Add your own lines/scene(s) to a movie

Discussion in 'Star Trek Movies I-X' started by TrickyDickie, Feb 8, 2019.

  1. TrickyDickie

    TrickyDickie Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    In a painting, darkly.
    Wrath of Khan, just after Spock's death and before the funeral.

    Kirk and McCoy, inside Kirk's quarters. Both are looking absolutely gut-shot and overwhelmed with shock.

    McCoy: "Dammit, Jim, do you....realize that in spite of all of our squabbles over the years, I can't help thinking how that green-blooded....Vulcan was somehow the most human of all of us?!?"

    Kirk perks up.

    Kirk: "Bones, do you realize that Spock would say that the only way you can have the last word, and deliver your ultimate insult, is to wait until a time like this when he can no longer defend himself?"

    McCoy manages a small grin.

    McCoy: "He would say that, wouldn't he?"

    McCoy mulls it over for a moment.

    McCoy: "You should work the 'human' accusation into the eulogy....laughter is my best prescription."

    They both start laughing.

    At the funeral, Kirk tries desperately to bring some humor to counterpoint the grief, but at the last moment the torpedo tube coffin and Scotty's rendition of 'Amazing Grace' on the haunting bagpipes prove too much and he chokes up.

    But there was more behind the line, "Of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, his was the most....human" than we ever knew.

    ;)
     
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  2. Admiral Archer

    Admiral Archer Commander Red Shirt

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    This is just an edit of the scene from Nemesis where Riker says goodbye to Picard. If I'm not much mistaken, it was supposed to play out this way in the script that leaked. Also, I would include this alongside all the deleted scenes that were meant to play out in the ending:

    Riker enters the ready room.

    PICARD: Will!

    RIKER: Permission to disembark, sir!

    PICARD: Granted. So...where's the Titan off to?

    RIKER: The neutral zone. We're heading up the new task force. Apparently, the Romulans are interested in talking.

    PICARD: Well, I can't think of a better man for the job. If I may, just a word of advice about your first command: when your first officer insists you can't go on away missions...

    RIKER: (smiles) Ignore him...I intend to.

    Riker looks about, clearly stalling.

    RIKER: I'm gonna miss this ship.

    PICARD: Will, the Titan is a fine ship. You've earned your own command.

    RIKER: I know. She's the most beautiful ship I've ever seen...but she's not the Enterprise.

    PICARD: And she never will be. But she will be your home.

    RIKER: Captain...serving with you...has been an honor.

    PICARD: The honor was mine...Captain.

    Riker exits.
     
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  3. Finn

    Finn Admiral Admiral

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    No. Just no. I think that would have ruined or cheapened Kirk's line during the funeral
     
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  4. TrickyDickie

    TrickyDickie Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    :shrug:

    Different people handle grief in different ways. It's not all about sadness for everyone....
     
  5. Firebird

    Firebird Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

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    However, Kirk is portrayed at being emotionally shattered to numbness by Spock's death. The levity here would be completely OOC for Kirk at that moment. Even McCoy isn't a barrel of laughs on the bridge at the coda.
     
  6. Finn

    Finn Admiral Admiral

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    :confused:

    I'm not talking about sadness, other emotions or how people handle grief.

    I'm talking about adding on to highly esteemed lines may ruin or lessen the meaning, impact, etc, of that line. Imagine if we had a scene in Chain of Command Part two, where we saw Picard alone before Madred came in, and Picard was muttering about seeing five lights, but tried to tell himself to keep saying "there are four lights".

    Or if they had a conference room scene in Elogium, where the Doctor or Tom talking about sex appeal, before Tuvok making that comment about them losing their sex appeal.

    Even if it's well written, it may be better to be left simpler.
     
  7. Maurice

    Maurice Fact Trekker Premium Member

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    ILIA: My oath of celibacy is on record, Captain.
    KIRK: I'm sure the crew is aware of that.
    ILIA: I'm sure...but are YOU?

    :D
     
  8. Pauln6

    Pauln6 Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Kirk has a long established gallows humour so the line is in character but I think I'd agree that Spock's death cuts through that armour so it would feel like something more suited to the start of TSFS than the end of TWOK after he's rebuilt his defences.

    I'm toying with the notion of trying to add dialogue to TMP to add some spice to a few of the many reaction shots.
     
  9. Firebird

    Firebird Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

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    I did much the same thing with my attempt at writing about 15-minutes worth of reshoots and ADR lines to enhance or replace some of the deficiencies in the script over in the fan fiction forum.
     
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  10. Mr. Laser Beam

    Mr. Laser Beam Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    I know this isn't the Kelvin forum, but I didn't want to start this same thread there (one of its moderators and I don't exactly get along) so I thought I would post this here. I would add a scene like this at the end of STID. It takes place in Carol Marcus' quarters on board the Enterprise.

    (Door chime)

    CAROL: Come in.

    (Kirk enters. Carol stands up.)

    CAROL: Captain?

    KIRK: At ease, Lieutenant. I have a message for you. I don't know what's on it, but it was sent by automated courier an hour ago - for your eyes only. I wanted to deliver it in person.

    CAROL: Thank you, Captain.

    (Kirk hands Carol a data clip and leaves)

    CAROL: Computer, please play back message on this clip. Authorization: Marcus, Carol; eight six seven, five three, zero nine.

    (Admiral Alex Marcus - Carol's father - appears on the viewer. Carol is understandably shocked)

    MARCUS: Hello, Carol. If you're seeing this, then I must be dead. And knowing my line of work, I probably did not die well. I won't give you a long-winded speech about why Section 31 exists, or anything like that...I can only tell you that I do what I do, because it means the Federation will survive. That YOU will survive. My involvement in Section 31 has probably come out at this point. And you will surely hate me for the rest of your life for what I have done. It breaks my heart that this has to happen...but even if you hate me, at least you'll still be alive. And I think it's worth the risk.

    (long pause)

    MARCUS: Goodbye, Carol.

    (message ends)

    CAROL: (choking back tears) You're wrong, Daddy...I still love you...
     
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2020
  11. at Quark's

    at Quark's Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
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    <Picard is about to meet Kirk in the nexus>
    <Guinan's voice, offscreen> And from his point of view, he just got there too. Ask his help for next tuesday.
    Picard: Tuesday?
    <Guinan>: …. just messing a bit with his head.
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2019
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