DS9 Caption Contest 89: Springing Forward

[Smellincoffee]

Thanks to all who participated the last two weeks! The next contest's theme is Spring Forward, of great plans and adventures . But first, winners!

Sisko: Lets go through this again...
O'Brien: Julian said that his appendix was inflamed. He said he'd have to wait until Doctor Merani got back tonight to operate.
Odo: And then...
O'Brien: And then I dared him to operate on himself.
Sisko: Chief...
O'Brien: In my own defense, he came up with the idea to do the operation in Quarks on his own!

The look of a man who couldn't get laid even in a holosuite...
.

Worst. Cialis commercial. EVER.

No one was sure how to tell Julian that his fly had been open for three days.
"

tftw!

OPAKA: Do not be concerned with the fact that I must remain here. Whoever replaces me as Kai will be every bit as reasonable and helpful as I was.

CHA'POK: You just gonna sit and drink water or are you gonna order something?

Sisko: It's 90,000 light years to the Gamma Quadrant. We've got a full reactor of warp plasma, half a packet of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses...

Kai Opaka: Hit it.

============= Springing Forward! ====================

 

[Finn]

Nana Visitor: (OS) Damn it! She wins. I can't believe Marc haven't noticed he doesn't have his Cardassian makeup two hours after playing the Voyager drinking game.

 

[Nerys Myk]

BASHIR: This isn't exactly cricket.

O'BRIEN: You said it, mate!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

VULCAN: This is my human impression. Ooh ooh, ahh ahh!



BASHIR: I know everything about baseball, I studied it in 20th century Earth history. So, how do you score a touchdown?




SISKO: Doctor, what happened to the Chief?
O'BRIEN: I insulted Keiko's plants.
SISKO: And Keiko did this?
BASHIR: No. The plant did it!




SLOANE: Careful Doctor. You're about to ruin my unnecessarily complicated plot which relies on several unrelated things going exactly the way I expect them to in a busy place with dozens of unpredictable random elements.
BASHIR: You're alive how?




WINN: Come to think of it. You look familiar. Were you at the Karatite Labor Camp?
DUKAT: *laughs hysterically*
WINN: What?
DUKAT: I'll tell you later.

 

[Armored Saint]

SISKO: Sisko to sickbay! The Captain has Vulcain jaundice!

REVEREND SLOAN: You may now exchange your rings.

 

[Nerys Myk]

T'MOE: Oh, a wise guy eh?

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Winn (giggling hysterically): I am SO baked right now! I almost thought you were Gul Dukat.

Dukat: My dear, you have no idea. I went through my entire ship's stores of kanar before I could even think of hooking up with you.

Winn (in Karnac-like voice): May a thousand desert Pah-wraiths infest your undershorts.

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the win!



J.G. Hertzler: (thinking) I wonder if I'll ever get to play any other parts on this show...




O'Brien: Wait, aren't we at war?



Sisko: Report. Spare no details.

Bashir: Your Chief of Operations has a tummyache.



Bashir: Thank you for coming to this in depth presentation on Dominion biogenic weapons. Oh, have you seen my sample vials? They look like bottles from the hotel minibar.

 

[Roddenberry]

Who knew, even Vulcans can't help perving when a tight tushie goes by.


O'Brien: Julian, you lied to me again!
Bashir: What about this time Miles.
O'Brien: You said pin stripes would make me looks slimmer!


Sisko: What happened Doctor?
[O'Brien groans]
Bashir: Well we were in the holosuite...
Sisko: That's it, you're both banned from the holosuites, every time you go in there, one of you ends up hurt and Chief..
O'Brien [weakly]: Yessir.
Sisko: If you don't want to spend time with Keiko, just divorce her.


Bashir was so proud to be named mutant of the year.


Kai Winn: I give up, what noise does a prophet make when it farts.
Anjohl Tennan: Pah-wraith

 

[shivkala]

Captain: Commander Sisko, have you been studying the historical records I've sent you for a Captain Robau? Apparently, he is somehow able to penetrate the space-time barrier with his, to quote my findings, "Badass Nature."

Commander Sisko: Yes sir. It is now my dream to become as badass as him.

Captain: As a Vulcan, I would normally view attempts to emulate such an individual as illogical. However, Captain Robau is so illogical he is, in fact, the most logical thing I have ever encountered. Though, I still have one question.

Sisko: Yes, sir?

Captain: How is my Robau impression.

Sisko: Decent, sir, though you might try to shave your head. In fact, I've toyed with the idea myself, though Jennifer is not a big fan of the the bald look...

Bashir: Why does this holosuite program look less like an actual baseball field and more like a 1990's syndicated sci-fi show soundstage?

[/URL]

Bashir: I'm afraid the chief has been literally injured from being poked fun of so often in these caption contests.

Sisko: Ouch, it's a good thing I'm above reproach, then. Carry on. Oh, and Doctor?

Bashir: Yes, sir?

Sisko: You might consider protecting yourself, it seems you are a favorite target of some captioners.

Bashir: ...so I said to the girl, "in that case you better wear underwear."

Sloan: (to himself) My plan is working perfectly, they are so focused on how inept Dr. Bashir is in social situations, they will never notice my Batman Gambit until it's too late!

Dukat: ...and then I dressed up as a Bajoran and got you to fall in love with me! Wait a second, if I'm the Bajoran's most hated person and I've done all this to you, why are you laughing with me?

Kai: With you? I'm laughing at you, because the real Kai Winn has been dead for years. I'm a Founder, you stupid solid!

 

[Nerys Myk]

SISKO: It could be lupus.

BASHIR: It's not lupus!

 

[T'Girl]

Sisko: "I heard one of my crew spent the entire episode having the crap kicked out of them, who is it?"

Bashir: "By this point, do you still need to ask?"

 

[Armored Saint]

SISKO: It could be lupus.

BASHIR: It's not lupus!

O'BRIEN: If I hear "lumbar puncture", "MRI", "sarcoidosis" or "treat with steroids", I activate the EMH!

 

[Triskelion]

TFTMLA, Smellincoffee!



Ooh, skant!
...
MAN SKANT! MAN SKANT! ABORT SEQUENCE!




Bashir: So Nog listens for the beer man, Sisko barks nonsense at sportscasters, Kira knuckles her balls, and what do I do again?
O'Brien: You explain to Worf that he can't actually kill the ump.
Bashir: Even when it's honorable?
O'Brien: Even when it's honorable.




Bashir: I'm sorry, sir. He's got - the space diabetus.
O'Brien: WHAT?!
Bashir: I love doing that.




Sloan: Have you heard the good news? Can I tell you the good news? About cheeses?
Bashir: Do what now?




Winn: And the Emissary never told Odo they all use his bucket on long runabout trips!
Dukat: Eew! Wait - I thought it was only human religion that uses confessionals?
Winn: Tell them that!

 

[Nerys Myk]

SLOAN: Welcome to Section 31.

BASHIR: Thank you I'll do my best to....

SLOAN: Great, now get out there. Table 20 needs their appetizers!

BASHIR: Wait...what?

 

[Nebusj]

``Well, then, who's playing first?''
``Yes.''
``Who?''
``That's right.''
``Who's right?''
``The fellow playing first base.''
``I'm asking you who's on first?''
``I'm telling you, that's the man's name.''
``What's who's name?''
``Yes.''
``Lemme try another angle. Who's on second?''
``Oh, that's Ambassador G'Kar.''
``God, I hate crossovers.''

 

[Candlelight]

'Commander, what is a "duck face"?'



"I was in Under Siege 2"
"I was in Syriana"
"Fine, you bat first"



"He's how many months pregnant??"



"I'll be your valet this evening sir"



"Remember that time you got hold of that bad acid and didn't come down for two weeks, you kept telling everyone that you were Jesus Christ and then you jumped off a roof 'cause you thought you could fly!"
"What a bummer."http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0117165/?ref_=tt_trv_qu
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0117165/?ref_=tt_trv_qu"No shit."

 

[Smellincoffee]

Twenty-four hour warning, everyone!

Well, 20-hr warning, anyway. New contest will be up tomorrow night, along with some new awards. I don't know if it's traditional for every new caption host to come up with their own 'award' pictures (I miss all the Vulcan-themed "WINNERS!" awards from a year or so ago ), but I cobbled a pair up. Ten more contests 'til the big 100th!

 

[Alrik]

"Uh oh, someone's in trouuuble."



O'Brien: "Look, I studied my 20th and 21st century history. That is NOT how it described getting to third base."



Sisko: "Are you sure?"

Bashir: "No doubt. Tennis elbow."

Sisko: "From darts?"

Bashir: "Who knew?"



"Eric Stratton, Rush Chairman, damn glad to meet you."