TNG Caption This! 330: Goldshirts Appreciation

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! Sorry about not getting a contest up last weekend!

First up to the plate, we have the "Don't disturb the Picard!" Award, going to:

Picard: Stop. Picard time.

Next, we have the "Lack of diplomacy" Award, going to:

Q: You humans and your need for sleep. Where's that explorer's spirit during bedtime?
Picard: What part of 'piss off' do you not understand?

Next, we have the "Just can't catch a break" Award, going to:

GEORDI: Relax, baby. We're all alone out here.

Next, we have the "Now it all makes sense..." Award, going to:

Frakes: OK Mr. Baird, I'll let you direct Nemesis.

Next, we have the "Leslie Nielsen" Award, goes to:

Worf: I faked every orgasm.

Our Photoshop Award, goes to:

...and I had a full house!

Imperial Warbird Khazara Log, Stardate 46533.2: You'd think this Starfleet pilot was blind or something.

Worf: "You were so drunk you thought I was Riker? Do you know how much synthale you'd have had to have drunk to make that ridiculous claim even remotely plausable?"

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to all of our winners!

I wanted to do something a little different this week, so lets hang out with the Goldshirts!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Data: (thinking) Picard and Riker are gonna be so mad when they find out I stole the Enterprise.

Troi: Very funny, now beam up my clothes.

Worf: Engage.

La Forge: You're living in the cargo bay now?!

During the second season, Michael Dorn did some scenes facing away from the camera so that he didn't have to wear the Klingon Makeup every day.

 

[Nerys Myk]

LAFORGE: How long were you in that 80s synthpop band, Chief?

 

[Finn]

Reg: *mumble*

Geordi: *enters* Reg, what are you doing? You are supposed to have all of that cataloged by now. What am I supposed to tell the Captain? He wanted it an hour ago!

Reg: *mumble* Computer, remove Geordi

Geordi: What are you talking about

Reg: Computer..end program....*taps combadge* Barclay to Engineering. Someone please do a diagnostic on Holodeck 3. The voice commands aren't responding.

Geordi: You aren't on the holodeck...

Reg: Are you sure?

 

[Nerys Myk]

LAFORGE: Put down my viewmaster! That's vintage!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, "Evil Lincoln"!

Worf: "I don't care how Captain Kirk used to do it! I'm in charge here! You go in first!"

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Worf: You men, make sure the alien prisoner doesn't leave the cargo bay until I come and get it.
Guard #1: Not to leave the bay, even if you come and get it.
Worf: No, UNTIL I come and get it.
Guard #2: Hic.
Guard #1: So we don't need to do anything but stop the prisoner from entering the bay.
Worf: No, LEAVING the bay.
Guard #1: Leaving the bay, yes.
Guard #2: Hic.
Worf: Oh, go get a glass of bloodwine!

 

[shivkala]

TFTW!

Geordi: Data, I don't think the Captain was giving you an order when he told you to get a sense of humor.

Data: I believe he put me in charge, Geordi, and as such, it is my decision to interpret his words as I see fit. Now, Mr. Worf, open a channel with the Ferengi and see if they have a sense of humor for sale.

O'Brien: You recommended me for a position on Deep Space Nine? With all due respect, Lt., you don't know what you did! That old gypsy cursed me with incredible bad luck if I ever took a position where I would be in charge.

Geordi: Gypsy curse? Mr. O'Brien, really? Haven't we evolved past all that?

O'Brien: I guess you're right, sir. I mean, really, what's the worst that can happen to me if I take the position?

Worf: This the graffiti that was reported?

Security Officer: Aye, sir.

Worf: And that is supposed to be Commander Riker's phallis?

Security Officer: I'm just a security officer, sir, I'm not qualified to critique art.

Geordi: Reg, what the hell are you doing?

Barclay: Well, sir, it all started when I first began to watch the 21st century show Breaking Bad...

Worf: Could you two keep it down? Isn't there any place on this ship where a Klingon can just relax and listen to the soulful melodies of Taylor Swift? That girl has had such bad luck with men.

 

[Nebusj]

``Oh jeez, traffic cops. Worf, get down here. If I get ticketed again I will lose my license.''

Ernie Anderson: On the next thrilling album of The Buggles: The Next Generation!

``Ensign Timmy Bobby Rusty, you go in there and get eaten by the space monster. Then, time loops and you go in again and get eaten. Then, time loops again and so on. Eventually, the monster will be full. So if you go in and don't get eaten then it will be safe for us, and the last iteration of you will live. Now move.''
``... Sir, are you getting enough sleep?''

``Barclay, this isn't the place for your holodeck picnic.''

Data: ``The lieutenant said he is not crying, and also if `Enormous Louis' calls about the six grand he bet on Cleveland then he's also not here.''
Worf: ``That's `Fat Louie' you lunkhead!''

 

[Bry_Sinclair]

Data: Gentlemen, we have a problem.
La Forge: Yeah, the distinct lack of chicks here!
Worf: Agreed, this has turned into quite a sausage fest.

La Forge: Ah Chief, what's that puddle on the transporter pad?
O'Brien: That was supposed to be Admiral Donoghue.

Worf: Now we have a huge mess in there to sort out, men. Dustbusters at the ready!

La Forge: Reg, if you've learned your lesson than this time-out will be over. Ok?

La Forge: I think I've realised why I strike out all the time with the ladies.
Data: Why is that?
La Forge: It'd be better to give you a practical demonstration, I mean you are fully functional aren't you, Data?

 

[Triskelion]

Geordi: What's wrong with Worf?
Data: He was hoping to see zombie Walter White.
Geordi: We all were.

 

[Mojochi]

Picard & Riker's daily vaudeville act was getting old

Laforge: Maybe Reg was right to fear the transporter. Was he missing that much hair before the transport?

Worf: I order you to go to the parent/teacher conference with my snotty son. You can take backup if you need to

Barkley: I've finished my analysis Commander. These Duplo blocks are much less engaging than the Lego ones

Geordi: What will it cost me to get you to be the one to tell him Guinan is out of prune juice?

 

[R. Star]

Thanks for the win!

Data: Activating Emergency Command Android subroutines.
Worf: Your orders sir?
Data: Mr Worf... fire the photonic cannon!

Geordi: I can't get a date.
O'brien: I can't get rid of my wife.

Worf: You two... around the corner. Engage the hostile alien while I'm back here ah... covering you. Remember today is a good day to die!
Goldshirts: ....

LaForge: Reg, what are you doing?
Barclay: It's my new invention, it's called the Orgazmo 10k. Wanna try it?

Data: What is wrong with Lieutenant Worf?
LaForge: Captain Picard wouldn't let him destroy the Romulan ship.
Data: Perhaps he should speak with Counselor Troi about his trigger happy issues?
LaForge: He did, why do you think he's so upset?

 

[Vassa]

Data: In fact; straight for us, and by my calculations, none of you will be fast enough to join me in the escape pod.

Kirk's voice over the comm: Beam me up, O'Brien!
O'Brien: Who is this? Kirk NEVER said that!

Dust bunnies ahead, Gentlemen!

Geordi: Hey Reg, Why'd you insist I come down here?
Barclay: Geordi, you have to help me. I've fallen in love a Periodian. The Federation is secretly relocating their entire civilization without their permission! You have to help me!
Geordi: Oh Boy!

Geordi: Okay, you sneak over and push him in.
Data: Is this the appropriate time for an evil chuckle?

 

[Nerys Myk]

Data's plan to celebrate the Captain's return with a twenty-one gun salute took an tragic turn.

 

[Nerys Myk]

ENSIGN RICKEY: It's just a cat sir, I don't think you need backup

WORF: I said, set phaser for kill!!!!!

 

[bbjeg]

Thanks for the pick.

After seeing Picard and Riker's death the senior officers only had one thing on their mind.

Data, Worf, and Geordi: I call Captain!

Geordi: Another mistake like that and I'm transferring you to the deepest space assignment I can find.

Data: But sir, nobody worries about upsetting an android.
Geordi: That's 'cause androids don't pull people's arms out of their sockets when they lose. Klingons are known to do that.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Wesley (from planet surface through intercom speaker): "Did you beam up the package from the coordinates I gave you, Chief?"
O'Brien: "Yes. A flaming paper bag."
Wesley (snickering): "And did you stomp on it to put out the flames?"
LaForge: "No, we let the ship's automated fire control system put it out."
Wesley: "Dammit!"

LaForge: "Reg...?"
Barclay: "Just snapping a pic for my Spacebook page, Commander. It'll be a scream once I photoshop in the lolcats!"

 

[Holdfast]

The Enterprise-D Michael Jackson Concert Night goes horribly wrong when Geordi & Worf learn the Thriller moves but Data does Smooth Criminal.

O'BRIEN: That ain't right.

WORF: Pull my finger.
WHITE DUDE: Again already?
BLACK DUDE: Wait, let me get my phaser out so I can light it.

GEORDI: OK Reg, playtime's over, time for your nap.

DATA: He hasn't moved in an hour. Do you think we should do something?
GEORDI: Yes. Steal his drink while he isn't looking.

 

[inflatabledalek]

Data: Bridge to Engineering, Commander LaForge, we need the deflector dish to fire an inverted tachyon pulse in the next 30 seconds in order to save us from the giant mutant space goat...

Geordi, why are you on the bridge in a crisis?

O'Brien: I'm so glad that Leadhead isn't doing the contest anymore, he was so annoying and short and smelt faintly of wee.

LaForge: You realise Evil Lincoln is the same guy, right?

O'Brien: Bugger.

Worf: No seriously, you'll be fine. It's certainly not part of a plot on my part to get you all killed and replaced by hot blond Bajoran chicks.

Lt. Smith: But Sir... no one suggested that.

Worf: And nor should you. Now go attack that leaky nuclear reactor. For honour!

Geordi: Wow, I'm disappointed. You've been locked in here half an hour, I'd have expected you to have at least built a tank.

Geordi: Worst game of Marco Polo ever.