you young pups, is a song about muskrats having sex.)

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

I didn't want to have to do this, but...

Muskrat Suzy
Muskrat Sam
Doin' the jitterbug
Out in muskrat land

Floatin' like the heavens above, looks like
MUSKRAT
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE

 

[PKTrekGirl]

I didn't want to have to do this, but...

Muskrat Suzy
Muskrat Sam
Doin' the jitterbug
Out in muskrat land

Floatin' like the heavens above, looks like
MUSKRAT
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE

Oh god! He added the actual lyrics! No doubt about it. This is one terrible song.

Here is the whole thing, just so the younger set can get the full scope of this song's utter badness:

Muskrat, muskrat candlelight
Doin' the town and doin' it right
In the evenin'
It's pretty pleasin'

Muskrat Susie, Muskrat Sam
Do the jitterbug out in muskrat land
And they shimmy
And Sammy's so skinny

And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed
Singin' and jingin' the jango
Floatin' like the heavens above
It looks like muskrat love

Nibbling on bacon, chewin' on cheese
Sammy says to Susie "Honey, would you please be my missus?"
And she say yes
With her kisses

And now he's ticklin' her fancy
Rubbin' her toes
Muzzle to muzzle, now anything goes
As they wriggle, and Sue starts to giggle

And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed
Singin' and jingin' the jango
Floatin' like the heavens above
It looks like muskrat love

La da da da da ...

​

Seriously terrible, huh?


And what about "Afternoon Delight"? That is another one that makes me wanna hurl:

Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight
gonna grab some afternoon delight.
My motto's always been; when it's right, it's right.
Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night.
When everything's a little clearer in the light of day.
And you know the night is always gonna be there any way.

Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight. Afternoon delight.

Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite
looking forward to a little afternoon delight.
Rubbin' sticks and stones together makes the sparks ingite
and the thought of rubbin' you is getting so exciting.

Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight. Afternoon delight.

Started out this morning feeling so polite
I always though a fish could not be caught who wouldn't bite
But you've got some bait a waitin' and I think I might try nibbling
a little afternoon delight.

Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight. Afternoon delight.


This song is truly vile.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

A weema-whip, A weema-whip

I think I'll order one of those the next time I go to Dairy Queen.

 

[PKTrekGirl]

A weema-whip, A weema-whip

I think I'll order one of those the next time I go to Dairy Queen.

I have no idea at all what that lyric is supposed to be. But it sure is annoying. As soon as that guy started screeching that at the top of his lungs, I used to start frantically mashing buttons to change the radio station, back in the day.

I HATE that song. It is really grating, I think.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

^ AFAIK the word is actually "Wimoweh". I have absolutely no idea what it means.

Now: I know a lot of people probably hate this song, but I love it. At least the Sacha Baron Cohen version:

I like to move it, move it
I like to move it, move it
I like to move it, move it
You like to...MOVE IT!

 

[PKTrekGirl]

^ I don't really mind that one. You know one song I detest that everyone seems to like is Rod Stewart's Tonight's the Night:

Stay away from my window
Stay away from my back door too
Disconnect the telephone line
Relax baby and draw that blind

Kick off your shoes and sit right down
Loosen off that pretty French gown
Let me pour you a good long drink
Ooh baby don't you hesitate cause

Tonights the night
It's gonna be alright
Cause I love you girl
Ain't nobody gonna stop us now

C'mon angel my hearts on fire
Don't deny your man's desire
You'd be a fool to stop this tide
Spread your wings and let me come inside

Tonights the night
It's gonna be alright
Cause I love you girl
Ain't nobody gonna stop us now

Don't say a word my virgin child
Just let your inhibitions run wild
The secret is about to unfold
Upstairs before the night's too old

Tonights the night
It's gonna be alright
Cause I love you woman
Ain't nobody gonna stop us now

I seriously cannot get why any female would like this song. "Spread your wings and let me come inside"???????? Jesus, what a douchebag!

 

[scotpens]

Can't believe this one hasn't been mentioned yet:

1. MacArther Park:

Someone left the cake out in the RAIN!!!!
I don't think that I can TAKE it! Cus it took so long to BAKE it!
And I'll never have that recipe AGAIN!!!! Oh NOOOOOOOOO!

Really, guys, this sorta sets the benchmark for sucktitude, wouldn't you agree?

Agreed. It's songwriter Jimmy Webb at his most pretentious and pseudo-poetic. The only thing worse than the song itself is Richard Harris' rendition of it. He sounded like a bad melodramatic actor trying to sing while someone had a tight grip on his balls.

The last song I'll add is The Lion Sleeps Tonight:

I don't know all the words to this one, but the part where they tell their 'darling' to hush because the lion is sleeping, and then start screeching at the top of their lungs:

A weema-whip, A weema-whip

over and over really high-pitched and loud seems kind of contrary to the instructions given the 'darling'. More than sufficient, I would guess, than what would be required to wake said lion.

The repetitive chant is actually “Owimoweh” or “Wimoweh.” It's a South African folk song written in the 1930s, later recorded by Pete Seeger and the Weavers and by the Kingston Trio. New lyrics were written for the Tokens' 1961 version.

I seriously cannot get why any female would like this song. “Spread your wings and let me come inside”???????? Jesus, what a douchebag!

That line sounds like a dirty joke. And what about “Just let your inhibitions run wild”? That doesn't even make sense!

And what about “Afternoon Delight”? That is another one that makes me wanna hurl.

Just reading it makes me feel like vomiting.

Funny thing is, the song sounds so mellow and syrupy-sweet, a lot of people heard it several times before they realized it was about grabbing some daytime nookie!

Yes, folks, really bad lyrics are not a new thing. Ask anyone who had to listen to Helen Reddy or Paul Anka in their youth:

Having my BABY!
What a lovely way of saying how much you LOVE me!

The spectacularly untalented Paul Anka was also responsible for this offensive piece of tripe:

Well she's all you'd ever want
She's the kind they'd like to flaunt and take to dinner
Well she always knows her place
She's got style, she's got grace, She's a winner
She's a lady. Whoa whoa whoa, she's a lady.
Talkin' about that little lady, and the lady is mine.

(Although Helen Reddy's shrill, strident feminist anthem “I Am Woman” is no better.)

BTW, Paul Anka also wrote the lyrics for the dreadful cliché-fest “My Way,” a song even Frank Sinatra thought was hokey.

 

[PKTrekGirl]

Can't believe this one hasn't been mentioned yet:

1. MacArther Park:

Someone left the cake out in the RAIN!!!!
I don't think that I can TAKE it! Cus it took so long to BAKE it!
And I'll never have that recipe AGAIN!!!! Oh NOOOOOOOOO!

Really, guys, this sorta sets the benchmark for sucktitude, wouldn't you agree?

Agreed. It's songwriter Jimmy Webb at his most pretentious and pseudo-poetic. The only thing worse than the song itself is Richard Harris' rendition of it. He sounded like a bad melodramatic actor trying to sing while someone had a tight grip on his balls.

The last song I'll add is The Lion Sleeps Tonight:

I don't know all the words to this one, but the part where they tell their 'darling' to hush because the lion is sleeping, and then start screeching at the top of their lungs:

A weema-whip, A weema-whip

over and over really high-pitched and loud seems kind of contrary to the instructions given the 'darling'. More than sufficient, I would guess, than what would be required to wake said lion.

The repetitive chant is actually “Owimoweh” or “Wimoweh.” It's a South African folk song written in the 1930s, later recorded by Pete Seeger and the Weavers and by the Kingston Trio. New lyrics were written for the Tokens' 1961 version.

Yes, folks, really bad lyrics are not a new thing. Ask anyone who had to listen to Helen Reddy or Paul Anka in their youth:

Having my BABY!
What a lovely way of saying how much you LOVE me!

The spectacularly untalented Paul Anka was also responsible for this offensive piece of tripe:

Well she's all you'd ever want
She's the kind they'd like to flaunt and take to dinner
Well she always knows her place
She's got style, she's got grace, She's a winner
She's a lady. Whoa whoa whoa, she's a lady.
Talkin' about that little lady, and the lady is mine.

(Although Helen Reddy's shrill, strident feminist anthem “I Am Woman” is no better.)

BTW, Paul Anka also wrote the lyrics for the dreadful cliché-fest “My Way,” a song even Frank Sinatra thought was hokey.

Had forgotten about "She's a Lady". Those are indeed some pretty offensive lyrics. *nods*

As for the African thing, you are most probably correct as I stated I really didn't know the words. But the African word does not even really matter - it's the screeching of it that just makes me NUTS. Especially since, in the song, the singer has just told his 'darling' to be quiet.

Oh! And what about that song called "Feelings":

Feeeeeelings! Whoa, whoa, whoa, feeeeellllings!
I wish I'd never MET you GIRL!!!!
You'll never come AGAIN!!!!!



Agreed on Helen Reddy. That song was terrible. I want to say that there is another female singer from around that time who put out some equally horrible songs. Who did that one called Danny's Song?

Even though, we ain't got MONEY...
I'm so in love with you HONEY....
Everything will bring a chain of LO-uh-uh-uh-VE.

Man, the 70's were a seriously bad time for songs. Cus pretty much all of these are from then.

And we haven't even started on The Carpenters or Donny Osmond yet!

 

[scotpens]

. . . I want to say that there is another female singer from around that time who put out some equally horrible songs. Who did that one called Danny's Song?

Even though, we ain't got MONEY...
I'm so in love with you HONEY....
Everything will bring a chain of LO-uh-uh-uh-VE.

That was Anne Murray, a good singer, actually. The song was written by Kenny Loggins, and yep, it's pretty schmaltzy.

Man, the 70's were a seriously bad time for songs. Cus pretty much all of these are from then.

There's good music and bad music in every decade. Don't forget the ’70s also gave us Joni Mitchell, Jackson Browne, Steely Dan, most of The Who's best work, and the Eagles.

And we haven't even started on The Carpenters or Donny Osmond yet!

Richard and Karen Carpenter were talented musicians, even if their music was a bit on the treacly side. “We've Only Just Begun” -- originally written by Paul Williams for a Crocker Bank commercial -- is actually a good song, though it's been cheapened by being played at thousands of tacky weddings.

 

[PKTrekGirl]

. Man, the 70's were a seriously bad time for songs. Cus pretty much all of these are from then.

There's good music and bad music in every decade. Don't forget the ’70s also gave us Joni Mitchell, Jackson Browne, Steely Dan, most of The Who's best work, and the Eagles.

True, and I was a huge fan of The Eagles back in the day. Plus, the 70's where when my favorite of all time - Bruce Springsteen - was getting his start. And I want to say that Chicago was at it's peak at that time also. And Al Green was awesome! And I like The Commodores and Earth Wind & Fire....and even alot of The Jackson 5 stuff. So I'm not saying it was all bad.

I also thought these guys were awesome, but my mother wouldn't let me listen to them :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UypeE3zTwBs&feature=related

(as outlandish as Freddie Mercury was later on, these guys did it first)

My mother especially hated this song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f05e_ZUxR-M

"Make my funk the P-Funk. I wants to get funked up!" were not words many white-as-rice moms wanted to hear on their daughter's radio in the 70's.

Parliament was great! Come to think of it, Motown in general really put out a huge chunk of the best music of the 70's.

Still, between the woosie-song factor (Afternoon Delight, Muskrat Love, Tie a Yellow Ribbon, and anything by Barry Manilow, Neil Diamond, or John Denver sorts of songs) and the disco factor, it's hard to argue the fact that there were some seriously terrible songs put out during that time.

And speaking of disco, how about Donna Summer's "I...love to love you, BABY!" I think those are the only words to that entire song, sung over and over again in between all of her moaning. I think she has an orgasm right in the middle of the song.

And let's not forget ABBA. Dancing Queen is another disco song that I'd vote into my All Time Worst Song Ever Hall of Fame. In fact, Sweden ought to banned from the UN, just for letting this group out of their country and unleashing them on the rest of the world.

And then there is "Ring My Bell". Can't remember the girl who sings that, but it's a terrible disco song too.

And what about The Hustle? Just the thought of it makes my skin crawl.

With the possible exception of We Are Family (really, more funk than disco), Brick House (also more funk than disco, but anything by the Commodores was great!), I Will Survive, YMCA (okay, I love the Village People ) , & September (really, anything by Earth Wind & Fire is good), disco has precious little to recommend it. And yet, it pretty much dominated the second half of the 70's, thanks to the movie Saturday Night Fever.

 

[Brikar99]

Er-hem.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fSFuScNBeE

 

[scotpens]

And speaking of disco, how about Donna Summer's “I...love to love you, BABY!” I think those are the only words to that entire song, sung over and over again in between all of her moaning. I think she has an orgasm right in the middle of the song.

A precursor to the Donna Summer hit was the 1969 Serge Gainsbourg-Jane Birkin novelty number “Je t’aime . . . moi non plus” (“I Love You . . . Me Neither”), which consists entirely of a male and a female voice whispering passionately to each other over a cheesy organ melody, and culminating in orgasmic moans. (The title makes as much sense in French as it does in English.)

And let's not forget ABBA. Dancing Queen is another disco song that I'd vote into my All Time Worst Song Ever Hall of Fame.

Hey, wait just a darn minute. I like “Dancing Queen”! It's a catchy, well-produced pop song. In fact, it's one of my recurring earworms -- and I'm not even gay!

And then there is “Ring My Bell”. Can't remember the girl who sings that, but it's a terrible disco song too.

Anita Ward.

There were other good disco songs besides the ones you mention -- “I Love the Nightlife” by Alicia Bridges comes to mind. And of course, the whole Saturday Night Fever soundtrack by the Bee Gees, which effectively launched the disco craze.

 

[PKTrekGirl]

^ Well, I can buy into "I Love the Nightlife" - that's a pretty good song, granted. But I don't care for the Bee Gees or Saturday Night Fever. I think I was pretty much done with that movie and everything and everyONE associated with it by 1980.

It wasn't until Pulp Fiction that I could even bear to look at John Travolta.

I think that Saturday Night Fever craze went on for about 12 years...or at least it FELT like 12 years.

 

[Goliath]

The absolute worst lyrics I have ever heard?

4' 33" by John Cage.

Vile, vile stuff. Total, absolute filth.

 

[Thestral]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UypeE3zTwBs&feature=related... John Denver sorts of songs)

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

^ Well, I can buy into "I Love the Nightlife" - that's a pretty good song, granted. But I don't care for the Bee Gees or Saturday Night Fever.

I have a hard time forming an opinion of the Bee Gees 'cuz I can't bloody well understand Barry Gibb's voice!

That being said, as bad as most of the Bee Gees' lyrics were ("What you doin' on your back?" ), I do like this version of "Stayin' Alive" though.

[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e1kYJJ7Q5Zg[/yt]