Where can I learn more about her original version?
I've got an extensive synopsis of it somewhere. I think it's in one of those Mark Altman/Edward Gross books.
The characters generally seem stronger and richer, a lot more like how they eventually evolved. The premise also stays truer to the premise of allowing an insight into the inner core of each character (prime examples: Deanna Troi going insane because she can't get a moment's peace within her own head; Riker worrying that he is placing a career above a family; Tasha more overtly regressing to a child-like state of mind and reliving the troubles of Turkana IV... I think that later plot point was actually ripped wholesale out of this and put instead into another season 1 script, but it would have made more sense here). The eventual plot, by comparison, just uses the
idea as a means for everybody to act drunk, goofy, and/or horny.
One of the most striking things about the Fontana drafts is this difference in tone. When the crew of the Tchaikovsky contact the Enterprise crew, it's a tense scene where it appears they've all murdered each other and the 'last one standing' is frantically trying to hold themselves off from commiting suicide... then, woosh, the sound of the hatch opening, and silence. Compare this with the television version, with the lady talking about "pretty boys on the Enterprise" and the like... it's just less interesting, dramatically speaking. IMHO.
(I'm not trying to rag on 'The Naked Now'. I actually like the transmitted version a lot, and I really appreciate its sense of humor, unlike others. But I do also think that, from a dramatic perspective, Fontana's version is clearly the superior one in nearly every way.)
Wow, that sounds much more interesting and what would have been a real TNG take on "The Naked Time", getting glimpses into the characters we're getting to know, rather than just "everyone gets horny, shenanigans happen". Sounds like Roddenberry got so eager with his "in the 24th century, everyone has orgies" mantra that he wanted to splice it in an episode as soon as possible.
The irony is that according to the book, Fontana's version was actually the
*second* draft script. Yes, Roddenberry actually did the first draft version, which was basically very similar to what we eventually got, but Fontana took on second draft duties because everybody in the writer's room agreed that Roddenberry's version sucked... only for Roddenberry to
then rewrite Fontana's second draft again to put it back to how he originally wrote it. Complete madness, no wonder there was a mass exodus behind-the-scenes in season 1.
I've tracked down the book in question (
'Creating The Next Generation', by Mark Altman and Edward Gross, ISBN 0-7522-0843-8', in case anybody is interested in checking it out, it's a great book that has got synopses and observations about nearly all of the early draft storylines of season 1, and exactly how the constant rewriting, mainly from Roddenberry himself, made things worse rather than better).
I actually was mistaken in some of my assertions above (I misremembered the Tasha plot). For the record, the sequence of events in Fontana's draft of 'The Naked Now' is (very broadly) described as follows:
- The Tsilkovsky distress message is not somebody looking for "pretty boys", but is instead a scared and panicking female voice who has apparently locked herself in the transporter room. The Enterprise crew are horrified that, while talking to her and trying to determine what the situation aboard the Tsilkovsky is, they can actually hear the sound of Hand Phasers being fired in the background of the transmission, with a tell-tale pitch that confirms they're set on 'Kill'. Suddenly, the lady's voice cuts off, replaced by another voice declaring that the Enterprise should stay away from them, "unless you've been sent on the wings of angels". This voice then goes on to declare the Tsilkovsky crew "sinners" who will "repent or go to hell". After a moment, this voice then adds that they've decided they're all going to hell anyway, and *then* we hear the sound of an emergency hatch being released... and silence. Cue opening titles.
- Aboard the Tsilkovsky, instead of discovering signs of a wild party as in the transmitted version, the away team instead find signs of battle between the crew. There are dead bodies everywhere, and the room where the hatch was blown open is described as having the remains of exploded crewmembers splattered across it's walls. A much grimmer determination.
The basic gist of events remains the same however: Geordi discovers the frozen bodies in the shower, and is the first to catch the virus.
- Back aboard the Enterprise, Geordi is ordered to the bridge, but instead decides to visit Wesley, pretty much exactly as in the transmitted version. In this scene he begins to show remorse for his inability to see (and he transmits the virus to Wesley). He then wanders the ship and is eventually tracked down to the ship's lounge, where Tasha finds him and is the third person aboard to pick up the virus (again, all pretty much as in the transmitted version). The difference here is that instead of hitting on her, Geordi tries to
hit her... as in, he's filled with "pain and rage", and he actually takes a swipe at Tasha. Tasha renders him unconscious and drags him to sickbay, but Doctor Crusher can't find anything wrong with him.
- Riker looks up the events of TOS:'The Naked Time' (as in the transmitted version). Tasha visits Troi in her office, asking Troi about different types of clothes she can wear to "change my image". Troi senses uncertainty and helplessness in Tasha, and Yar says she wants to be less authorative, more approachable.
- Having discovered the apparent cure to the virus in the ship's records, Picard goes to sickbay and is surprised to find two security men laughing hysterically outside the door. Inside, he finds Beverly, who hits on him. Her beef is that she feels no man ever wants to try and have a relationship with her, because she's the widow of a Starfleet hero. She feels
alone. Naturally this whole thing makes Picard a little nervous, but she passes the virus to him. Picard orders her to focus on her job and she immediately puts on a professional face, but the moment he leaves she slumps face down at her desk and starts to cry.
- Wesley The Brat takes over engineering in pretty much the same way he does in the transmitted version.
- On the bridge, reports come in about various events onboard ship, and Data questions the mental state of the crew. Fights are breaking out on board just like they did over on the Tsilkovsky. Picard seems distracted, but tries to contact Tasha, she doesn't respond. He sends Data to go look for her. Data finds her in her quarters, where she is "dressed down". As in the transmitted versions she comes onto him, but says it's her sensual side. "This is how I want people to see me" she says, that she's "got a softer side" underneath her tough, exterior shell. But the crucial difference: they do
*NOT* have sex. Data simply tells her that he can not help her with her emotional needs, "although I wish that I could". He then innocently wishes her well and he leaves.
- Wesley contacts Picard, and declares his hand. He's going to "make the engines sit up and do tricks". Deanna contacts Riker, asking him to come see her. When he gets to her office, he finds her curled up on the ground, in a fetal position, screaming in agony. She cries that she's in pain from feeling all the negative emotions that are floating around the ship as a result of the virus, and further adds (bitterly) that she hates never being alone in her own mind. Extremely disturbed, all Riker can do is take her to sickbay, where he receives a frosty reception from Beverly. Bev has created the cure, but is annoyed when it apparently doesn't work. She decides it must be a different strain of the virus, and sets to work trying to discover it... but she is having trouble concentrating.
- Fire fights are breaking out among the crew. In engineering, the chief engineer fights off an attack by some of the crew, even as Wesley sits there and continues not to give her access. Back on the bridge, Data reports that Tasha isn't well, but is somewhat preoccupied with being Pinocchio: he asks Picard if he can ever become a "real human-boy". Meanwhile, the star is collapsing, and things are beginning to get heated. Picard is wracked with tension, feeling the stresses of so many lives being under his command, and so many potential deaths on his conscious.
- Riker, still by Deanna's side, has fallen into the virus. He takes her by the shoulders and declares his love for her, but then declares just as determinedly that he should be professional and not give in to these feelings. He is conflicted about having a family or having a career. He worries that he's falling into the trap that Picard did, of rising up the ranks but being forever alone at the top.
- Back on the bridge, things are getting more critical, but Data is no help at all: he's regressed to true 'Pinocchio' mode and is sitting on the horseshoe railing, swinging his legs and singing a happy child's song. The engineer contacts the bridge and says she's got through to engineering, but Wesley's meddling has misalligned the Dilithium Crystals. In 14 minutes the sun is going to explode, but it will take longer than that to get the crystals realligned.
- Picard decides to go down to engineering and survey the situation personally, Data gleefully skipping along behind him. He declares bitterly that if Data really is Pinocchio, then he feels more like Gepetto. He confesses to Data that he is unhappy being Captain of a ship with
families aboard, that he's got the lives of
civilians to worry about... as well as the welfare of his officers. He doesn't know if he can handle the burden of anything happening to the children...
- In sickbay Beverly discovers the cure, and begins adminstering it to the crew. Contacting the Captain, Riker agrees to meet him in engineering and takes a hypospray of the cure with him. In the engine room, Picard is highly depressed, and more than a little angry at Wesley. Wes for his part is angry back, condescendingly pointing out that the solution to the dilemma is "simple", and that they should "short circuit" the normal restart procedures. At a loss for anything better to do, Picard orders it to be done.
- Cured of the disease, Picard, Data and Riker return to the bridge to oversee operations. The engines are kick-started again just in time to escape the exploding sun, although the Tsilkovsky is less lucky. The crew observe that at least the Tsilkovsky's destruction means the virus onboard is gone with it. Picard declares that they will conduct a memorial service for the "brave crew" of the Tsilkovsky, and then orders the ship to depart for it's next destination.
As you can see, the basic structure of the story is the same, bar for a few isolated events (Dilithium Crystals rather than isolinear chips, for example). But the difference is in the tone of the script, and in the way it (like it's TOS forebear) opens up the inner feelings of our main characters, allowing us a little more insight into them as people. Altman and Gross go on to compare it to the transmitted version, deciding that 'The Naked Now' as transmitted does *nothing* of the sort: several of the characters in the transmitted version, including Riker and Deanna Troi, barely seem to be affected by the virus at all, and the characters who
are affected show no inner turmoil or reveal anything about their characters... instead, the virus simply makes everybody horny and want to hump each other.
I'm not saying Fontana's draft of the story is great. I'm not even saying it's good. It's still derivative as hell of the TOS episode from which it borrows it's plot. But it *is* significantly better than what we actually got, if only for the reasons Altman and Gross state above.
