DS9 Caption Contest 90: No Small Roles

[Smellincoffee]

Thanks to all who participated last week! Hard to pick favorites as always, but that's the job.

This is either a passably witty play on words or a butchered misspelling, take your pick. ​

T'MOE: Oh, a wise guy eh?

Bashir: So Nog listens for the beer man, Sisko barks nonsense at sportscasters, Kira knuckles her balls, and what do I do again?
O'Brien: You explain to Worf that he can't actually kill the ump.
Bashir: Even when it's honorable?
O'Brien: Even when it's honorable.

"He's how many months pregnant??"

SLOANE: Careful Doctor. You're about to ruin my unnecessarily complicated plot which relies on several unrelated things going exactly the way I expect them to in a busy place with dozens of unpredictable random elements.
BASHIR: You're alive how?

Nana Visitor: (OS) Damn it! She wins. I can't believe Marc haven't noticed he doesn't have his Cardassian makeup two hours after playing the Voyager drinking game.

Annnd....

​

Sisko: Report. Spare no details.

Bashir: Your Chief of Operations has a tummyache.

This week's theme: No Small Roles, with a concentration on minor characters! This may run short, depending on participation, because I'm playing with the idea of a special one for the start of April. We're bearing down on the 100th contest, so the countdown begins; each contest will have a focus on one character or a set. I think I'm borrowing the idea from the TNG contest.

Now, miner characters!

Spoiler: Minor...?

"Minors, not miners!"
She is minor! She's a teenager!​

Okay, folks, the contest will run for at least one week.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Jake: Stop staring, Rom. This is getting a bit Oedipal.

Eddington, singing: Do you hear the people sing? Singing a song of angry men?...
Sisko: Please tell me you actually read the book, not just the musical.

 

[Candlelight]

​

Nog's explosive diarrhea was about to literally land him in Odo's office.

"Bah-weep-Graaaaagnah wheep ni ni bong."

"You sunk my battleship"

"You asked me to fix your helm console and I've found your problem. Main display had moisture damage. Looks like a coffee stain."
"Oh... er..."

 

[shivkala]

Dukat: Now, I need to zoom in, but to do so, I need to enter the "cheat" code, now what was it again? Oh, yes, "up, up, down, down, left, left, right, right, b, a"

Seconds before falling...

Nog: Nonsense, Jake, Ferengi ears have enlarged ear drums making for better balance than you hoo-mons, see...woah!

Quark: So, this is a time before hoo-mons moved to a non-monetary based economy? Rom, Nog, we're staying right here. Now, how'd you like to be the first hoo-mon to own his own moon?

♪♫He's a pin ball wizard
There has got to be a twist.
A pin ball wizard,
S'got such a supple wrist.♪♫

Eddington: You know, Ben, you keep bending like that you're no longer going to be Javert, you'll be more like Quasimodo.

Sisko: Hugo-t to be kidding me.

Eddington: Victor-y shall be mine!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

IRA STEPHEN BEHR: I have a lock on the actress playing Ziyal.
RON MOORE: Fire. With that actress the stories we have planned for her would be far too creepy.

JAKE: Resist the urge to kick the chair over. Resist the urge to kick the chair over. Oh, screw it, it's just far too good! (Kick)

QUARK: So you're telling me, 20th century Earth is just like Ferenginar, only with FEWER regulatory laws?!

WEYOUN: I've analyzed their attack pattern. Still I can't understand how they managed to take us by surprise.
DAMAR: They attacked from above. You know space is 3d right?
FOUNDER: *sigh* "First, prepare to activate the next Weyoun clone."

SISKO: You know I watched Les Miserables last week. Russell Crowe was great.
EDDINGTON: You're dead to me.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Bashir, offscreen: Sigh!
Garak, offscreen: What's the matter, doctor, are the subtitles too difficult to read?
Bashir, offscreen: Not at all. It's just that this film is a bit creepy.
Garak, offscreen: My good doctor, "The Unending Occupation" is the finest example of the repetitive epic in film form.
Bashir, offscreen: Garak, it's just generations of Bajoran and half-Bajoran women being sent to labor camps where they toil, lose the men they love, until they submit to the authority of the "benevolent" camp commander.
Garak, offscreen: Stirring, isn't it. I find this young woman especially ravishing.
Bashir, offscreen: Oh, please! You're a crusty old man, and she's barely a teenager.
Garak, offscreen: Spare me your federation values.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Jake: Is your uncle really trying to flirt with Kira?
Nog: He lost a bet. Or he's trying to win one.

Eddingington: And if you press this button, the console - EXPLODES IN YOUR FACE!
(The console explodes in his face.)
Sisko, sipping raktajino: That must have hurt. What was the plan, exactly?
Eddington: ..you were supposed to have been sitting here.

Weyoun: We've received another communique from this Dr. Horrible person.
Changeling: Ignore it. The Dominion is no 'evil league of evil'.
Weyoun, droning: Certainly not! You in your wisdom have created in it the most beneficent-
Damar, thinking: That 'Freeze Ray' might keep certain mouthy shapeshifters in their place..

 

[Nebusj]

``These Bajorans have not learned very well how not to be seen.''

``Nog! Don't sit like that, you'll fall over and lose a leg!''
``Oh, like that ever really happens!''

Quark is fan-struck on finally meeting Cookie from Beetle Bailey.

``Yes! Yes! Keep at it! Our forces are demolishing them!''
``Um … this is the cocktail table edition of Galaga.''

``Well, okeydoke, Cap'n Sisko sir, let me just whip up a little composition on my trusty piano keyboard here.''

 

[anthony_lynch15]

Dukat: My god, it's some sort of prison camp. The Breen are a truly barbaric race!
Kira: Are you kidding me right now?

Jake: Call me "hewman" one more time.

Quark: An authentic pre-federation hewman hat, do you know how much I could get for one of these back home?

Weyoun: Is that a smudge?
Damar: I'm sure it's nothi......
Founder: The Dominion will not tolerate uncleanliness!

Sisko: Plot a course to the Badlands.
Eddington: Whatever you say Javert!
Sisko: Tell me Mr Eddington, have you read the scene where Javert slammed Jean Valjean's face in to the console?
Eddington: ....

 

[Mistral]

"Give me one ping, please."

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the win!

Odo: *through the link* so they haven't noticed the console is actually me?

Female changeling: *through the link* No…

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Female Changeling: Gentlemen, it is time to leave.
Dukat: We can't leave until Weyoun and I have all the high scores. That will remind Sisko that we vow to retake the station ... again.
Weyoun: Multiball!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Bajoran Press Your Luck contestant (offscreen): "Big bucks! Big bucks! NOOOOO Pah-wraiths!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

NOG: Yep, it's all about the uniform. Changes everything, Jake. The ladies will be lining up. Any second now hot and cold running women. Have to beat them off with a stick. Gonna be swimming in ladies....

 

[Triskelion]

TFTW Smellincoffee!

Kira: Ze death camp, once eet casts eets spell, holds one in eets net of wonder forever.
Worf: Enough with the Jacque Cousteau bit!
Kira: Ze happiness of ze war bébé eez to exist....

Jake: Check it out. The dabo girls are completely clothed.
Nog: <Looks>
Jake: Dumbass.

Nog: Think of all he could do - invent the internet, predict the stock market for the next three hundred years, or prevent World War III with some well-placed phaser technology.
Quark: - and I'm telling you, they're gonna want to cancel Firefly! You must NOT allow it! Fans will be pissed!

Damar: And have we decided what we want to drink yet?
Weyoun: Something with an umbrella in it.
Founder: Weyoun....
Weyoun: I'm sorry, for a minute there I thought I was an adult man allowed to choose his own drink.
Damar: Wife?
Weyoun: Alien shapeshifter bent on galactic domination. So, you're not far off.

Sisko: "Our disaster recovery plan is this: help help"? Are you sure that's Les Misérables?
Eddington: Yes - there's Javert, and there's his dog, Dogbert.

 

[Smellincoffee]

24 hour warning!

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the win!

Dukat: Does a restraining order count if you're trying to rescue your daughter from Breen Slavers?

Kira: 500 yards is 500 yards, Dukat.

Nog: I can take those Klingons.

Jake: No, you can't.

Nog: They heard me and they're not coming over here.

Jake: They're just waiting for you to fall down.

Odo: (off screen) Those guys are going to be so mad when they realize we just beamed them into a holodeck when they got to Earth.

Weyoun: Pop fly to deep right field.

Female Changeling: Runner on 3rd going for home.

Dukat: Batter makes it to second base.

Damar: The Klingons have outflanked us! Starfleet and Klingon forces are on their way here! Should we start the evacuation?

Dukat: Wait til the 7th Inning Stretch.

Eddington: Where are we really going Javert?

Sisko: I heard the Voyager got lost in the Delta Quadrant by flying through this part of the badlands. You're locked on course now. Sisko to Defiant, one to beam up. See you in 70 years, sucker.

 

[Armored Saint]

DAMAR: I feel like General Dodonna during the Battle of Yavin!

 

[Nerys Myk]

WEYOUN: I thought we had agreed, no anchovies.

 

[Finn]

Sisko: *thinking* At least, I'm not at home with Kassidy