Are you happy, now? Why/how?
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I'm happy most of the time, and for many and diverse reasons. There are certainly times when I'm not, but in general. I used to be very depressed before I was very social. Social activity seems to make me very happy.
I'm grateful and content more of the time at this point in my life than I ever have been. So many things have worked out so well, most of them things that I didn't plan on or want. 
I'm rarely happy, but that's been my deal since I was about ten years old. It's nothing exciting, really. Depression, severe social anxiety and a bunch of little neuroses in between. With that in mind, I've struggled with things like alcoholism, various minor drugs like speed and painkillers and self-injury.
In the end, I'm still around and pretty much have the whole misery nonsense on a consistent low burn. I take Paxil, take stock in the good stuff I've got and try to find little things to keep myself going.
Nothing exciting.
In the end, I'm still around and pretty much have the whole misery nonsense on a consistent low burn. I take Paxil, take stock in the good stuff I've got and try to find little things to keep myself going.
Nothing exciting.
There's no denying that they work for some people, but my experience was horrible and has messed me up permanently (or so it seems).I've been on anti-depressants, tricyclics and SSRI/SNRIs, for most of my life and can't report at all the same experiences. A few months back I came to the end of a several-year stint (the first since I was 8yrs old) of not taking any antidepressants and the improvements since then in all aspects of my life have been remarkable, almost disconcertingly so. It's not all smooth sailing, the meds wreak havoc with my sleeping patterns* and libido, also there's the occasional bout of dizziness, but there's no doubt in my mind that the trade-off is worth it.
* I missed a dose a couple days back and slept for thirteen hours that night.
I'm very happy right now. My life has recently taken a turn for the better so I'm in a good mood all the time.
The short list:
I'm getting paid for work this summer that I've been doing for free for years
I'm getting my Master's degree at the end of the Summer, no more school
I've started dating a very nice girl
Star Trek is alive and well
The short list:
I'm getting paid for work this summer that I've been doing for free for years
I'm getting my Master's degree at the end of the Summer, no more school
I've started dating a very nice girl
Star Trek is alive and well
I thought a bit about this and I realised that I'm actually only really happy these days when I'm watching a great movie or being able to admire a great car for as much as I want. Seeing the new Star Trek movie in theaters was pure bliss.
But other then that I'm kinda...eh... Don't really feel so strong about anything. I'm pretty lonely and real shot at changing that anytime soon, have pretty crap self esteem and I'm poor and overweight. The latter I'm finally realised that I must seriously take care of if I wish to live much longer so I'm taking steps. My main problems is really that I spend a bit too much time helping and supporting other people with their stuff without any expectations of much in return. I simply forget to take care of myself.
But other then that I'm kinda...eh... Don't really feel so strong about anything. I'm pretty lonely and real shot at changing that anytime soon, have pretty crap self esteem and I'm poor and overweight. The latter I'm finally realised that I must seriously take care of if I wish to live much longer so I'm taking steps. My main problems is really that I spend a bit too much time helping and supporting other people with their stuff without any expectations of much in return. I simply forget to take care of myself.
My common law husband fails in the always happy department. Just today, we drove all the way to the movie theater to see Terminator, which we planned for a while now.
To backtrack a bit, we've been together for five years now. Probably during the second or third year, we had gone to the movies on a cold fall day. I can't even remember what made him angry (which is pretty much any little thing) but he got upset and walked really fast to the car wth me trailing a bit behind. I was about to open the door to get in when he sped off and I started yelling for him to come back and I tried to run up and catch the car at the light that was red by the exit, which I did, so I got in the car and we went home. If that light had been green, he would have just left me there in the cold like an asshole.
Anyways, back to today, we got there and he started saying "Jade running and yelling, Linh, Liiiiiinh" and laughing. I was confused at what he was talking about at first and then it clicked in and I got upset and told him he was an asshole for thinking it was funny because it hurt a lot. Of course, as predicted, he gets upset and acts like his anger is MY fault, again, because he's too much of a pussy to admit when he's messed up, and we end up not seeing the movie. He gets in the car and yells 'DO YOU WANT TO SEE THE MOVIE OR NOT', when HE is the one who said to get in the car because I would have composed myself and just went to see the movie and I told him just to not talk to me. He sped home, dropped me off at the front door and he's gone somewhere, which I find myself not even caring where or for how long he's gone.
I don't really care how long ago it was, it still hurts that someone who is supposed to love you would do shit like that and then think it's funny.
To backtrack a bit, we've been together for five years now. Probably during the second or third year, we had gone to the movies on a cold fall day. I can't even remember what made him angry (which is pretty much any little thing) but he got upset and walked really fast to the car wth me trailing a bit behind. I was about to open the door to get in when he sped off and I started yelling for him to come back and I tried to run up and catch the car at the light that was red by the exit, which I did, so I got in the car and we went home. If that light had been green, he would have just left me there in the cold like an asshole.
Anyways, back to today, we got there and he started saying "Jade running and yelling, Linh, Liiiiiinh" and laughing. I was confused at what he was talking about at first and then it clicked in and I got upset and told him he was an asshole for thinking it was funny because it hurt a lot. Of course, as predicted, he gets upset and acts like his anger is MY fault, again, because he's too much of a pussy to admit when he's messed up, and we end up not seeing the movie. He gets in the car and yells 'DO YOU WANT TO SEE THE MOVIE OR NOT', when HE is the one who said to get in the car because I would have composed myself and just went to see the movie and I told him just to not talk to me. He sped home, dropped me off at the front door and he's gone somewhere, which I find myself not even caring where or for how long he's gone.
I don't really care how long ago it was, it still hurts that someone who is supposed to love you would do shit like that and then think it's funny.
Im not happy at all. Ive had depression for about a year now, and I'm not allowed anti-depressants because i'm under 18 and I also suffer from demophobia (and apparently they make the fear worse).
Too much has happened this year; Depressed, failed most of my GCSE, I was sexually harrassed, Told im pathetic by parents and friends, In a massive predicament about sexuality and how my parents will react. Life is just so ugh... I can't be bothered to live it anymore really.
Too much has happened this year; Depressed, failed most of my GCSE, I was sexually harrassed, Told im pathetic by parents and friends, In a massive predicament about sexuality and how my parents will react. Life is just so ugh... I can't be bothered to live it anymore really.
^Now that doesn't sound good at all I must say. Take it from someone who wanted to kill himself for most part of my teens: talk to someone. Even if those someones are people around here. Some very good listeners on this board.
Also might add that I totally sympathise with the sexuality bit, had some rough time with that as well in my teens.
Also might add that I totally sympathise with the sexuality bit, had some rough time with that as well in my teens.
Congratulations, sounds like you married the male version of my sister. She holds a grudge like no other. She's still pissed at me and my cousin for staying up late watching a movie when she had to sleep four years ago. And she's still angry at me when she remembers stuff that happened when we kids, like 11 or 8 or so! Thing is, I don't much at all of my life before the age of 14, I've blocked those memories out of pure surivival instinct, and she knows this, she knows why I don't remember things. And yet she still pulls this shit.
Not terribly happy. Not terribly sad, either. I'm just right in the middle at "meh." My life isn't bad at all and I have very little to complain about. In fact, I should be quite grateful for how fortunate my life thusfar has been. I'm in good health, I have a full-time job with a nice salary and good benefits (though job security is non-existent), I'm currently in grad school which is being paid largely by my employer, I own my own place (a cursed condo that's had some issues and caused me to develop a slight neurosis, no less) and I have family not too far from me.
Between work and school, my life is pretty full. However, it often feels empty. I have no hobbies, really. I was on a bowling team with some co-workers but the season recently ended. My friends, as much as I love them, SUCK. Really. My three closest friends are all mentally unstable, financially irresponsible, poorly educated, overall poor, and they have kids. Seriously. All three of them. It can be hard to hang out with them because they either have no money or no babysitter. I want to do fun things but they can't participate. My other friends who actually have their lives together are always "busy" and I don't see them as often as I'd like.
I feel like I would be happier if my life had more meaning and if I actually got to do more interesting things. But I often feel quite alone. I think that if I were around more active, engaging people, it would change my mood substantially. I know that I'm happy when I'm surrounded by people I like, doing something fun and silly and enjoying each other's company. I miss that.
Between work and school, my life is pretty full. However, it often feels empty. I have no hobbies, really. I was on a bowling team with some co-workers but the season recently ended. My friends, as much as I love them, SUCK. Really. My three closest friends are all mentally unstable, financially irresponsible, poorly educated, overall poor, and they have kids. Seriously. All three of them. It can be hard to hang out with them because they either have no money or no babysitter. I want to do fun things but they can't participate. My other friends who actually have their lives together are always "busy" and I don't see them as often as I'd like.
I feel like I would be happier if my life had more meaning and if I actually got to do more interesting things. But I often feel quite alone. I think that if I were around more active, engaging people, it would change my mood substantially. I know that I'm happy when I'm surrounded by people I like, doing something fun and silly and enjoying each other's company. I miss that.
No I'm not happy at all. Life right now is pretty shit. I have a crappy job that I absolutely loathe that pays a very lousy wage, I live in a crappy flat with a few other people whose company I have really grown to resent over the last few months since we moved to this place (something which makes me feel even worse because they are good people It just irks me to no end that whenever I get in from work there is always someone in so I can never get the place to myself, so I have to stay in my tiny cell-like bedroom just to get some time alone).
I have no love life though the only girl I truly care about I only ever see when she comes back from university, but she has a boyfriend anyway and seems to be happy so I cannot begrudge her that, but damn it doesn't make it hurt any less knowing that I can't be with her.
I'm well aware that this sounds like a load of "woe is me, my life is so terrible, angst-ridden BS" (and I suppose it is). But the answer is an honest one.
I also know that all of these problems are well within my capabilities to change but the truth is right now the situation is not an easy one to fix. I need a new job but the profession I want to work in is notoriously difficult to get started in unless you happen to have an "in" with someone in the industry. I would dearly love to move out and find a place of my own but my crappy wage would barely stretch to cover all the costs such as rent and bills if I was on my own. As far as my (non-existant) love life goes, the problem is I'm not sexually attractive to members of the fairer sex. All the girls I know are stunning and I get along with them easily enough but that's it. I guess it doesn't help that I am rather socially awkward and find it difficult to "connect" with other people in social situations.
I'll just have to have faith that it'll get better and that this crappy period of inertia and depression will eventually give way to a period of life where the prospects are brighter and where I can find a reason to be happy.
Still, at least I've got my health
*cough*
I have no love life though the only girl I truly care about I only ever see when she comes back from university, but she has a boyfriend anyway and seems to be happy so I cannot begrudge her that, but damn it doesn't make it hurt any less knowing that I can't be with her.
I'm well aware that this sounds like a load of "woe is me, my life is so terrible, angst-ridden BS" (and I suppose it is). But the answer is an honest one.
I also know that all of these problems are well within my capabilities to change but the truth is right now the situation is not an easy one to fix. I need a new job but the profession I want to work in is notoriously difficult to get started in unless you happen to have an "in" with someone in the industry. I would dearly love to move out and find a place of my own but my crappy wage would barely stretch to cover all the costs such as rent and bills if I was on my own. As far as my (non-existant) love life goes, the problem is I'm not sexually attractive to members of the fairer sex. All the girls I know are stunning and I get along with them easily enough but that's it. I guess it doesn't help that I am rather socially awkward and find it difficult to "connect" with other people in social situations.
I'll just have to have faith that it'll get better and that this crappy period of inertia and depression will eventually give way to a period of life where the prospects are brighter and where I can find a reason to be happy.
Still, at least I've got my health
*cough*
I'm happier now than I have been in a long, long time. After an inpatient stay followed by outpatient treatment and medication (Campral) for my alcoholism, plus finally being diagnosed with and treated for depression (I'm on Remeron -- mirtazipine), my marriage has come back together, I'm performing better at work and leading a better life, in general.
Remeron gives me the worst dreams, though. God damn. I had a dream last night of being attacked by one of my cats, who had lost its skin, and in place of it was this noodle-like substance.
Remeron gives me the worst dreams, though. God damn. I had a dream last night of being attacked by one of my cats, who had lost its skin, and in place of it was this noodle-like substance.
Oh wow those are the two I am on. I have tried them all though, and I mean them all even MAOI's. They work to the extent that I am not killing myself or anybody else too, but that is about their limit. No I am not happy and have never been happy. I think I might actually be anhedonic. I just seem to drift through life. Not having any goals, not having any larger purpose. I enjoy things in the moment, but there is no larger plan to my life that drives me forward. I just kind of take up space.
I'm married to a great woman, we have a 4.5 year old daughter who shows unprompted kindness to others, a 1.5 year old son who is starting to say things like "outside" and "catch" and "Spock," and my job is secure and interesting and challenging and beneficial financially.
And I get to come here and act goofy with like-minded goofs.
Joe, happy
I have a wife I truly don't deserve and a daily life that many would envy. We are financially secure at a relatively young age after having lived below the poverty level the first couple of years of our marriage. And the foreseeable future looks pretty bright for us. I consider myself the luckiest person that I know.
* I missed a dose a couple days back and slept for thirteen hours that night.
Sorry to hear that Rii: for me I usually sleep for a day and stay a wake for a day and a half just a routine at this point in my life.
but with a schedule like that taking meds "once a Day" leads to all sorts of trouble because were does the day begin and or not ., and at the 24 hour schedule sceneareo half the time I usually am asleep when that cycle occurs so I do the best I can and my friends and therapist worry, however I do find being absolutely honest is the best policy because of everything I have experienced the average person wants to help.
to be happy is usually "they say" a choice on the induavidual .. to remain in the funk or to rise above what is dragging us down by any and all means necessary .,
I too have just woken from a day of sleep starting yesterday around three pm and waking today around 9pm ::: many people had called and i just ignored the phone inorder to get every little bit of sleep i could finially It just became annoying and I got up and sat around for a bit then someone called about some kind of dvd burn from a Russian pirite website and presto .,, they stop by drop off some kind of illeagle copy of a copy of a copy and so on bringing me out of the funk that I would rather die the continue on with life. errrr I would rather watch Romulas be destroyed a thousand time then give Kirk the satisfaction of saving me..
Computer: working
think: ignore that last log entry would you
Computer: working.,, deleted
Happy? HA!
I'm depressed and lonely, I literally just had sex with a prostitute 5 minutes ago in the hope that it would make me feel better, hell, i've just moved closer to the edge.
The sad part that this isn't some sarcastic joke, its all true....
fuck this life....
I'm depressed and lonely, I literally just had sex with a prostitute 5 minutes ago in the hope that it would make me feel better, hell, i've just moved closer to the edge.
The sad part that this isn't some sarcastic joke, its all true....
fuck this life....
I'm not unhappy. But I'm not particularly happy either. I seem to just be drifting along with no real concept of how to inject some joy into my life.
I have almost 20k in my bank account, just finished my Masters, and there's a girl who I'm pretty sure is interested in me, which is a first. I should by all rights be happy. I'm just.....not.
I have almost 20k in my bank account, just finished my Masters, and there's a girl who I'm pretty sure is interested in me, which is a first. I should by all rights be happy. I'm just.....not.
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