Movies Caption Contest #243: In your face!

[Triskelion]

Picard: Computer, where did Admiral Necheyev go?
Computer: The transmission was a two-dimensional subspace signal comprised of electrons and photons moving across a semiconducting substrate and projected through a transceiving color electronic display.
Picard: But where did she go?
Computer: The signal was terminated at its source.
Picard: Necheyev. N-E-C-H-E-Y-E-V.
Computer:....?

B'Etor: Thank you for inviting us to your plastic containerware party. Do you have anything to store the bleeding heart of a PetaQ?
Crusher: Our Commander Worf swears by his mixing popcorn bowl.
B'Etor: But is it bloodstain resistant?

Soldier: Shall we shoot them, sir?
Sulu: Wait, you have guns?

 

[Alrik]

TFTW!

Computer: *Beep*

Picard: "This had better not be another Spacebook friend request from Gul Macet."

Crusher: "Hi, my name is Beverly. I'm the CMO of the Enterprise. I like candle light dinners, long walks on the beach, and would love to find someone to share my mornings enjoying coffee and a qwaa saunt."

Gowron (O.S.): "What? This dating site is useless. Switch it off. NOW!"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Captain's Log: Good news! An eye exam by Doctor Crusher and an evaluation of my computer terminal by Commander LaForge have confirmed that I do not need corrective lenses, eye surgery or Retnax 5. On a related note, Commander Riker and his warped sense of humor are about the learn the true meaning of the phrase, "shit rolls downhill."

 

[Nerys Myk]

B'ETOR: Time Bandits again? Mrs. Ogre creeps me out!

SORAN: Actually, it's a live feed from the Enterprise.

 

[Armored Saint]

B'ETOR: Wait, did I see a Vulcan sister of K'Ehleyr in this sickbay?

 

[Triskelion]

Sulu: The first one of you who makes a shaft joke is going to learn a whole new meaning of the word penal reform.
Henchmen: That's what he said.
Sulu: Ok you get that one.

 

[Armored Saint]

 

[Hawku]

"Computer, what we did last night is not to be spoken of again."

"Would you shoot this?"

"Aw snap dems turbolifts is broke!"

 

[Alrik]

SULU: "Oh my."

TROI: "Oh brother."

 

[Orac]

Sulu: Don't make me come up there!

 

[Nerys Myk]

SULU: Looks like they found the Fizzy Lifting Drinks.

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Computer, have you detected any sign of a peppermint planet yet?
Computer: Negative. The statistical likelihood of a naturally-occurring celestial body comprised of artificial confection remains astronomically unlikely.
Picard: How about a MILF planet?
Computer: This terminal is shutting down for diagnostic maintenance.<Blue Screen of Death>

Wesley: I've asked you to stop answering my hails with your colonoscopy camera.

Beverly: Fine, back in Worf's butt you go.

Wesley: NO! NEVER MIND!

Henchman #1: I don't know, are rocket boots physically viable?
Henchman #2: This guy with the questions.

 

[Bry_Sinclair]

If that's Janeway calling, again, to gloat over her promotion to Admiral, I'm going to reach through that screen and rip that bloody bun off the top of her head!

Crusher: Now that I've healed your injuries, Geordi, perhaps I can help you with your sexual inhibitions.
La Forge: With gusto!
Lursa: Turn it off. Turn it off!
B'Etor: I can't find the remote!

Sulu: Hang on, they've gone upwards to deck seventy-eight and they're not even on the bridge?

 

[Armored Saint]

DUDE IN RED: What is falling?
DUDE IN WHITE: POOP?
SULU: That's no turboshaft! It's the sonic septic tank!

 

[Smellincoffee]

Skants and glass turbolifts: two bad ideas that are deadly when combined.

Picard, thinking: For a luddite Anij makes enthusiastic use of the comm system.

 

[Candlelight]

Data: "This is Data, so call me maybe"
Picard (thinking): "I wish he'd stop doing that"

November 18, 1994: A million Star Trek fans cried out in terror.

"Clearly we've arrived at the top of the ship and the others are accelerating away from us towards the bottom of the ship."
"And we're upside down??"
"There's no up or down in space. Twat."

 

[Armored Saint]

PICARD: Who's the stupid Admiral who will put us or the whole Federation in trouble this time? Section 31 my ass, their real name is Starfleet Command!

BEVERLY: Funny, one of those Lilliputians is wearing and old Starfleet uniform.

SULU: LILLIPUTIANS?

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Computer, hold all my calls. I am not to be disturbed.
Computer: Acknowledged. All calls will be put on hold.
Picard: No, don't put them on hold, hold all my calls.
Computer: All calls will not be put on hold but will not be held.
Picard: Listen to me! Hold all my calls! Do not put any calls through at all costs!
Computer: Listen to you hold your calls while putting any calls through at all costs.
Picard: Data! Are you on the com impersonating the computer again?!
Computer: Query unrecognized. Please input the specified parameters.
Picard: Oh very well then.
Computer: Ass.

Crusher: I'll be with you every day, Geordi. When you're touching your prostate, you're touching me.
B'Etor: PETA'Q! CHANGE THE CHANNEL NOW!

Sulu: 78 decks? Huh, Enterprise is bigger on the inside. Hey, isn't this some kind of trademark violation against the Doctor?
Henchman 1: Who?
Sulu: Precisely.
Henchman 2: What?
Sulu: Shut up, Neville! Gosh!

 

[Armored Saint]

PICARD: Computer, are you trying to provoke the first case of artificial heart attack?

 

[Nerys Myk]

COMPUTER: Incoming transmission from the Big Giant Head...