Bad Joke...
- Thread starter Gil T.Azell
- Start date
The Sand Box
A little boy and girl are sitting in a sandbox playing. The lil boy farts and it ruffles the sand a lil. The lil girl asks him how he did that and he says you just gotta push real hard and sometimes it takes a while. So the liL girl starts pushing real hard and starts turning red, after a few minutes she let's out a huge fart, it blows all the sand and the lil boy out of the sandbox and the girl passes out from pushing so hard. The boy gets up brushes himself off and walks over to the girl and lifts her skirt up and says "Just what I thought! Dual exhaust"!!!
What's grosser than gross?
When you fall off the top of a tall building and your eyelid gets hung on a flagpole.
When you fall off the top of a tall building and your eyelid gets hung on a flagpole.
An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading a tired old mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat.
He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.
As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, can you dance?"
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No son, I don't dance... never really wanted to"
A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now!" and started shooting at the old man's feet.
The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet.
Everybody standing around was laughing.
When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled 12 gauge shotgun and cocked both hammers.
The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.
The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly.
The silence was deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin 12 gauge barrels.
The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said;
"Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir ... but ... I've always wanted to"
There are a few lessons for all of us here:
* Don't be arrogant.
* Don't waste ammunition.
* Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
* Always make sure you know who is in control.
* And finally, Don't screw around with old folks;
they didn't get old by being stupid.
I just love a story with a happy ending, don't you?
He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.
As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, can you dance?"
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No son, I don't dance... never really wanted to"
A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now!" and started shooting at the old man's feet.
The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet.
Everybody standing around was laughing.
When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled 12 gauge shotgun and cocked both hammers.
The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.
The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly.
The silence was deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin 12 gauge barrels.
The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said;
"Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir ... but ... I've always wanted to"
There are a few lessons for all of us here:
* Don't be arrogant.
* Don't waste ammunition.
* Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
* Always make sure you know who is in control.
* And finally, Don't screw around with old folks;
they didn't get old by being stupid.
I just love a story with a happy ending, don't you?
A farmer is lying in bed with his wife when he turns to her, grabs her breasts and says "Honey, if you could get milk out of these we could sell the cow". Then he grabs her vagina and says "Honey, if you could get eggs out of here we could sell the chickens".
She turns to him, smiles, grabs his penis and says: "Honey, if you could get this up I could get rid of your brother!"
She turns to him, smiles, grabs his penis and says: "Honey, if you could get this up I could get rid of your brother!"
The version I heard goes like this:
A rich man says to his wife, “Look, dear. Times are tough these days and we simply must reduce our expenses. If you would learn to drive, we could fire the chauffeur. If you would learn to cook, we could fire the chef. If you would learn to clean the house and make the beds, we could fire the maid.”
The wife says, “And if you would learn to fuck, we could fire the gardener!”
Variations on a theme . . .
What can Life Savers do that a man can't?
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.
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Come in five different flavors.
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.
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Come in five different flavors.
What do you call a West Virginia farmer with a sheep under each arm?
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Pimp.
______________________________________________________
What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
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A salad shooter.
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Pimp.
______________________________________________________
What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
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.
.
A salad shooter.
Aa oldie you might recognize.
I'd like to thank Monty Python for the following...
There were two peanuts walking down the street and one was assaulted. Peanut.
My dog's got no nose! How does he smell? AWFUL!!!
There were two peanuts walking down the street and one was assaulted. Peanut.
My dog's got no nose! How does he smell? AWFUL!!!
Wenn ist das Nurnstuck git und Slotermeyer? Ya! Beiherhund das oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!
(dies)
(dies)
Not bad but definitely not "clean" either:
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Slogan seen on a road sign as you enter West Virginia:
WEST VIRGINIA
"We're doing it!"*
*with sheep
WEST VIRGINIA
"We're doing it!"*
*with sheep
^They're just trying to see how many read it and then swerve off the road and right into it...
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doubleohfive
Fleet Admiral
Q: What happens when the smog clears in Los Angeles?
You see L.A.!
doubleohfive
Fleet Admiral
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