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Bad Sexual Experiences?

Shatmandu

Shatmandu

Vice Admiral
Admiral
Hiya, folks.

What are some of your bad consenual sexual experiences with another human?

I dated a great young lady back in college, and I eventually discovered she had a vagina that smelled like a ziplock bag of burnt cabbage left out in the sun for a week.

No matter what, after a shower, whatever, it reeked. Even from a distance, during a blowjob, for instance, I would still catch a whiff and wince.

Even to a horny college twit like me, who would have fucked a bag of laundry if it had a hairy hole, it was very off-putting.

I did a little research and eventually brought it up, after drinking. She got mad, and that was that.

How's by you? Any bad sexual experiences?

Joe, Bruted
 
Shatmandu said:
Hiya, folks.

What are some of your bad consenual sexual experiences with another human?

I dated a great young lady back in college, and I eventually discovered she had a vagina that smelled like a ziplock bag of burnt cabbage left out in the sun for a week.

No matter what, after a shower, whatever, it reeked. Even from a distance, during a blowjob, for instance, I would still catch a whiff and wince.

Even to a horny college twit like me, who would have fucked a bag of laundry if it had a hairy hole, it was very off-putting.

I did a little research and eventually brought it up, after drinking. She got mad, and that was that.

How's by you? Any bad sexual experiences?

Joe, Bruted
Click to expand...

Ummmmm... that sounds like a yeast infection.

Actually, the way you describe it sounds exactly like a yeast infection.
 
I fell asleep when my partner went to use the bathroom. Particularly bad since we were in someone else's home at the time and they were just visiting from hours away, so the next morning there was no opportunity to apologize, and then they were gone.

...which in other circumstances might have been a blessing, but I felt _really_ guilty. Still feel a little bad about that.

I was also once with someone and in the middle of things got a skull-splitting headache (probably from drinking earlier). I had to stop things to find my Advil, and in the end I don't think he really believed that I had a headache, which just annoyed me once I could think past my throbbing head, no pun intended.
 
I ever tell you about the worst blowjob I ever had?





































It was fuckin' great.
 
I was at an intergalactic kegger back in '85 when a fetching babe decided to demo her golf ball thru a garden hose ability on me. The rough part happened about an hour later when I told this to my best buddy, who had just finished kissing her.
 
When I was younger and hornier, the two worst sexual experiences I had were with two different women, but I did the same thing with both: Screwed them when they were menstruating! Even though I knew intellectually that the blood was just dissolving eggs, I had a visceral reaction to getting that stuff on my cock. Gross! After the second experience (which happened because I was on vacation visiting this woman in Florida and was horny as hell), I never did that again! -- RR
 
Having my age-two daughter walk in on us and hop on top of husband's back as we were going at it, then she yelled "HORSIE RIDE!"

Wasn't sure whether the embarrassment or the laughter would kill me first.

Yes, we locked doors after that.
 
T'Bonz said:
Having my age-two daughter walk in on us and hop on top of husband's back as we were going at it, then she yelled "HORSIE RIDE!"
Click to expand...

:guffaw::guffaw:

As for me, it has to be the time I got shit on my penis during an anal encounter...:scream:

And once after a party when I was really, really drunk and I could not cum no matter how much the girl tried..That was frustrating.:vulcan:
 
Those are all great. T'Bonz's, especially.

I remember a few more, and then a few that happened to friends.

After a high school football game, a cop tapped on my car window as I got a blowjob. This startled the young lady, she gagged herself on Shatmandu Jr., and she puked into my opened pants the $10 worth of Coke and hot dogs I had bought her earlier.

That was a long fucking drive home that night, let me assure you.

A male co-worker was performing oral sex on his boyfriend, and the boyfriend farted long and loud. (When he told me the story, I jokingly said, "What's the problem? Wouldn't that be like perfume to your type?")

An old drunk roommate brought home a drunk girl, went at it for a while, she excused herself into the bathroom and had explosive diarrhea, then came back for more without proper clean-up.

I'll think of more as I work today, God forgive me.

Joe, bad Friday
 
I was 17 and had never had a girlfriend or a date to that point. I hung out with my buddy and his gf at a party. She seemed pretty cool. We hung out a couple days and ended up fooling around. She was a slut and I was just desperate for some action. I gave her a good fingerbang and got my jollies as well.

So what's the problem with this you might ask?

A few days later I got a nasty, itchy fungal infection on the aforementioned fingers. YUCK! I dealt with that on and off for like 6 months before I finally got rid of it. I'm just glad I didn't fuck her.
 
I threw a girl onto a bed once in a sort of manly commanding way, unfortunately she cracked her head open on the bedside cabinet and started vomiting everywhere.

Not my finest hour :vulcan:
 
SalvorHardin said:
T'Bonz said:
Having my age-two daughter walk in on us and hop on top of husband's back as we were going at it, then she yelled "HORSIE RIDE!"
Click to expand...

:guffaw::guffaw:

As for me, it has to be the time I got shit on my penis during an anal encounter...:scream:

And once after a party when I was really, really drunk and I could not cum no matter how much the girl tried..That was frustrating.:vulcan:
Click to expand...

Getting shitdick is a risk of anal. A risk i'd glad to take.

Anyway, I was going down on an old girlfriend. it was dark we were both horny and slightly drunk. As i was doing it i just kept thinking something isn't right it tasted funny... Almost metallic..... But i just kept going.
After about 20min of this I happened to lean up to tell her something wasn't right. I caught what little light there was on my hands.. All covered in red. As first i was like WTF??? Then it hit me she was on the rag while i was going down on here... Oh well, it happens..
 
Thought of another.

And old girlfriend and I once fell asleep after sex. Immediately after, before Tab A was removed from Slot B.

When we woke up, everything had scabbed over.

Pulling apart sounded like opening a "dried jelly on velcro" sandwich.

Joe, wincer
 
Shatmandu said:
Hiya, folks.

What are some of your bad consenual sexual experiences with another human?

I dated a great young lady back in college, and I eventually discovered she had a vagina that smelled like a ziplock bag of burnt cabbage left out in the sun for a week.

No matter what, after a shower, whatever, it reeked. Even from a distance, during a blowjob, for instance, I would still catch a whiff and wince.

Even to a horny college twit like me, who would have fucked a bag of laundry if it had a hairy hole, it was very off-putting.

I did a little research and eventually brought it up, after drinking. She got mad, and that was that.

How's by you? Any bad sexual experiences?

Joe, Bruted
Click to expand...

There is no way delicate enough to explain to a girl that her vag smells. You really just have to hope that they'll notice it on their own. I tried bringing it up with a girl I dated years ago, even prefaced it with, "Now don't get upset, but I'm concerned that you may have a yeast infection...":rommie: and she got really mad. "Are you saying I stink?!?! Do I stink?!?!?!" It was to the point where there was this gross discharge when we would have sex, and I could smell it even through her clothes, like sitting in the car or at the movies. There would be this weird gunk dried on the crotch of her underwear that she'd leave around. She seemed completely oblivious. If I had some kind of ball fungus that stunk I'd be aware of it.
 
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