TNG Caption This! 321: Can't Stop Partying

[LeadHead]

Hello Everyone! Sorry, still not back on weekends, but I'll try to be better!

First up to the plate, we have the "Safety Protocols" Award, going to:

LaForge: "So...wanna play Spin the Bottle?"
Henshaw: "Computer! Remove all bottles from holodeck!"

Next, we have the "Leslie Nielsen Appreciation Society" Award, going to:

Crusher: Sickbay to Bridge, I've figured out what we are dealing with. Everyone on this ship who replicated fish for dinner will become violently ill within the next half hour.

Picard: Just how serious is it, Doctor?

Crusher: Extremely serious. It starts with a slight
fever.

Troi starts showing signs of a chill.

Then a dryness in the throat.

Troi starts to talk, but can't because her throat is dry.

As the virus penetrates the red blood cells the victim becomes dizzy and begins to experience a rash and itching.

Troi acts dizzy and begins to itch her arms and legs

From there the poison works its way into the central nervous system causing severe muscle spasms, followed by the inevitable drooling.

Troi starts to spasm and then begins drooling.

At this point, the entire digestive system is rendered useless, causing the complete collapse of the lower bowels, accompanied by uncontrollable flatulence...

Troi begins farting

until finally the poor bastard is reduced to a quivering, wasted piece of jelly.

Troi is reduced to a quivering, wasted piece of jelly.

Next, we have the "Well, whatdya know?" Award, going to:

Stubbs: Wow. He really was playing the world's smallest violin.

Next, we have the "Isn't it Earth, Fire, Wind, Water, Heart?" Award, going to:

Guy on left: FIRE!
Second to left: WATER!
Second to right: EARTH!
Right: HEART!

Next, we have the "Bring out your dead" Award, going to:

Scientist: "I'm getting better"
Riker: "No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment"
Scientist: "I feel fine"
Riker: "You're not fooling anyone, you know"
Scientist: "I think I might go for a walk"

Our photoshop award goes to:

Captain's Log. The force field around Counselor Troi is working. The reduced oxygen content will keep her from having enough energy to state the obvious.

Geordi: I had no idea when we entered the "Best Dressed Person on the Holodeck" contest that the drink would win it.

Congrats to our winners and many thanks to everyone who participated!

New contest! Go! Go!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: You better not have been sitting in my chair while I was gone!

Picard: We're stranded on an unknown planet. Whose fault is it?

Everyone looks at Wesley

Picard: I love the Party Nebula.

Picard: Picard to Engineering, the internet is down again! I'm trying to stream American Dad up here!

Remmik: You're at the wrong table, this is for the old white haired Admirals only.

 

[Gepard]

Everyone felt a little awkward when the greenscreen budget suddenly ran out.

"'There can be no justice...so long as laws–' Holy Christ, who wrote this?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

STEWART: Good lord, this set sucks. They couldn't even afford a trip to Vasquez Rocks?

ADMIRAL: Yes, I know these uniforms are crap.

PICARD: Trust me, Data. This is going to look spectacular in Hi-Def.

PICARD: Why did I sign up for Spacebook? I can never think of anything to say.

RIKER: Looks like the paternity test was positive, Wes.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Stewart: "This isn't exactly what I was expecting when the special effects crew said they could cut their production time in half."

 

[IzzyAtWarp9]

Data: Captain, the training cadets seem to have hit our back bumper. Again.
Picard: For God's sakes! LEARN TO DRIVE YOU BUNCH OF PAKLEDS!


Isis wrote:

Picard: "Note to self: No more bets with Beverly, no matter how horny I am. Because if she won once, she can win again, and I can end up doing even more of young Mr. Crusher's homework."

Picard: "Note to self: I HAVE to learn to control myself!"

Remmik: Sir I have a message from-
Admiral or the right: HOLY CRAP YOU'RE A VULCAN!!

 

[Mario de Monti]

Picard: For the last time Mr. Worf: I am NOT shaving my head, the hair just fell out!

Picard: Why does this planet still look as artificial as the ones in TOS? It´s been twenty years!!

Picard: Mr. Data, I don´t care how pretty you think it is - when we´re having a conversation, I expect you to be looking at me. MR. DATA!!

Picard: ... nice, nice, naughty, nice ... (sigh) ... there are just too many people on board to be doing this Santa thing.

Remmik: The canteen says, the soup is ready.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard (sighs): "I did 'tap pen twice to open file'! Dammit, I want my mouse back!"

Crusher: "Sir! Internal sensors have detected the turbolift doors opening, and two life forms emerging!"
Troi: "Commander! I sense two new presences on the bridge!"
Officer at Tactical (thinking): "Christ, this is going to be a loooong shift!"

 

[Holdfast]

TROI: You know, I can sense the guilt & shame now just as easily as I sensed the lust when you were both still in the turbolift.

PICARD: OK, who was responsible for painting the sky?
WESLEY (looking down, thinking): ... don't make eye contact, don't make eye contact, don't make eye contact...

PICARD: Yes, it's true. That spacestation IS your father.

All Galaxy Class starships come equipped with the latest Galaxy Note.

REMMICK: Sir, urgent message from your wife: she says that if you're late from work today, you'll regret it for the next 7 years.

 

[IzzyAtWarp9]

Worf: I caught him, sir, he was hiding in a Jeffries tube
Riker: Aha! Thought you could get away? Well, tough! You're gonna watch Star Wars I-III whether you like it or not!

 

[IzzyAtWarp9]

Picard: Mr O'Brien we seem to missing Dr Crusher from our landing party. Is she still in the transporter room?
O'Brien: No, sir, her pattern has fully materialised on the planet
Tasha: Where is she then?
Wesley: Err... Guys?
(everyone stares at hole)
Beverly: *Groans*
Picard: Not this again...

 

[Holdfast]

Picard: Mr O'Brien we seem to missing Dr Crusher from our landing party. Is she still in the transporter room?
O'Brien: No, sir, her pattern has fully materialised on the planet
Tasha: Where is she then?
Wesley: Err... Guys?
(everyone stares at hole)
Beverly: *Groans*
Picard: Not this again...

DATA: Now she's thinking with Portals.

 

[Triskelion]

Remmik: The press corps is buying the alien parasite story. No word yet on an ointment for our space crabs.

Vulcan Admiral: Damned Lady Magnolia's Interstellar Cathouse and Wax Museum!

 

[Mojochi]

Picard: Why do you two look like you've been having sex in my chair?

Data: There's a higher than normal methane content in this atmosphere

Picard. Oh, thank goodness, I was about to have Mr. Worf report to sickbay

Data: Starbase decloaking, Captain.

Picard: Now that's pimp

Picard: (Thinking) I don't think this hair follicle regenerator is working. Maybe I read the instructions wrong

Remmick: I don't care if you're a Vulcan. Sometimes Starfleet admirals HAVE to lie

 

[JirinPanthosa]

PICARD: Yes. I did tell Wesley to man the helm.
RIKER AND TROI TOGETHER: Seriously?!
WESLEY: (Texting) Nepotism FTW L8R

PICARD: You must all listen carefully. I've come back in time to the mission on Vagra II to tell you that it's imperative that Wesley be assigned to this away team. Tasha, beam back up to the ship.

PICARD: Data, be honest with me.
DATA: I can be no other way Captain.
PICARD: If Captain Kirk came across an all powerful entity who exercised Godlike power over a helpless race, he would have talked it into blowing itself up or something, right?
DATA: Analyzing. That would be consistent with Captain Kirk's service record.
PICARD: Does the crew think I'm a wuss?
DATA: No sir. All the crew hate the Edo, so they don't care.
PICARD: Thank you Mister Data.

PICARD: Finish my paperwork, holodeck Shakespeare. Finish my paperwork, holodeck Shakespeare. UGGHHHH... ...Picard to Riker, report to my ready room. Picard to Data, meet me on Holodeck 3.

REMMICK: People are starting to complain there aren't enough old white male humans in Starfleet upper management.

 

[bullethead]

Wesley avoided looking at Picard, knowing that it would only confirm that he was behind the Earl Gray to Green Tea prank.

Picard: One of us will eventually die on this planet. Since Mr. Crusher here is only a boy, it probably won't be him. I'm the captain, so it won't be me, either. That leaves Mr. Worf, Mr. La Forge, Mr. Data, and Lt. Yar.
Tasha: How come I'm referred to by rank while everyone else is "Mr."?
Picard: Because my father was a cruel man who made saying "Ms." or "Mrs." cause for a beating with a rock hard, stale baguette.
Worf: Your father was truly a warrior to be reckoned with.

Data was surprised to see that Picard gave no fucks about the uber-powerful being outside the window. But he didn't count on a Q induced time loop mellowing out the previously cantankerous captain.

Jean-Luc tries his hand at Photoshopping with a stylus.

The low point in a Lt. Commander's career: feeding a Vulcan admiral lines in the middle of a viewscreen conversation.

 

[Nerys Myk]

WES: Uh, Captain....

CAPTAIN: Not now, Wesley!

 

[shivkala]

TFTW!

Picard: Damn it, Mr. Worf, I'm not falling for the old "Klingon Tradition" business again. Computer, download all information on Klingon traditions to my PADD.

Worf: Humans. So wimpy.

Captain's Log: I'm beginning to suspect Commander Riker knows something I don't. Usually he's against me transporting down, but this time he insisted I go. I wonder why.

Picard: Data, take a custodial crew to holodecks 1 & 2,will you? I want them cleaned up before dinner.

Data: But I was going to Space Station Tosche to pick up some power converters!

Picard: You can waste time with your friends when your chores are done.

Picard struggled for hours to get his new stylus working. Little did he know that he confused the stylus with Beverly's "little friend."

Remmick: *whispering* So, as I was saying...Hold on, damn it, the creepy old men admirals are checking me out again.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Damn, I wish I knew how to play the Ressikan flute. Too late to learn, I guess.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Savar: What do you mean, I left the iron on?