A bunch of British jokes.

[trekkiedane]

»The top 15 funniest jokes from the Fringe
1. "I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change" - Ken Cheng

2. "Trump's nothing like Hitler. There's no way he could write a book" - Frankie Boyle

3. "I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?" - Alexei Sayle

4. "I'm looking for the girl next door type. I'm just gonna keep moving house till I find her" - Lew Fitz

5. "I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated" - Andy Field

6. "Combine Harvesters. And you'll have a really big restaurant" - Mark Simmons

7. "I'm rubbish with names. It's not my fault, it's a condition. There's a name for it..." - Jimeoin

8. "I have two boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house" - Ed Byrne

9. "I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died... which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine" - Olaf Falafel

10. "Whenever someone says, 'I don't believe in coincidences.' I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!"' - Alasdair Beckett-King

11. "A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men's singles event" - Angela Barnes

12. "As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer" - Adele Cliff

13. "For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don't want to do it" - Phil Wang

14. "I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark" - Adam Hess

15. "I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act" - Tim Vine«
From: http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-scotland-40999000 where you can find more (older ones)

 

[DimesDan]

All from the Fringe?

 

[trekkiedane]

^Links to earlier years in the linked article, if that's what you're asking.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

3. "I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?" - Alexei Sayle

Well, whaddya know. Sayle is actually capable of saying something funny. You'd never know it from when he was on The Young Ones.

 

[Pingfah]

My friend won it in 2015, with the Hans Free joke.

 

[UncleRogi]

I thought spotted dick would be in there somewhere, but I'm watching my weight.

 

[Spot261]

I went to a baker's shop today and asked for a cake....

"Certainly Sir," came the reply, "this one is 50p, this other one is 50p and this one is 50p, but the one on the left is £1"

"Why is that one £1?" I asked, bemused.

"Why, surely Sir knows that is Madeira cake"

 

[Spot261]

I tried shoplifting once, but they were too heavy....

all except for the paper shop, which blew away.

 

[Asbo Zaprudder]

Alexei Sayle: "I read you're mostly likely to die of the same cause as your grandparents, which means I'll probably live foever because my grandparents were killed by Cossacks."

"People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs."

"Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator', we say 'lift'... they say 'President', we say 'stupid psychopathic git.'"

"Dire Straits is a great band. Someone tells you they like 'Brothers in Arms' and immediately you know they're a stupid annoying git."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

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[Spot261]

Alexei Sayle: "I read you're mostly likely to die of the same cause as your grandparents, which means I'll probably live foever because my grandparents were killed by Cossacks."

"People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs."

"Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator', we say 'lift'... they say 'President', we say 'stupid psychopathic git.'"

"Dire Straits is a great band. Someone tells you they like 'Brothers in Arms' and immediately you know they're a stupid annoying git."

I like Brothers in Arms

 

[Asbo Zaprudder]

I like Brothers in Arms

I admit buying the album back in the mid 80s. The joke is part of Alexei Sayle's shtick - just like Lenin of the Rovers.

 

[Spot261]

I admit buying the album back in the mid 80s. The joke is part of Alexei Sayle's shtick - just like Lenin of the Rovers.

I know

 

[Butters]

Well, whaddya know. Sayle is actually capable of saying something funny. You'd never know it from when he was on The Young Ones.

I quite enjoyed his soliloquy bits.

 

[StarCruiser]

I admit buying the album back in the mid 80s. The joke is part of Alexei Sayle's shtick - just like Lenin of the Rovers.

I have, probably half a dozen of Dire Straights' albums. Love 'em all... Along with Pink Floyd, The Eagles, Depeche Mode, Tom Petty (with and without the Heartbreakers) and on and on. Plus - Bach, Beethoven, Mozart, Stevie Ray Vaughn (yes, I include him with classics).

 

[Asbo Zaprudder]

I have, probably half a dozen of Dire Straights' albums. Love 'em all... Along with Pink Floyd, The Eagles, Depeche Mode, Tom Petty (with and without the Heartbreakers) and on and on. Plus - Bach, Beethoven, Mozart, Stevie Ray Vaughn (yes, I include him with classics).

It was petty much open season in the UK on Dire Straits after MTV aired the video for Money for Nothing.