Asperger's Syndrome - Personal Experiences

[Mr Silver]

I'm writing a paper on this condition as part of a project and it would be helpful (and interesting) if anyone who has, or knows others with the condition wouldn't mind posting their experiences with it. It is completely anonymous (apart from the board) and this will be entirely confidential, with no names used and the paper itself won't be publically available.

I don't know much about the condition, except the textbook stuff. I've met people who have the condition, but these people were textbook cases. What I'm after is stories from people who have been an active part of neurotypical society who have found ways to manage their condition and lead a ordinary life.

Thank you in advance for any contributions.

 

[Miss Chicken]

One of my closest friends has a son (I will call him Paul) with Aspergers. In fact I met her at an early intervention program that her and my son were attending (my son has cerebral palsy).

I knew Paul from when he was three years old until he went to live with his father on the Mainland when he was 14. It was sometimes difficult to determine what of Paul's behaviour was a result of the Asperger's and what was a result of poor discipline. My friend would let him get away with bad behaviour stating it was a result of his condition.

For example, if adults were talking and not paying him the attention he wanted he would grab the adult by the chin and twist their head around to face him. I hated him doing it and I told him he shouldn't touch people without their permission. His mother insisted he did it because of the Aspergers. I said to her "I am not going to let him do it to me" and I told him if he wanted my attention he should say "Excuse me, may I interupt?" and I would answer him, adding that if he touched me again without my permission I would slap him. He never did it to me again though he continued to do it to others.

He also used to look it handbags without permission. I caught him with my handbag one day and pulled it of him telling him that I wouldn't have him invading my privacy., once again threatening him with a slap if he did it again. He stopped looking in my handbag.

He used to compulsory touch objects. I didn't totally stop him from doing it but I did teach him there were certain items in my home that he had to leave alone.

He used to fret about time. If his mother and I took him shopping he would want to know which bus we would catch home. We would say the 2.15 and if, it looked like we wouldn't make that bus in time he would start to panic and no matter how much we explained that we would catch the next bus he would get more and more worked up about missing the bus. Not only this, but he also memorised the bus-times and would get upset if the bus was late, or if it didn't reach his street by the time is said in the bus timetable (which were only appoximate times). One day we got on the bus in the city, travelled over the bridge and stopped at a shopping centre where there was a large crowd of people waiting to catch the bus. Paul got really upset because he said the people were too slow getting on and the bus wouldn't reach his bus-stop by 2.35 (the time given on the bus timetable). He shouted at the bus driver, saying he should leave the people behind so that the bus could stick to the timetable.

He also memorised the entire Guinness Book of Records and would always be quoting it.

 

[Gojira]

My wife has Asperger's Syndrome and I used to work for the developmentally disabled and I have authored a paper on the subject. As soon as the DSM-V comes out Asperger's Syndrome will be eliminated and the symptomology will be placed under the spectrum of high functioning autism.

It is real late so I will come back tomorrow and write some more. If you have any specific questions feel free to send me a message.

 

[Mr Silver]

One of my closest friends has a son (I will call him Paul) with Aspergers. In fact I met her at an early intervention program that her and my son were attending (my son has cerebral palsy).

I knew Paul from when he was three years old until he went to live with his father on the Mainland when he was 14. It was sometimes difficult to determine what of Paul's behaviour was a result of the Asperger's and what was a result of poor discipline. My friend would let him get away with bad behaviour stating it was a result of his condition.

For example, if adults were talking and not paying him the attention he wanted he would grab the adult by the chin and twist their head around to face him. I hated him doing it and I told him he shouldn't touch people without their permission. His mother insisted he did it because of the Aspergers. I said to her "I am not going to let him do it to me" and I told him if he wanted my attention he should say "Excuse me, may I interupt?" and I would answer him, adding that if he touched me again without my permission I would slap him. He never did it to me again though he continued to do it to others.

He also used to look it handbags without permission. I caught him with my handbag one day and pulled it of him telling him that I wouldn't have him invading my privacy., once again threatening him with a slap if he did it again. He stopped looking in my handbag.

He used to compulsory touch objects. I didn't totally stop him from doing it but I did teach him there were certain items in my home that he had to leave alone.

He used to fret about time. If his mother and I took him shopping he would want to know which bus we would catch home. We would say the 2.15 and if, it looked like we wouldn't make that bus in time he would start to panic and no matter how much we explained that we would catch the next bus he would get more and more worked up about missing the bus. Not only this, but he also memorised the bus-times and would get upset if the bus was late, or if it didn't reach his street by the time is said in the bus timetable (which were only appoximate times). One day we got on the bus in the city, travelled over the bridge and stopped at a shopping centre where there was a large crowd of people waiting to catch the bus. Paul got really upset because he said the people were too slow getting on and the bus wouldn't reach his bus-stop by 2.35 (the time given on the bus timetable). He shouted at the bus driver, saying he should leave the people behind so that the bus could stick to the timetable.

He also memorised the entire Guinness Book of Records and would always be quoting it.

Thank's for this. These are really some classic Asperger behaviours. Many people with Asperger's Syndrome are oblivious to any kind of politeness code. Parent's sometimes blame themselves, despite the fact they've done their absolute best to try and instill a sense of politeness and socially acceptable behaviour into their child with AS.

It is really interesting about the chin twisting behaviour. Many people with Asperger's dislike being looked at during social situations and struggle with eye contact. In this case obviously it's the physical representation of attention that the sufferer seeks and not any kind of personal gesture.

I've noticed that there tends to be higher rates of Asperger's Syndrome in Australia than anywhere else. Many resources I've used in the research for this paper have contained a lot of examples and case studies from people with the condition in Australia. I've watched some videos from those with the condition who speak about it and the majority of those were Australian's. It could just be that Australia is the country where people are most open about having the condition.

 

[smiki]

For example, if adults were talking.... ... all the way to.... ....certain items in my home that he had to leave alone.

I believe Miss Chicken was trying to point out this part is just lack of discipline...

He used to fret about time... ....all the way to ... ...Guinness Book of Records and would always be quoting it.

...and these are real Asperger's syndrome "symptoms".

It could just be that Australia is the country where people are most open about having the condition.

I believe you're right with this, certainly is a possibility.

 

[1001001]

Our son has it.

When he was very young, his pediatrician was sure he was autistic. He didn't speak until after 2. She was very concerned and pushed us to have him evaluated.

As he grew up he seemed completely oblivious to other people. I had a friend over for football one Sunday. After being there for several hours, my friend (refering to our son) said "I don't think he even knows I'm here." He had walked by my friend several times without acknowledging him.

We had a behavior specialist evaluate him when he was 3 and struggling in pre-school. He had some classic autistic behaviors (hand gestures, walking on his tip-toes). He eventually had to exit the school and go back to daycare.

Our house is full of pictures of him looking away from the camera.

We took him to occupational therapy, and read lots of books, etc. He is now 8, and the good news is he is mainstreamed in school and getting straight A's (the "little professor" part of AS). It helps that he goes to the school where his mother teaches.

He is very anxious, and worries all the time about the end of the world. That stupid doomsday prophecy a few months back really upset him. He also obsesses on things (right now, it's Legos), and does not realize that other kids aren't interested in what he's saying. We say that "he doesn't speak body language". He has very few friends, largely because he is not interested in the same things. He is just...oblivious. He would be described as odd, weird, etc.

We put him into Tae Kwon Do a few years back to work on his coordination, socialization, and so that he could defend himself if picked on. He tests for his black belt in October. The physical part has gotten much better. The socialization is about the same.

He is a wonderful, sweet boy who wouldn't hurt a fly. It breaks my heart that he's high functioning enough to realize something is wrong. He doesn't understand why he doesn't have more friends.

There is a program at UCLA that does socialization training for teenagers. We'd love to find something like that for him.

 

[Chaos Descending]

What I know about Asperger's Syndrome is that the vast majority of "self-diagnosed" Aspies are just socially untalented assholes who want an excuse to remain assholes.

I've never met a person who had been legitimately diagnosed with Asperger's by a licensed physician.

 

[Mr Silver]

What I know about Asperger's Syndrome is that the vast majority of "self-diagnosed" Aspies are just socially untalented assholes who want an excuse to remain assholes.

I've never met a person who had been legitimately diagnosed with Asperger's by a licensed physician.

I was inspired to take on this paper by the fact that some criminals in the UK have used Asperger's Syndrome as their defence.

There is a big difference in what you refer to as "socially untalented assholes who want an excuse to remain assholes" and those who have Asperger's Syndrome. The people who post their own experiences in this thread will tell you that.

 

[Chaos Descending]

Yes, the difference is a diagnosis from a licensed physician, as I stated. Also note that I was referring to "self-diagnosed" people. Laymen are not qualified to diagnose their own psych issues.

 

[ares93]

What I know about Asperger's Syndrome is that the vast majority of "self-diagnosed" Aspies are just socially untalented assholes who want an excuse to remain assholes.

I've never met a person who had been legitimately diagnosed with Asperger's by a licensed physician.

I was inspired to take on this paper by the fact that some criminals in the UK have used Asperger's Syndrome as their defence.

There is a big difference in what you refer to as "socially untalented assholes who want an excuse to remain assholes" and those who have Asperger's Syndrome. The people who post their own experiences in this thread will tell you that.

Indeed. While the attempt to blame non existent Asperger's Syndome is common, not only in the UK, its statistically insignificant and can easily spotted as a fake by a psychologist. Hell, i'm pretty sure the average cop can spot the difference. They're just hoping to get off on a technicality.

OnT: My classmates little brother (13yo) has Asperger's. Frankly, I can never really get the kid. One moment he's fine and acts completely normal, you can walk the street with him and have a great conversation, and the next he's in lala-land or he freaks out completely. While this might could familiar since people with Asperger's sometimes have these moments, he's like a bloody light switch. He can to this five-six times a day.

I talked to his father about it, he's a trauma counselor (or whatever they call it in english) and i study criminal psychology. But even between the two of us we cant figure him out. but the again, his doctor cant either...

 

[RandyS]

My best friend's mom told me that her daughter (also a friend) was recently diagnosed with it. How it went undiagnosed for 35 years is beyond me. The mom told me that her research on the subject has led her to believe that her son has it too. This would explain many of my friends' "quirks", which, until now, I simply wrote off as akwardness, and EXTREME shyness (I was also starting to think he might be gay). When I attempted to discuss the subject with him he got violently angry, and refused to even entertain the idea. He thought I was making fun of him, but I wasn't. I was trying to have a serious talk with him about it. BIG mistake.

I am more convinced than ever that he has it.

 

[Mark 2000]

The best places to seek out Asperger's folks would probably be furry forums. It's been my experience that the inability to emotionally (and sexually) connect with other humans can lead many aspies to identify with anthropomorphized non-human animals. I remember writing on an EVA forum and encountering a woman who was open about her Asperger's who liked to draw a lot of explicit pornography of Evangelions without their armor on. That was how she enjoyed sex without having to deal with other people.

How it went undiagnosed for 35 years is beyond me.

Asperger's is a very recent diagnosis. I just read the biography "Look Me in the Eye" and the guy didn't know what he had until he was nearly 50 years old in the mid 90's.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

The best places to seek out Asperger's folks would probably be furry forums. It's been my experience that the inability to emotionally (and sexually) connect with other humans can lead many aspies to identify with anthropomorphized non-human animals. I remember writing on an EVA forum and encountering a woman who was open about her Asperger's who liked to draw a lot of explicit pornography of Evangelions without their armor on. That was how she enjoyed sex without having to deal with other people.

Huh.

I had a friend who could only enjoy sex if she pretended to be someone else. Not even kidding, she had to role play being an entirely different person with a different name, attitude, everything. She seemed terrified at the thought of having sex as herself. I wonder if that's the same sort of thing.

 

[Chaos Descending]

^^^ But, was that fun for YOU? That sounds actually kinda kinky/exciting.

EDIT: NM, I just realized you said "friend" not "girlfriend".

 

[Huntingdon]

The adult test was only developed a few years ago. It's still not widely recognised, or at least confirmed by medical experts. My GPs have a general consensus that I have it, but I'm sure that's not based on expert knowledge.

I'm a comparatively senior civil servant, so it needn't hold you back too much. You learn to react appropriately in certain situations. The difficulty is that the knowledge often isn't transferrable and you have to learn the normal social code by repeated trial and error.

 

[Gojira]

The best places to seek out Asperger's folks would probably be furry forums. It's been my experience that the inability to emotionally (and sexually) connect with other humans can lead many aspies to identify with anthropomorphized non-human animals. I remember writing on an EVA forum and encountering a woman who was open about her Asperger's who liked to draw a lot of explicit pornography of Evangelions without their armor on. That was how she enjoyed sex without having to deal with other people.

How it went undiagnosed for 35 years is beyond me.

Asperger's is a very recent diagnosis. I just read the biography "Look Me in the Eye" and the guy didn't know what he had until he was nearly 50 years old in the mid 90's.

What an over generalization! As I said my wife has Asperger's Syndrome and her sexuality is just as normal as anyone's sexuality. In many ways she is a heck of a lot un-repressed as my first wife was!

Also my wife is a very outgoing person and desires emotional closeness as anyone the problem is that she cannot read social clues nor can she express her feelings congruently.

 

[Mr Silver]

Also my wife is a very outgoing person and desires emotional closeness as anyone the problem is that she cannot read social clues nor can she express her feelings congruently.

I assume that she is comfortable enough to tell you how she is feeling, etc?

Whilst someone with Asperger's Syndrome may struggle non-verbally, they seem to be perfectly capable of telling people how they are feeling.

 

[Huntingdon]

Of course. You don't lack the ability to express yourself. The difficulty might be in getting others to understand you.

 

[Gojira]

Also my wife is a very outgoing person and desires emotional closeness as anyone the problem is that she cannot read social clues nor can she express her feelings congruently.

I assume that she is comfortable enough to tell you how she is feeling, etc?

Whilst someone with Asperger's Syndrome may struggle non-verbally, they seem to be perfectly capable of telling people how they are feeling.

Of course. You don't lack the ability to express yourself. The difficulty might be in getting others to understand you.

You're both right. People with Asperger's Syndrome can express their feelings although sometimes, like any of us, they have a difficult time identifying what they're feeling and finding the words to express those feelings. Think of normal human struggle to identify and express feelings that is made more difficult by Asperger's due to their inability to recognize the social and facial cue which accompany the expression of feelings.

 

[1001001]

Often times, my son seems to guess at what's appropriate, usually with a line from TV or a movie. Sometime it comes out very funny, sometimes he misses the mark. But you can see it's an effort. It does not come naturally to him.