Bad Joke...

[beneldon]

A big huge biker dude walks into a bar and demands a shot. He pulls it back slams the glass down on the bar and yells, "Everyone on the left side of the bar is a lily livered pansy-assed wuss!"
Noone says anything whereupon the man orders another drink, slams the glass down and yells, "Everyone on the right side of the bar is a sniveling, anus clenching coward!"
Still, noone says anything until the man hears footsteps walking towards him.
He turns around and sees a guy in front of him and says, "So! you gonna make something of it?" and the guy replies, "Nope, just changing sides."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Two flies are sitting on a piece of shit. One of the flies farts.

The other one says "Hey! I'm eating here!"

 

[Aldo]

A group of clowns rent furnished apartments in a condominium, but are annoyed to discover they have not been provided with ironing boards. They go to complain to their landlord saying that all the other tenants have ironing boards except the clowns. "It’s in the contract", says the landlord. "You clowns have to use your window sills, because every clown has a sill for ironing."

What a horrible pun. I like it.

I'm almost embarrassed to admit this, but I don't get it

 

[scotpens]

"You clowns have to use your window sills, because every clown has a sill for ironing."

I'm almost embarrassed to admit this, but I don't get it

You know the old bromide about clouds and silver linings? And I thought "I left my harp in Sam Clam's disco" was the worst pun I'd ever heard.

Anyway, here's a punchline that really doesn't need a set-up:

"If you think I'm going to do that 68 more times, you must be crazy!"

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

"...and they said to her, 'Delilah! Hat gut gemacht!' "

 

[Aldo]

"You clowns have to use your window sills, because every clown has a sill for ironing."

I'm almost embarrassed to admit this, but I don't get it

You know the old bromide about clouds and silver linings? And I thought "I left my harp in Sam Clam's disco" was the worst pun I'd ever heard.

Anyway, here's a punchline that really doesn't need a set-up:

"If you think I'm going to do that 68 more times, you must be crazy!"

Silver lining...damn I'm ashamed I didn't get that now

 

[ManOnTheWave]

Two cannibals are eating a clown when one says, "Does he taste funny to you?"

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

A group of scientists are observing a tank full of dolphins. The dolphins are getting extremely...frisky with one another. So much so that the scientists have to calm them down somehow. So they find out that the cure for an over-amorous dolphin is to feed it fresh seagull meat. One of the scientists is dispatched to find some of such meat and bring it back.

Along the way back, the scientist hears on the radio that a lion has escaped from the circus. The lion is subsequently discovered laying asleep, across the road, directly in the scientist's path. He gingerly tiptoes around the beast...and is immediately arrested. The charge is:

Transporting young gulls across a staid lion for immoral porpoises.

 

[Admiral2]

A group of scientists are observing a tank full of dolphins. The dolphins are getting extremely...frisky with one another. So much so that the scientists have to calm them down somehow. So they find out that the cure for an over-amorous dolphin is to feed it fresh seagull meat. One of the scientists is dispatched to find some of such meat and bring it back.

Along the way back, the scientist hears on the radio that a lion has escaped from the circus. The lion is subsequently discovered laying asleep, across the road, directly in the scientist's path. He gingerly tiptoes around the beast...and is immediately arrested. The charge is:

Transporting young gulls across a staid lion for immoral porpoises.

This one just hurt my brains!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

A man answers his doorbell one day and finds a snail. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. The snail sails off into the distance, and the man shuts his door and goes back inside.

Three years later, the doorbell rings again. It's the same snail.

"What the hell was that all about?" the snail says.

 

[ManOnTheWave]

One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "bitch" and the women called the man a "bastard".
Their son walked in and said "What does bitch and bastard mean?" and the parents replied "uh.... ladies and gentlemen".
The next day the parents decided to have sex, the mom said "squeeze my titties" and the dad said "touch my dick".
Their son walked in and asked "What does titties and dick mean?" and the parents replied "oh... hats and coats".
On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "Shit" he said, the kid came in and asked "What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using.
Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "Fuck" she said. Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey.
Then the door bell rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you bitches and bastards, I'll take your dicks and titties. My dad is upstairs smearing shit on his face, and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey!"

 

[Sephiroth]

Photons have mass?
I didn't even know they were catholic

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

A bunch of old women were standing on a corner outside a church. Another old woman walks by.

"Is Mass out?" she says.

"No," one of the others replies, "but your hat's on crooked!"

 

[LitmusDragon]

A bunch of old women were standing on a corner outside a church. Another old woman walks by.

"Is Mass out?" she says.

"No," one of the others replies, "but your hat's on crooked!"

 

[Mr Silver]

As a young boy, Joe was completely obsessed with tractors. He had pictures of tractors all over his bedroom walls; he had tractor toys, tractor T-shirts, a tractor carpet, and duvet cover, the whole works. He ate, drank and slept tractors. On his 17th birthday he was thrilled to get an invitation to go to a tractor factory nearby and test-drive a brand new tractor.

His excitement was incredible as he told his family and friends. The great day came and he went to the factory for the test-drive. Unfortunately something went terribly wrong with the tractor when Joe was driving it and it flipped over, trapping and breaking Joe's leg and fracturing his skull.

He was so upset and tried to sue the tractor company for negligence. But the company would have none of it and told there was no liability and He could get lost!

You can imagine he was very annoyed with tractors after this and vowed to shed them from his life completely and forever.

All the posters came down, the toys were given away - tractors were GONE.

Many years later, Joe went into a bar for a drink. Inside, the cigarette and cigar smoke was terrible but through it he saw a beautiful girl seated at the bar on her own. Tears were streaming down her face.

Joe asked her what was wrong and she said that the smoke was making her eyes sting and stream with tears.

With that, Joe looked around and then took a huge breath, sucking in all the smoke. He then walked outside into the car park and blew all the smoke out again. He goes back into the bar where the air is now clear and sweet and sits down next to the girl.

"That was amazing!" she said, "How did you do that?"

"No problem", said Joe

"I'm an ex-tractor fan"

 

[Schistocerca]

Two friends are fishing near a bridge.Suddenly a hearse and two funeral cars go over the bridge so one of the men stands up, takes off his cap and bows his head.When the cars have gone he puts his cap back on, sits back down and carries on fishing.His mate turns to him and says," Dave, that's one of the nicest most respectful things I've ever seen "Dave replies," Well we were married for nearly 20 years "

 

[LitmusDragon]

Am I the only one who skips directly to the punchline and goes back and reads the rest of the joke after?

 

[KJbushway]

No I have the same problem. I also do the same thing to books when I am really interested to them. Just read the last page first then begin reading the beginning.

 

[ares93]

Am I the only one who skips directly to the punchline and goes back and reads the rest of the joke after?

No I have the same problem. I also do the same thing to books when I am really interested to them. Just read the last page first then begin reading the beginning.

Killjoy. Shame on you both.

 

[trekkiedane]

Am I the only one who skips directly to the punchline and goes back and reads the rest of the joke after?

No I have the same problem. I also do the same thing to books when I am really interested to them. Just read the last page first then begin reading the beginning.

But that ruins the fun of guessing the punchline while reading the joke! -I just couldn't do that!