TNG Caption This! #353: Time Capsule: Part 4

[Holdfast]

RIKER: Join Starfleet and see the universe, they said. Meet interesting people and influence galactic events, they said. What do I get? Rocks.

Auditions for the 24th century Matrix remake were progressing well.

CRUSHER: We will never speak of this again.
WORF: Don't worry, I'm not proud of it either.

DATA: Yeah, you're both my bitches now.

RIKER: It's true; UV light does age you.

 

[Armored Saint]

RIKER: It's time to make a lot of The Empire Strikes Back references.
**Data uses the Vulcan nerve pinch on Riker**
ALLENBY: Thank you!

DATA: Commander Riker, the ship no longer appears on our sensors.
RIKER: They can't have disappeared. No ship that small has a cloaking
device.
DATA: There is no trace of them, commander.
WORF: Sir, Admiral Nechayev demands an update on the pursuit.
RIKER: Get a shuttle ready. I shall assume full responsibility for losing them, and apologize to Admiral Nechayev. Meanwhile, continue to scan the area.

 

[Finn]

Countdown to "They took a scan of Riker's brain and found nothing" joke in 5...4...3...

You should have posted this within five minutes after Leadhead started the new contest

 

[Nerys Myk]

 

[Triskelion]

Data: Holding position near the assholes, sir.
Riker: You mean asteroids?
Data: Yes, those too.

Data: Tasha warned me of how seriously your planet takes its limbo contests.
Ishara: And our Fiesta deck shuffleboard is no cakewalk, let me tell you.
Data: Rape gangs?
Ishara: Ya think?

Crusher: - And don't worry, Worf. I won't tell anyone about your downsized testicle.
Worf: Redundant!
Crusher: Potato, mugato.

Worf: If we were on a Klingon world, you would commit ritual suicide before asking to be carried.
Data: Good. Now sing Soft Kitty.

Riker: And no one will notice the dye job?
Romulan: Not unless they have weird alien powers that can visually process wavelengths of 400-700 nanometers on the EM spectrum.
Riker: But we humans do that all the time!
Romulan: Oh. Have you considered a Porsche?

 

[Armored Saint]

DATA: Hurry up young men, I don't wanna miss Matlock!
WORF: Sir, his eyes...he has cataracts!!!!!
RIKER: Why should he get possessed each by an old scientist each time he meets one?

 

[anthony_lynch15]

Riker: I could have sworn there was a planet here yesterday?!?

Data thought an element of danger might make limbo dancing more interesting.

Crusher: I'm removing you from active duty until we know more.
Worf: Did you know that a Klingon born with red hair is immediately killed lest shame be brought down on the family's house?
Crusher: Yes, you have in fact mentioned it before.

Data: Commander Worf? Commander Riker? What are you doing?
Riker: Ummmmmm, this is all part of your dream program Data.
Data: I see. Then you may proceed.

Doctor: This is a nasty head lice infestation you've got here. Have you been in physical contact with any Klingons lately?

 

[Nerys Myk]

.

RIKER: Wow, you can find anything on ebay.

 

[Vassa]

Riker : Nice thinking, Data! I had no idea how I was going to pay that bar tab.

Data: I take it your date with Geordi did not go well?

Worf: Tell the boy if he reconfigures any of my Holo-deck exercise programs again, I will kill him!
Beverly: Now Worf, it can't be that bad! What did he do?
Worf: He re-programmed all of my opponents to look like "My Little Pony" and dis-engaged the safety protocols. He has NO HONOR!

Worf : Whatever you're doing, Commander? Data seems to be enjoying it.
Riker : I'm turning him on.
Worf : That would explain the grin.

Voice off-screen: Answer the question or we'll muss your hair!!
Riker: Go ahead and try!


​

 

[Armored Saint]

DORN: You know mister Bowman, I can carry Brent alone, I did it in season 2. I find this way too risky for Jonathan's back.
FRAKES: Don't worr**Crack** aaaargh

 

[Armored Saint]

Data: Sorry Ishara, but the way you are using fireworks is wrong.

 

[Triskelion]

Data: Mother told me not to marry a military man. A lover in every port, she said.
Worf: Your mother was a meddlesome toaster. I mean - STOP IT!

 

[Armored Saint]

DORN: No way I will ever wear an old-man sweater.
FRAKES: Me neither!

 

[Triskelion]

Worf: For the record, Klingon warriors do not wear clean underwear.
Crusher: I know.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Worf: "Is there anyone on this ship who doesn't have their walls decorated with cheesy space posters?"
Crusher: "Says the man with the Kahless-on-velvet painting in his living room."

 

[anthony_lynch15]

Worf: "Is there anyone on this ship who doesn't have their walls decorated with cheesy space posters?"
Crusher: "Like you've got room to talk! I've seen that Kahless-on-velvet portrait on your wall!"

Editing yours Jonas Grumby because I thought of something amusing while reading it.

Worf: "Is there anyone on this ship who doesn't have their walls decorated with cheesy space posters?"
Crusher: "That's a window Worf!"

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Worf: Doctor, please open the door. I'm due on the bridge.

Beverly: ...

Worf: Doctor, I demand you release me at once! I must not miss my duty shift!

Beverly: ...

Worf (sighs): Very well. I promise never to make fun of the way you say CWAY-SAWNT ever again. Are you satisfied?

 

[inflatabledalek]

First Officer's Log Supplemental: Troi badly misunderstood me when I asked her if she'd like to get my rocks off...

Data: You sister shot something very different into my face.

Ishara: Shut up!

Worf's Personal Log: Getting my annual prostate exam from Doctor Crusher is just too embarrassing, I'm going to have to put in for a transfer to a place where the CMO isn't going to so much as slightly arouse me when they stick their finger in my Great Hall.

Frakes: ...And this is for getting more plots than us!

Riker: You wouldn't think it, but using a holodeck always adds a surprising amount of age to my look.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Riker: "No. BUD light."

Nerds...In...SPAAAAAAAACE!!!!

 

[Honorable Ensign]

"Nice choice of screensaver, sir."