creepy encounters with cashiers

[sonak]

I used to go to this restaurant for take out about once a week, and the guy at the counter would always call me by my first name multiple times per visit: "Hi Dave", "What can I get you Dave", "That'll be $7.50 Dave", "Here's your food Dave", "Have a good day, Dave".
I always paid cash, but since I was at work I had my work ID clipped to my belt loop and he saw it once and just capitalized on it. Extremely annoying.

yes, this is pretty similar to what I was getting at. It puts you in an awkward position, because if you say "I prefer that you address me as mr. or sir," you sound like a dick. You can try something like "I'm not used to customer service or business personnel addressing me by my first name," but it's still dickish.


Bottom line: it's up to an adult to determine how they prefer to be addressed, especially if it's not in a casual setting. I wouldn't address another adult by their first name in a non-casual setting unless they'd introduced themselves that way or indicated that's how they preferred to be addressed.

It's like that earlier post that brought up the "friendliness vs. politeness" thing.

 

[RandyS]

Last winter, when I was still using a cane and had an infusion pump slung over my shoulder, I decided to try on a cape. The saleswoman heard me tell my friend that I usually don't like loose, floppy clothes, but sleeves were uncomfortable over my PICC line, so a cape would be perfect for a while. So she starts telling me how great I look for someone who's sick, and how many capes she's sold to women who use wheelchairs, and btw what was wrong with me anyway.

It could be much worse, my friend. My godson has CP & is in a wheelchair [well, now its a Rascal scooter thing]. At the mall or movies, people will just stare. Mostly, it is because they just don't know what to say. Often, they are surprised that he speaks so well... they look at the body and assume he's retarded [or whatever the current PC term is].

As somebody who also has CP and uses a wheelchair (part time anyway). I can relate friend. I don't notice getting stared at all that much, but how some people react to me.....ugh. And I will NEVER understand the whole "speaks so well" nonsense. I've been complimented more than once on how well I express myself despite being disabled. As if they can't see that the CP affected my LEGS, not my MIND. But, it DOES perfectly demonstrate the conflicting nature of the current generations "values".

But, OT: I don't mind friendly cashiers, and don't consider them "creepy" (an over-used term that is now used to dismiss practically ANY form of human inter-action anymore) at all. They've never (that I can recall) said anything to me that I would find "creepy".

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

It kind of gives me the creeps when people I don't know, call me by name. Regular customers at my store sometimes do this.

 

[Nerys Myk]

It kind of gives me the creeps when people I don't know, call me by name. Regular customers at my store sometimes do this.

They assume a familiarity because of frequency. It's weird when they do it and you've no idea what their name is, because they're just one of an endless stream of customers.

The customers I didn't like were the one who would ask you questions outside of the store. Back when I worked in a bookstore, I'd have people come up to me when I was at lunch and ask about a new title. The worst part is I'd answer them.

I never went in for the address them by name rule. It always reminded me of a scene in the The Jerk where Navin Johnson ( Steve Martin) keeps calling the customer getting gas "Mrs. Neusbaum, when it's obvious he's neither female or a Neusbaum.

I try to treat every one I meet with basic courtesy and respect, irregardless of age. How they act after that initial meeting will determine if I continue to do so.

 

[sonak]

Last winter, when I was still using a cane and had an infusion pump slung over my shoulder, I decided to try on a cape. The saleswoman heard me tell my friend that I usually don't like loose, floppy clothes, but sleeves were uncomfortable over my PICC line, so a cape would be perfect for a while. So she starts telling me how great I look for someone who's sick, and how many capes she's sold to women who use wheelchairs, and btw what was wrong with me anyway.

It could be much worse, my friend. My godson has CP & is in a wheelchair [well, now its a Rascal scooter thing]. At the mall or movies, people will just stare. Mostly, it is because they just don't know what to say. Often, they are surprised that he speaks so well... they look at the body and assume he's retarded [or whatever the current PC term is].

As somebody who also has CP and uses a wheelchair (part time anyway). I can relate friend. I don't notice getting stared at all that much, but how some people react to me.....ugh. And I will NEVER understand the whole "speaks so well" nonsense. I've been complimented more than once on how well I express myself despite being disabled. As if they can't see that the CP affected my LEGS, not my MIND. But, it DOES perfectly demonstrate the conflicting nature of the current generations "values".

But, OT: I don't mind friendly cashiers, and don't consider them "creepy" (an over-used term that is now used to dismiss practically ANY form of human inter-action anymore) at all. They've never (that I can recall) said anything to me that I would find "creepy".

As I already indicated, it was not the "friendliness" that I found creepy, it was the unsolicited comments on items I was purchasing, and the presumption of addressing me by my first name as if we were friends, when all she'd done is gotten my name from a computer.

YMMV on what you consider "friendly," but to me that's not friendliness.

 

[RandyS]

It could be much worse, my friend. My godson has CP & is in a wheelchair [well, now its a Rascal scooter thing]. At the mall or movies, people will just stare. Mostly, it is because they just don't know what to say. Often, they are surprised that he speaks so well... they look at the body and assume he's retarded [or whatever the current PC term is].

As somebody who also has CP and uses a wheelchair (part time anyway). I can relate friend. I don't notice getting stared at all that much, but how some people react to me.....ugh. And I will NEVER understand the whole "speaks so well" nonsense. I've been complimented more than once on how well I express myself despite being disabled. As if they can't see that the CP affected my LEGS, not my MIND. But, it DOES perfectly demonstrate the conflicting nature of the current generations "values".

But, OT: I don't mind friendly cashiers, and don't consider them "creepy" (an over-used term that is now used to dismiss practically ANY form of human inter-action anymore) at all. They've never (that I can recall) said anything to me that I would find "creepy".

As I already indicated, it was not the "friendliness" that I found creepy, it was the unsolicited comments on items I was purchasing, and the presumption of addressing me by my first name as if we were friends, when all she'd done is gotten my name from a computer.

YMMV on what you consider "friendly," but to me that's not friendliness.

I was relating my own experience and opinion. Not trying to discount yours.

 

[sonak]

As somebody who also has CP and uses a wheelchair (part time anyway). I can relate friend. I don't notice getting stared at all that much, but how some people react to me.....ugh. And I will NEVER understand the whole "speaks so well" nonsense. I've been complimented more than once on how well I express myself despite being disabled. As if they can't see that the CP affected my LEGS, not my MIND. But, it DOES perfectly demonstrate the conflicting nature of the current generations "values".

But, OT: I don't mind friendly cashiers, and don't consider them "creepy" (an over-used term that is now used to dismiss practically ANY form of human inter-action anymore) at all. They've never (that I can recall) said anything to me that I would find "creepy".

As I already indicated, it was not the "friendliness" that I found creepy, it was the unsolicited comments on items I was purchasing, and the presumption of addressing me by my first name as if we were friends, when all she'd done is gotten my name from a computer.

YMMV on what you consider "friendly," but to me that's not friendliness.

I was relating my own experience and opinion. Not trying to discount yours.

ah, got it. I thought the reference to "creepy" was to suggest I was overreacting or something.

 

[thestrangequark]

Last winter, when I was still using a cane and had an infusion pump slung over my shoulder, I decided to try on a cape. The saleswoman heard me tell my friend that I usually don't like loose, floppy clothes, but sleeves were uncomfortable over my PICC line, so a cape would be perfect for a while. So she starts telling me how great I look for someone who's sick, and how many capes she's sold to women who use wheelchairs, and btw what was wrong with me anyway.

It could be much worse, my friend. My godson has CP & is in a wheelchair [well, now its a Rascal scooter thing]. At the mall or movies, people will just stare. Mostly, it is because they just don't know what to say. Often, they are surprised that he speaks so well... they look at the body and assume he's retarded [or whatever the current PC term is].

As somebody who also has CP and uses a wheelchair (part time anyway). I can relate friend. I don't notice getting stared at all that much, but how some people react to me.....ugh. And I will NEVER understand the whole "speaks so well" nonsense. I've been complimented more than once on how well I express myself despite being disabled. As if they can't see that the CP affected my LEGS, not my MIND. But, it DOES perfectly demonstrate the conflicting nature of the current generations "values".

What? Are you trying to say that the current generation treats disabled people worse than past generations? Are you crazy?

It sucks that people have treated you the way they have. Obviously I cannot understand what it is like for you, but I have some idea from starting life with a disability (I was deaf as a child, but my hearing was restored fully by the time I was 12, and my speech was almost normal by the time I was about 10), growing up with a disabled mother (who has both physical and mental disabilities), and working with disabled children. While I would generally argue stagnation -- that there are assholes and idiots in equal proportion in any generation -- the treatment of the disabled is one of the few areas where society has progressed rapidly in only a few generations. While disablism is obviously still a big problem, things are vastly improved compared to the last generation and the generations before.

 

[RandyS]

It could be much worse, my friend. My godson has CP & is in a wheelchair [well, now its a Rascal scooter thing]. At the mall or movies, people will just stare. Mostly, it is because they just don't know what to say. Often, they are surprised that he speaks so well... they look at the body and assume he's retarded [or whatever the current PC term is].

As somebody who also has CP and uses a wheelchair (part time anyway). I can relate friend. I don't notice getting stared at all that much, but how some people react to me.....ugh. And I will NEVER understand the whole "speaks so well" nonsense. I've been complimented more than once on how well I express myself despite being disabled. As if they can't see that the CP affected my LEGS, not my MIND. But, it DOES perfectly demonstrate the conflicting nature of the current generations "values".

What? Are you trying to say that the current generation treats disabled people worse than past generations? Are you crazy?

It sucks that people have treated you the way they have. Obviously I cannot understand what it is like for you, but I have some idea from starting life with a disability (I was deaf as a child, but my hearing was restored fully by the time I was 12, and my speech was almost normal by the time I was about 10), growing up with a disabled mother (who has both physical and mental disabilities), and working with disabled children. While I would generally argue stagnation -- that there are assholes and idiots in equal proportion in any generation -- the treatment of the disabled is one of the few areas where society has progressed rapidly in only a few generations. While disablism is obviously still a big problem, things are vastly improved compared to the last generation and the generations before.

No. My point was that some people hear "cerebral palsy", and, as another poster said, automatically think "retardation". There are degrees cerebral palsy. it doesn't always mean being retarded. In my case, that is NOT the case. It's not always the same. When I was born, I suffered brain damage yes, but it limited my ability to walk, not think or speak. Sometimes when people hear that I have cerebral palsy, they say, "well, you express yourself quite well for somebody in your condition.". This shows their ignorance and often, dismissive attitude toward things they don't understand, or don't want to understand, and it's just hard for me sometimes not to get irritated with that. They think they're complimenting me, but to my ears, it doesn't always sound that way.

And you're right about one thing. Things HAVE improved alot for the disabled since I was a kid. But we still have a hell of a long way to go.

 

[Aragorn]

I hate faux-friendliness, especially the creepy kind. I was making a purchase at a store, and (of course) used one of the "discount" or "preferred" or whatever card that you basically fill your wallet or purse with these days so that companies can track your purchase habits.

Anyway, so after I give her the card, she says "thanks ----(my first name) Well, since she obviously got that from the card, I found it a bit annoying and just gave her a look. Then she made some comment on something I purchased. You know, I'm all for "hi, how are you?" or "how was your day?" and a level of politeness and friendliness, but I just found the combination of using my name that she got from a card and the comments on my buying choices creepy rather than friendly.

At the Safeways I've been to, I've noticed the cashiers always look at the bottom of the receipt to thank "Mr./Mrs. _____" if they're a Safeway Card member.

However, my Safeway Card was never actually registered under a name (I never gave them the form you have to fill out), so they look at the bottom of the receipt, see no name, and then just thank me.

 

[thestrangequark]

As somebody who also has CP and uses a wheelchair (part time anyway). I can relate friend. I don't notice getting stared at all that much, but how some people react to me.....ugh. And I will NEVER understand the whole "speaks so well" nonsense. I've been complimented more than once on how well I express myself despite being disabled. As if they can't see that the CP affected my LEGS, not my MIND. But, it DOES perfectly demonstrate the conflicting nature of the current generations "values".

What? Are you trying to say that the current generation treats disabled people worse than past generations? Are you crazy?

It sucks that people have treated you the way they have. Obviously I cannot understand what it is like for you, but I have some idea from starting life with a disability (I was deaf as a child, but my hearing was restored fully by the time I was 12, and my speech was almost normal by the time I was about 10), growing up with a disabled mother (who has both physical and mental disabilities), and working with disabled children. While I would generally argue stagnation -- that there are assholes and idiots in equal proportion in any generation -- the treatment of the disabled is one of the few areas where society has progressed rapidly in only a few generations. While disablism is obviously still a big problem, things are vastly improved compared to the last generation and the generations before.

No. My point was that some people hear "cerebral palsy", and, as another poster said, automatically think "retardation". There are degrees cerebral palsy. it doesn't always mean being retarded. In my case, that is NOT the case. It's not always the same. When I was born, I suffered brain damage yes, but it limited my ability to walk, not think or speak. Sometimes when people hear that I have cerebral palsy, they say, "well, you express yourself quite well for somebody in your condition.". This shows their ignorance and often, dismissive attitude toward things they don't understand, or don't want to understand, and it's just hard for me sometimes not to get irritated with that. They think they're complimenting me, but to my ears, it doesn't always sound that way.

And you're right about one thing. Things HAVE improved alot for the disabled since I was a kid. But we still have a hell of a long way to go.

I got all that, and forgive me if I'm misunderstanding you, but I don't get what you meant when you said that this "speaks to the nature of the current generation's values". That was the only point of contention.

 

[Sector 7]

Last winter, when I was still using a cane and had an infusion pump slung over my shoulder, I decided to try on a cape. The saleswoman heard me tell my friend that I usually don't like loose, floppy clothes, but sleeves were uncomfortable over my PICC line, so a cape would be perfect for a while. So she starts telling me how great I look for someone who's sick, and how many capes she's sold to women who use wheelchairs, and btw what was wrong with me anyway.

It could be much worse, my friend. My godson has CP & is in a wheelchair [well, now its a Rascal scooter thing]. At the mall or movies, people will just stare. Mostly, it is because they just don't know what to say. Often, they are surprised that he speaks so well... they look at the body and assume he's retarded [or whatever the current PC term is].

As somebody who also has CP and uses a wheelchair (part time anyway). I can relate friend. I don't notice getting stared at all that much, but how some people react to me.....ugh. And I will NEVER understand the whole "speaks so well" nonsense. I've been complimented more than once on how well I express myself despite being disabled. As if they can't see that the CP affected my LEGS, not my MIND. But, it DOES perfectly demonstrate the conflicting nature of the current generations "values".

But, OT: I don't mind friendly cashiers, and don't consider them "creepy" (an over-used term that is now used to dismiss practically ANY form of human inter-action anymore) at all. They've never (that I can recall) said anything to me that I would find "creepy".

I understand what you mean, RandyS. I find the cashiers here to be friendly and helpful... with only rare exceptions. If the rare exceptions hate their job so much, perhaps they should find other employment. Most are only doing their job, trying to seem friendly and are decent people. I do not find them "creepy" for mentioning my name; it shows they care about doing their job well.

Perhaps, my outlook comes from living many years in a smaller community. Many of the people at grocery stores, WalMart, Lowe's, etc. have worked there for many years. When I come in to shop, they usually know what I may be after and offer to help. Our children went to school together. We saw each other at PTA meetings, school functions, community activities and more. Naturally, "chit-chat" will be more than "yes, sir" or "no, sir". The most common phrases I hear are "How's your mom doing?", "How are your grandchildren?" and "How is your health these days?" [I walk with a cane, so it is a relevant question.] Rather than "creepy", I find this interaction part of the normal interaction of caring human beings.

I have better things to do in life than spend time on those who are rude or disrespectful of others.

 

[Mike Farley]

The lower classes should keep their place. First they're using your name, next they're demanding fair pay. Then it's time for a Purge.

 

[sonak]

The lower classes should keep their place. First they're using your name, next they're demanding fair pay. Then it's time for a Purge.

right, because expecting politeness is a tool of the Man, meant to keep the proletariat down. I would have been totally cool with rudeness from my six-figure salaried doctor.

 

[Tora Ziyal]

So I went to Office Depot with a friend yesterday. At the entrance, there's a big sign announcing that they're hiring "friendly, happy people." He's socially awkward, and I'm a bit depressed. We burst out laughing and decide we'd better not apply.

My friend finishes his shopping, and we head to the cashier...

Cashier: How was your shopping experience today?

Friend: I got everything I came for.

Cashier: Were you able to find everything you were looking for?

Friend: Yes.

Poor cashier. I guess they're trained to follow the script even when it totally doesn't make sense.

 

[auntiehill]

Nah, it's just that they say it all bloody day long; it becomes a Pavlovian response after awhile. When I was a clerk, I can't count how many times there were when I'd say, "Thanks for shopping at---," and the customers would reply, "You, too!" And then they'd pause for a second, blink, and say, "Uh, I meant, 'Thanks and have a nice day."

They were so used to clerks saying "Have a nice day" that they automatically answered, "You, too," just because that's what they'd always say. It's just habit.

 

[MacLeod]

So I went to Office Depot with a friend yesterday. At the entrance, there's a big sign announcing that they're hiring "friendly, happy people." He's socially awkward, and I'm a bit depressed. We burst out laughing and decide we'd better not apply.

My friend finishes his shopping, and we head to the cashier...

Cashier: How was your shopping experience today?

Friend: I got everything I came for.

Cashier: Were you able to find everything you were looking for?

Friend: Yes.

Poor cashier. I guess they're trained to follow the script even when it totally doesn't make sense.

It's very easy to fall into auto-pilot,

 

[Nerys Myk]

I was often tempted to say "Fuckyouverymuch" to see if the customer would notice the difference.

Never did of course. I'm just not the type.

The age of cell phone made getting the customers attention more difficult. I can remember trying everything short of slapping them to let a customer that they needed to pay or to give them change. And of course the next customer in line is usually slowly fuming at having to wait.

right, because expecting politeness is a tool of the Man, meant to keep the proletariat down. I would have been totally cool with rudeness from my six-figure salaried doctor.

How is using your first name, if the company requires it, impolite? No one knows your preferences. So they have to follow the company guidelines.

 

[Finn]

So I went to Office Depot with a friend yesterday. At the entrance, there's a big sign announcing that they're hiring "friendly, happy people." He's socially awkward, and I'm a bit depressed. We burst out laughing and decide we'd better not apply.

My friend finishes his shopping, and we head to the cashier...

Cashier: How was your shopping experience today?

Friend: I got everything I came for.

Cashier: Were you able to find everything you were looking for?

Friend: Yes.

Poor cashier. I guess they're trained to follow the script even when it totally doesn't make sense.

Yeah.

I once called customer service some years ago, I don't recall the company, and asked a couple of very legit and relevant questions. The representative kept saying the questions wasn't on her list. She got her supervisor and the supervisor said the same even after I asked who I might talk with. Must have been a very short list that left out a lot of potential questions customers would ask...

I was at a complete loss

 

[sonak]

I was often tempted to say "Fuckyouverymuch" to see if the customer would notice the difference.

Never did of course. I'm just not the type.

The age of cell phone made getting the customers attention more difficult. I can remember trying everything short of slapping them to let a customer that they needed to pay or to give them change. And of course the next customer in line is usually slowly fuming at having to wait.

right, because expecting politeness is a tool of the Man, meant to keep the proletariat down. I would have been totally cool with rudeness from my six-figure salaried doctor.

How is using your first name, if the company requires it, impolite? No one knows your preferences. So they have to follow the company guidelines.

if that were the case, that would be one thing(although a stupid policy), but it doesn't apply to my situation. I've been to that store and others in the chain before, and other cashiers haven't done that.

So it's either an over-friendly cashier who didn't realize she was being a little rude, or she just didn't care. I think, from her demeanor, that she was just friendly, but it was still irritating. And that's not getting into her commenting on my purchase.