Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #540: Welcome aboard!

Pulaski: "Ambassador Grilled-steak-with marinated-mushrooms is dead."
O'Brein: "We need to get rid of the body."
Riker: "And I know exactly how."

 

PICARD: Well, I guess that resolves who's doing the dishes.

 

Picard: Welcome to the Enterprise, this is Ambassador Troi, my Chief Engineer LaForge and... merde! I've forgotten his name again.

 

The crew react to Counselor Troi giving them the finger as she dematerializes off the transporter pad.




Pulaski: "Even though we've gotten away from the concept of 'family' in the 24th century, it still is nice to eat together, to build camaraderie, which is why I've brought you here to the ship's buffet room."
Troi: "I sense a lot of hungry people. Let's eat."
Geordi: "We can all see that, Counselor."
Worf (bellowing belicosely): "ENOUGH!"
(plates of French fries start materializing)
Picard: "Salt? Doctor, what is this? I ordered Gray Poupon, not salt."
Pulaski: "Captain, you're not allowed to have any wine no matter what it's in.Your sodium levels are fantastic, so eat up."



The crew look on in shock as the mysterious figure muffled "Are you my mommy?" from within the swaddling.

O'Brien: "Nope, she's alive. I owe you a Coke."
Pulaski: "No thanks, I don't do drugs. Just like winners."
K'Ehleyr (ripping off mask): "Hey, you guys should get a whiff of this and feel good. They used it on me last month for my root canal."





Much to the chagrin of Picard and Riker, ever-vigilant Worf quickly springs into action the moment that the dignitaries from planet Flatulonx VI arrive, a planet known for its noble gaseous life forms.


Picard: "Next time, Mr. Worf, ask questions first. Didn't you learn anything during the Farpoint encounter?"
Worf: "Oh, shoot, I hadn't."





(the expectant mothers starting at bearded dude in back left)
Dude (to O'Brien): "Don't look at me, I touched neither of them. I prefer East German men."

 

O'Brein: "Captain, message from the surface, the commissioner is going to be delayed."
Laxanna: "Oh Jean Luc, we have time now for our intimate dinner."
Picard: "I think we should wait right here for the commissioner."
O'Brein: "They said it might be a few hours."
Picard: "Grand."

 

Thanks for the Captain's Log win.



Pulaski: The black light scans make it quite clear, captain.
Picard: What do you have to say for yourself this time, Mister LaForge?



Up next on Stereotype Trek: The Next Degradation...

 

Pregnant woman on the left: "I don't understand what happened. One minute, we were attending a casting call for a live Nativity, when all of a sudden..."
O'Brien: "Relax, ma'am. I'll put you folks back. All in a day's work."

 

Picard: "Mr. Worf, please put your mini orange-colored lightsaber away -- you're embarrassing us."





Picard: "Well, we'll see how eager the Pakleds are to join the Federation once they meet Mrs. Troi, our new ambassador."

 

O'BRIEN: They're magically atrocious.

 

O'Brien: In the 24th century we are multi-cultural now!
O'Dell: How can you call it multiculturalism if all you do is mock a different culture every week?
O'Brien: We also do philosophical differences. "The Trump voters are aboard, sir."
O'Dell: Oh very well. "Herp derp, where's the destructo beam"
Prime Sheepinister from Planet Sheepulon: We will easily divide and conquer these...these....
Lambchop: Sheeple?

 

PICARD: Alert the Generals, the team from Globetrotter Prime has arrived.

 

Picard: Transporter Chap! Beam those enchiladas aboard now!

 

Picard: Welcome aboard the Enterprise. May I introduce, Lieutenant Commander La Forge, Transporter Chief O'Brien, and Counsellor I-Didn't-Have-Time-To-Put-Makeup-On-This-Morning Troi.


Pulaski: She's dead, Will.
Riker: Quick, get the lid back on! We'll beam her back into space and say there was a mix up with the rendezvous co-ordinates.


Picard: If Yar were still here, she'd have vaulted over the console and tackled him to the deck, rather than just standing there shooting at an intruder.
Riker: Well that's what you get when you give the vacant post to the first person you see, I told you to go for one of those three-breasted cat women!


O'Brien: Wait...how did all the straw beam up as well? Whenever I beam away teams from other planets I don't transport the dirt there as well!

 

TFTW LH!





Captain Picard: Welcome aboard! Laxwana Troi, this is Number One who served up Captain Pike, Christine Chapel who served under Captain Kirk and... *Counts Quicky* about 50 drawings. Including a cat woman.

Laxwana: What talented people.




Picard: Oh, and check we actually beamed them into space. There was a famous trick pulled with one of these executions about a century ago.





Pulaski: Their life expectancy isn't great, must be a girlfriend of Worf's.




Riker: Bloody hell, Worf actually took down an opponent!




O'Brien: Oh fuck off.

 

Miles was utterly transfixed as he locked gazes with the sheep from across the room.

 

Dark Helmet (os): I see your Schwartz is as big as mine.
Riker: *groan* It’s my father’s brothers’ cousin’s nephew’s former roommate.

 

24th Century Pizza Delivery: When it Absolutely, Positively HAS to be There in Ten Secodns or Less...



Pizza: "Hey! Who put this giant slice of Soylent Green on my pizza?!"

 

Pulaski: Let's help her get out of it before she suffocates.
Riker: The capsule?
Pulaski: The relationship with Worf.

 

O'Brein: "Hey look, it's the actor Sean Bean."
Pulaski: "And he's dead."

 

Troi: My God. They're forming...
Picard: Transporter Chap! Abort! Abort!
Worf: What a handsome race.