Another Snowman Bites the Dust (Calvin and Hobbes Christmas fic)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Laura Cynthia Chambers, Jan 18, 2023.

  1. Laura Cynthia Chambers

    Laura Cynthia Chambers Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2016
    Location:
    Mississauga
    How did I forget to post this at Christmas? Ah, well, enjoy...

    Hobbes stood with his hands on his hips, scratching his head. A snowman with an old bath towel draped around his waist stood perched on top of the bathroom scale.

    "Why is your snowman weighing himself?" he asked Calvin.

    The small boy proudly waved a mittened hand palm-up at his latest creation. A waxed paper lunch bag lay at his feet. "He's decided to get serious about his health. Last week he visited his doctor for the first time in years. Today he's going back for a follow-up to discuss his snowlesterol levels and making some lifestyle changes."

    "Ah, I see," Hobbes replied, paw on his chin. "What's the prognosis?"

    "Grim," the boy replied, mouth set in a straight line, eyes downcast. "Unfortunately, he's not even going to make it out the door." Calvin opened up the bag and withdrew a rubber band, putting it on the snowman's stick arm. "Thanks to a lifetime of poor eating choices and the stress of a high-paying, low satisfaction desk job, his arteries have become dangerously clogged." Hobbes observed the snowman with concern. "After a vigorous jog around the block, the brand new watch he purchased two days ago registers a meteoric spike in blood pressure." Calvin clenched his mitted fists and leapt, opening his hands and thrusting them in the air. "Ka-BOOM! His heart explodes!" He and Hobbes shared a solemn moment of silence, hats off and hands over their hearts.

    A crinkle of paper caused Hobbes to open one eye. Calvin was removing something from his bag and sticking it on the snowman's chest…

    _____________________________________________________________________
    Calvin's mom looked around the living room. Everything was ready for Christmas. The stockings were hung, the tree was decorated and lit, the smell of fresh ginger cookies filled the air…everything was perfect.

    Everything except….

    She stalked across the floor and picked up a plastic foil-covered pot from the coffee table. Looked down. Erghhhh…..

    "Who picked all the red leaves off the poinsettia?!"
     
  2. Bynar0110

    Bynar0110 Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2022
    Location:
    USA
    Frosty bit the dust.
     
  3. Robert Bruce Scott

    Robert Bruce Scott Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2021
    :guffaw::guffaw::guffaw:

    The Christmas season just keeps starting earlier every year...

    Thanks!! rbs
     
  4. Oddish

    Oddish Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2020
    Calvin and Hobbes should be a Ferra/Tor dual character in Mortal Kombat.
     
  5. Will The Serious

    Will The Serious Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2022
    I can picture that tiger's tail special whipping and spinning down from above. Maybe Calvin has a slingshot with different ammo.
    :devil::drool::razz::nyah::whistle:
    :guffaw:

    -Will
     
  6. Will The Serious

    Will The Serious Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2022
    Always fun to read your posts. Thanks.

    -Will
     
  7. Oddish

    Oddish Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2020
    Or a Spaceman Spiff style raygun... normally it never kills anything, but it would probably miraculously become seriously lethal in MK.
     
    Will The Serious likes this.