Anyone else have depression?

[Infern0]

I have depression, triggered by health anxiety amongst other things.

The last two months have been really bad for me, after a very good start to the year.

I used to be great at my job, as a retail manager but now I just don't have the energy anymore. I have to work alone quite a lot as it's a small store and I just get so down about things. At the moment I'm living on my old reputation but my performance is dreadful, I find myself getting frustrated with customers and even sometimes avoiding them. I really used to love dealing with customers, but now the sight of them annoys me, and every request they make has me sighing inside (I am not normally like this)

I don't do anything apart from my basic job description, putting everything off until the last minute, preferring to do nothing but lean on the counter feeling miserable and watching the clock, I just have NO desire to work

My appearance has taken a turn for the worse, I can't be bothered ironing my shirts and my hair is a mess, all I do at weekends and at night is play mass effect.

During the day on weekends I usually sleep all day with my cat next to me, then stay up all night gaming

I know deep down this will probably pass, but I just hate feeling like this

 

[Amaris]

It will pass, but it does suck while it's happening. You will have better, brighter days, and others will be terrible days. If it gets really bad, though, almost chronic, then I would recommend seeing a doctor about it, but that's up to you.

 

[CaptJack]

I've been dealing with depression for the past several years. It helped, at least to some degree, to see a therapist and have someone to speak to about the various issues I was/am dealing with. I've been on medication for awhile now (first Celexa, and for the past five months or so Paxil) and still don't completely feel like it is helping, since most days I seem to be limited to a range of emotion between deep depression and indifference. I'd say that having friends and family to talk to and engage in activities with has been the most beneficial thing for me. Finding little things to smile and/or laugh about - things that temporarily break the hold of the depression - throughout the day has made it easier to cope, as well.

A friend sent me this link awhile back. It helped me to feel less isolated in my depression, and that there might be hope of emerging from it at some point:
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.in/2013/05/depression-part-two.html

 

[Timelord79 (he/him)]

You are in need of a vacation. One where you don't end up gaming all the time away. Anything that breaks your routine.
Sounds like a burn out symptom to me.

So time away from the job would really be needed. When was your last vacation?

 

[Infern0]

You are in need of a vacation. One where you don't end up gaming all the time away. Anything that breaks your routine.
Sounds like a burn out symptom to me.

So time away from the job would really be needed. When was your last vacation?

I had the four days after boxing day off.

A break would be nice

 

[Melakon]

You've not had a day off in seven months? Can you take a sick day, or do you need a doctor's excuse for that? There might also be a medical reason for your depression, so a doctor's visit might be helpful.

 

[Azathoth Unbound]

Raise your serotonin levels. More sunlight, sleep, exercise, and a better diet would do you the world of good.

 

[Infern0]

You've not had a day off in seven months? Can you take a sick day, or do you need a doctor's excuse for that? There might also be a medical reason for your depression, so a doctor's visit might be helpful.

It's very difficult for me to get time off, as I have to arrange cover, which nobody wants to do. Covering is voluntary and nobody at work will do it if they can avoid it. Being the manager if I'm sick and nobody will cover the shop won't open and I'll probably lose my job

I had severe tonsillitis in February and nobody could cover so I worked with it for 3 days and on the fourth day it got so bad my windpipe was almost closed, even then it took, two hours for the cover person to eventually stroll in so I could go to hospital, when I got signed off work for 3 days and told the cover person that basically they have to work the three days he got really shitty and complained nonstop about it, before begrudgingly doing it after the area manager spoke to him.

Generally it's too stressful to even try and get time off, I just get tired of all the excuses.

It's a vicious circle

 

[NCC-1701-B]

I'm also dealing with depression and anxiety, I have a massive phobia of even going outside, even though I love being out and about. I don't do any of my hobbies anymore, I just sit around waiting for the next day to be the same. I'm trans so I'm scared of getting called out or attacked if I go outside. It's a hard thing to get out of.

 

[bbailey861]

You've not had a day off in seven months? Can you take a sick day, or do you need a doctor's excuse for that? There might also be a medical reason for your depression, so a doctor's visit might be helpful.

It's very difficult for me to get time off, as I have to arrange cover, which nobody wants to do. Covering is voluntary and nobody at work will do it if they can avoid it. Being the manager if I'm sick and nobody will cover the shop won't open and I'll probably lose my job

I had severe tonsillitis in February and nobody could cover so I worked with it for 3 days and on the fourth day it got so bad my windpipe was almost closed, even then it took, two hours for the cover person to eventually stroll in so I could go to hospital, when I got signed off work for 3 days and told the cover person that basically they have to work the three days he got really shitty and complained nonstop about it, before begrudgingly doing it after the area manager spoke to him.

Generally it's too stressful to even try and get time off, I just get tired of all the excuses.

It's a vicious circle

Who the hell do you work for??? That's bloody crazy.

 

[King Bob!]

Might be time for a new job?

 

[Mr Awe]

I've known people who have had depression, some had severe depression. Really sucks so you have my sympathies. I also know there are no easy easy solutions unfortunately. Do seek therapy.

And, I know this much easier said than done, but do be sure to put your best effert in at work. You may think you're miserable now, but imagine how miserable you'd be if you were depressed *and* unemployed!

I agree with those who suggest that it might be time to look around for a new job!

Mr Awe

 

[Kemaiku]

The clinical kind, with all the medication, pyschologist and doctor visits to go with it.

 

[rhubarbodendron]

a lack of sleep can also trigger depressions. If you really can't take a few weeks off, then you should at least try to get a minimum of 8 hours sleep every night.
And lots of chocolate - it helps you relax.

Still, the vacation thing must be sorted out. You have a right to have a few weeks off and you being the manager means that you tell your underlings what they are to do. No whining tolerated. Be bossier! You deserve it!
And talk with the area manager. He might help you putting pressure on your co-workers (since atm you don't have the nerves for it). It's better you take 2 weeks off now than being ill for 2 months.

And you should by all means see a doctor. Depression is nothing you should take easy.

 

[Captain Kathryn]

I feel for you~ And I hope you feel better soon.

I will share the short version of my story with this kind of thing.

First off, I think I can confidently say I am not depressed. I laugh quite a bit. Actually I laugh so much it annoys my co-workers. But, I do go to the doctor for anxiety/nervousness and take medication for it (although, like you, it's near impossible to get off EVER.) I also have a past history of OCD from when I was in high school. I haven't had symptoms of it in 10 years. However, some things happened to me this past year that caused me to become overly anxious and have panic attacks. I was hospitalized twice because of it, they couldn't get my heart rate down. They were just anxiety attacks, but I didn't know it at the time. I had the first one when my fiance fought with my parents and our wedding was called off. My heart was beating out of my chest and I hid inside of our garage. Then I jumped in my car and drove to my office even though it was Saturday. I ended up having to go to the hospital because I was so excited and my heart wouldn't stop pounding.

A few terrible things happened to me this past year. My dad lost his job and I have to give him money all the time. My mom got cancer and died. My engagement to my boyfriend of 8 years broke up because he fought with my parents (before she died). On top of that, I work insane hours and my job is crazy. It's a game company, so long hours are to be expected, but my superiors don't know what they are doing and change everything last minute. So, I am in the office most of the time. I have stayed overnight and slept here. I work an hour away too...it's about 60 miles there and 60 miles back. Costs about 100 dollars a week just in gas. My bosses abuse us too and make us work all hours into the night for no overtime pay.

When I am home on the weekends, I too do nothing but sleep a lot. It's because I don't get proper sleep during the week so on the weekend my body tries to make up for it.

Anyway, no matter what happens, life goes on. It will pass. Try not to waste the time you have being sad. I don't know your age...but I think once you are older you will be disappointed that time was wasted on sadness instead of happiness.

If you can avoid it, try not to take medication for your anxiety/depression. It's not easy to get off of, from my experience. It's not just simple withdrawal. You aren't allowed to quit cold turkey because you can have a seizure because your mind has become so accustomed to receiving the medication. So I am kind of stuck not wanting to take it (I keep asking my doctor to decrease my dose, but he doesn't think I should right now) and needing it because my anxiety is already high while taking it. I'm afraid once I stop, I will be even more anxious.

Anyway, try to be happy. But take solace in the fact that others do go through this~ And feel better soon! <3

 

[JarodRussell]

You've not had a day off in seven months? Can you take a sick day, or do you need a doctor's excuse for that? There might also be a medical reason for your depression, so a doctor's visit might be helpful.

It's very difficult for me to get time off, as I have to arrange cover, which nobody wants to do. Covering is voluntary and nobody at work will do it if they can avoid it. Being the manager if I'm sick and nobody will cover the shop won't open and I'll probably lose my job

I had severe tonsillitis in February and nobody could cover so I worked with it for 3 days and on the fourth day it got so bad my windpipe was almost closed, even then it took, two hours for the cover person to eventually stroll in so I could go to hospital, when I got signed off work for 3 days and told the cover person that basically they have to work the three days he got really shitty and complained nonstop about it, before begrudgingly doing it after the area manager spoke to him.

Generally it's too stressful to even try and get time off, I just get tired of all the excuses.

It's a vicious circle

Lose the job and look for a new one.

 

[kirsten187]

I do. It's not severe but I am very negative. I have low self esteem too and tend just to stay at home a lot, except to go to work. I went to counselling about 3 years ago and had CBT.

 

[King Bob!]

All I can say Inferno, is that depression and anxiety finally forced me to leave a job I absolutely loved.

I had been in the hospital multiple times with what I thought was a heart attack. I was spending four hours just traveling back and forth to work. Eating horribly. Working third shift, many night I was there before the sun went down and wasn't leaving until well after it had came back up. Most nights I was off, I was up logged in from home because the manager above me was comically inept. I was writing reports, doing employee evaluations, payroll, was the liaison to our technical group and other financial institutions (including the Federal Reserve of the U.S.) and running production work if we were short staffed.

It wore and wore on me for months to the point my wife was telling me to quit but I soldiered on a few more months. Then I simply snapped. I showed up on a Sunday at 1pm (wouldn't have gotten out before 5am Monday morning) to write employee evaluations and some ass from another department came over and started giving me shit because one of his people called in.

I packed up my desk, walked by the other supervisor, said I quit and never looked back. Now I play stay-at-home Dad and the wife is a supervisor at a telecommunications company. The plus to the whole thing, is that I'm getting to be involved more in my six year old's life, I missed so much when the other two were growing up. But in exchange, I'm on Paxil, Valium and Blood Pressure medication.

 

[Infern0]

I'm also dealing with depression and anxiety, I have a massive phobia of even going outside, even though I love being out and about. I don't do any of my hobbies anymore, I just sit around waiting for the next day to be the same. I'm trans so I'm scared of getting called out or attacked if I go outside. It's a hard thing to get out of.

That must be hard to deal with, feel free to message me if you ever need to talk

 

[propita]

Wishing everyone the best. I know what it's like.

I keep being told to "get an interest outside of myself." Frankly, I'm was never that interested in myself to start with, aside from hating myself for being worthless.

I was told that my negative thoughts went to permanent storage, but all the positive thoughts were ephemeral--meaning that the only thing I recalled were negative thoughts. Talking with people, this is not all that uncommon. Know that this is physiological--which means it's not your fault--and you may be able to find medication to ease the load.

I know this won't be good news, but I didn't start really getting better until I was in my 40s. I know that's depressing (no pun intended) for those in their 20s, but it means you have to keep fighting. And it can be a fight to not just end the pain you're in. Keep going. Keep fighting.