DS9 Caption Contest 81: Douchey Moves

[Ln X]

After destroying O'Brien several times in the last contest we now move on to the next bout of captioning, and forgive me as I indulge in a bit of Onion-esque humour.

Evek: Chief O'brien, you're charged with--
O'brien: Let me guess. Fabricated charges of smuggling? Torture? A show trial? My wife testifying against me?
Evek: No... you're speeding. Please don't pass warp 5 while traveling through Cardassian space.

Look Molly, it's a rounded chunk of Muppet Flesh from Henson V!

O'BRIEN: I'm naked, on a cold floor and feel like I've been hit by a truck. Must be Tuesday.

O'Brien getting through one month without suffering any woes was reason for celebration...it didn't happen very often though.

O'BRIEN: Is that...Keiko dancing naked?
BASHIR: Sorry. That's from MY subconscious.

O'Brien: One of these days I'm going to beat Scotty's drinking record.

The tag caption award goes to the following:

O'BRIEN: On the bright side, this is the least terrible thing that's ever happened to me..

OS Hears the snap of Rubber gloves
O'BRIEN: "Oh bloody hell"

Congratulations to the winners, in the time you spent captioning you could have read the Principia, discovered the secrets of Zen or made amends to your significant other.


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And now as requested by your dozens of desperate daily emails here are five more pictures to keep you happy!

You know the drill!

 

[Ln X]

Worf: The captain has dishonoured me by his actions!
Quark: So what you going to do about it? Cut out his heart and eat it or some of that Klingon claptrap?

Sisko: The Prophets spoke to me.
Kasidy: What did they say?
Sisko: Beware of women seeking your hand in marriage and allies who are enemies in disguise.
Kasidy: Anyone in particular?
Sisko: ...

Kira: Weyoun, you even give me one leery look and I will smash those bulbous ears of yours!

Jadzia: Have you had a little nip and tuck to get rid of that baby weight?
Kira: <speechless>

Quark: What do you mean I have to abide by 'Omertà'?

 

[Finn]

Bashir: *OS, as a groggy Sisko wakes up* There. Your Renal exam went well

 

[Candlelight]

Quark: "Worf, you forgot your hairbrush."

"I had a dream I was traveling through time. I went back to the Khitomer conference of 2293..."
"That's nonsense."
"Admiral Cartright is correct, that's silly."
"I see your point but- wait, Admiral who?"

"Yes, I can also pick up satellite television."
"I wasn't going to-"
"Come on, lets get them all out in the open. 'Is that Dumbo I see flying past'?"

Kira: "What was that?"
Jadzia: "My hand."
Kira: "No, I thought I heard something."

Quark: "Rule of Acquisition #69; cardigans are nifty"

 

[JirinPanthosa]

WORF: Do you smell that Quark? It's the scent of frightened prey!
QUARK: I think that's just me.

CASSIDY: Now that that's finally over, we can move on with our lives and not deal with all this Prophet stuff anymore. Right Ben?

WEYOUN: You must tell me one day, Major Kira, what it is like to bang a God.

DAX: Hey, have you ever thought of abusing your relationship with Shakaar to get special privileges, like rare vintage Bajoran wines and stuff?
KIRA: No, of course not! Now on an unrelated topic...I have to go...wash my hair.

QUARK: Next time you slap me on the wrist can we go without the smug Odo justice speech?
SISKO: Only if next time we reference Earth we can go without the smug 'Earth history is way more savage than the Ferengi' speech.
QUARK: Okay. Everybody gets to make speeches.

 

[R. Star]

Thanks for the win!

Worf: So I know nothing of Klingon women...
Quark: Which is funny being I've been in the pants of more Klingons than you have.

Sisko: I see dead people!
Joesph: I wish people would stop confusing me with that Cartwright person...

Weyoun: You have been found guilty of terrorism. The death sentence will be suspended however, if you pay the Founder Odo daily... conjugal visits.

Dax: So... the religious icon Bareil, the leader of Bajor Shakaar, and now a member of the ruling caste of the Dominion... you do love powerful men.
Kira: I would never fall for Dukat.
Dax: I was talking about Odo.

Quark: You know Commander, your Ferderation legal system makes this too easy. This fascist has never read me my rights or gotten me a lawyer. Why do you think I'm back without any legal hassle every week?

 

[jazzstick]

Thanks for the Winning™!!!!

Worf: You are lucky we are not on Kronos Ferengi!
Quark: Why's that?
Worf: I would enact the Qu'Cho!
Quark:What's that?
Dax: That's where the man presents the testicales of his love's former suitors to her as a gift of courtship.
Quark:Oh...

Kasidy: Hey honey wake up! Doctor Bashier got that bowel obstruction out!

Sisko: You're never cooking again!

My eyes are up here Weyoun!

Momentarly forgetting she was no longer a man, Dax slapped Kira playfully on the ass while making kissing sounds...

Sisko: Quark, this is absoulutly the last time you try to run a Rub and Tug in the sickbay!

Quark: I'm sorry captain, I didn't know that Pah'Lowzian was a man, I couldn't tell!!!

Sisko: Neither could I!

Otto(Mumbling): If that's what you have to tell yourself...

Sisko: What was that Constable?

Otto: I'll have him in front of the magistrate first thing in the morning Captain!

Sisko: Alright then!

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: Cosplay is with out honor!

QUARK: I didn't do it. I was off the station. I can get signed affidavits saying so.

SISKO: You really need to wait till I say something before denying it.

KIRA: I'm winning the most attractive female contest.

DAX: Not if you combine my votes with Ezri's.

 

[Triskelion]

Jadzia: Getting residual vibes from Counselor Troi again Worf?
Worf: Commander Riker has grown...a goatee.

I had the strangest dream. And you were there, and you were there, and you were there.

Was there a Tin Man?

Yes, and he kept saying "Gomtuu, we're friggin' lost."

This is my jam right here!
Oh? What is this song?
I Ran (a Cardassian Labor Camp) by A Flock of Guls.

Sometimes I have more spots than normal down there.
TMI!

Quark: You're the Fashion Police, too??

Sisko: Surprised?

Quark: Yes, from the look of things I thought you didn't have a branch in this sector. And you guys really need an internal affairs department.

Odo: I've been saying it for ages.

 

[Ln X]

KIRA: I'm winning the most attractive female contest.

DAX: Not if you combine my votes with Ezri's.

Kira: Who is this Ezri?

 

[bbjeg]

Sisko: Not another Prophet vision! You guys aren't even trying, Jake should be even more disappointing, Joseph should be more useless, and Kasidy should be bitch-ier.
Kasidy: We're not visions.

Weyoun: Odo said to kill myself? We pledge our loyalty to the Founders, from now until death.
Kira: (Works every time.)

Dax: I mean I was a guy a few times.
Kira: It's still gay.

Quark: Like you wouldn't have used a Romulans death to your gain.

 

[Triskelion]

Dax: Do you like innies or outies?
Kira: None of your business.
Dax: That's good, keep your options open. Or in my case, kill two birds with one stone.

 

[shivkala]

Quark: What's he doing?

Dax: If I didn't know better, I'd swear...oh no, he's doing it. He's launching into a monologue.

Quark: I never thought I'd say this, but I wish he'd just kill me now and spare me the agony.

Dax: You and me both, Quark. You and me both.

Sisko: Just five more minutes! I was having the best dream about Jennifer. There we were, covered in honey, licking each other...

Jake: Dad, stop! I don't need to know about your sexcapades with mom!

Kassidy: Seriously, Ben, I've got to compete with a dead woman.

Joseph: Both of you, shut up! This is the first story he's told that might not put me to sleep!

Weyoun: I must admit, you are a worthy opponent, Major, but face facts, the Founders in their infinite wisdom made the Vorta with the ability to go days without blinking. It's only a matter of time before I win this staring contest.

Dax: So, what do you say? You, me, Quark's, just like we used to do.

Kira: I don't know, I've got an early shift tomorrow and I was hoping to spend time with Odo. Why don't you go with Worf?

Dax: Because the last time I did, the only thing we drank was prune juice.

Kira: Well, that explains why you spent half your shift in the head last week!

Quark: You know, Commander, I could sue the entire Federation for racial profiling and denying me my freedom of religion.

Odo: Harumph. Racial profiling!

Quark: It's true, every time there's a crime, Odo always comes to accuse me first.

Odo: Because it's always you committing the crimes.

Quark: And, another thing, to me, money is my religion. Denying me the opportunity to earn money and therefore follow the tenants of my religion is religious discrimination!

Odo: You have got to be kidding me!

Sisko: Sadly, Constable, he's got a strong argument against us keeping him locked up in that cell.

Odo: At least let me keep him detained until his hearing!

Quark: Was that a knock against my ears! Commander, I demand to add a charge of racism to my previous complaints.

Sisko: Sorry constable, I'm going to have to ask you to release Quark and refrain from comments that reference his ears.

Quark: Damn, this is too easy, I should have thought of this years ago!

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRA: Next time we shouldn't wait till the last minute to find Halloween costumes.

 

[R. Star]

^
I don't know why, but that photoshop is just creepy.

 

[bbjeg]

^Agreed.

 

[Nerys Myk]

Interesting, I've done head flips before and never gotten that reaction.

 

[LeadHead]

Dax: Oh no.

Quark: What?

Dax:: He's about to do his Delenn thing about Klingon history.

Worf: In many times throughout Klingon history, love and honor were connected through heart, courage and danger.

Worf turns around.

Worf: Where did they go?

Sisko: What happened?

Kassidy: You got really drunk and lost an arm wrestling match.

Joseph: (whispering to Jake) Do you want to tell him he lost to Molly O'Brien?

Jake: (whispering to Joseph) I promised Dax I'd let her do it and the morning briefing tomorrow. Don't worry, she's recording it.

Weyoun: (thinking) Perhaps my eyes will hypnotize her.

Kira: (thinking) You're getting creepy, very creepy....

Dax: So when I told him I was seeing Worf, I told him that you often get my sloppy seconds, so are you interested in dating an Orion Prospector?

Sisko: Do you have a real charge for putting Quark in here?

Odo: You owe me for making that recording in yesterdays staff meeting disappear.

Sisko: Fine.

 

[Triskelion]

Daxira: So do I get to be the one to dump Odo?
Kix: Only if I can be the one called "Old Man."
Daxira: You drive a hard bargain!
Kix: Let's go tell Worf we're both pregnant.

 

[Ln X]

Jadzia in Kira's uniform looks hot- ish. Kira in Dax's uniform... It's got to be the head, it's too big.