TNG Caption This! 311: You will caption and you will like it!

[Finn]

Jameson: Why, in my day, the helm had mirrors where you could check out the bottoms of the bridge crew. I think some guy named Sulu thought it up. No idea who he was checking out though

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "The balloting was close, Admiral, but you won! By a narrow margin, the crew has voted that you are slightly less ludicrous-looking than Guy Pearce in Prometheus!"

 

[Triskelion]

Admiral: I've reset the environmental controls. I was sweating like Klingon targballs -

Picard: Admiral!

 

[inflatabledalek]

TFW Leadhead!

Picard: That person has found out whether or not Cumberbatch is playing Khan... quick, kill them!

Picard: Mmmmm... Brackish.

Captain's Log: Stardate 41...errr lets see, there's a 1000 stardates in a year, we're three months into the year and five and a half hours into the day mean it's... Christ, why can't we use real dates?

Riker: Lets get out of here, I don't want to meet whoever uses this glory hole.

Picard: Come on Admiral, stop acting like you're still a 25 year old action hero and accept your real age. I mean, what next, are you going to go kill a bunch of Remans by yourself?

 

[Isis]

Picard: "Merde. Fifty-seven thousand channels and nothing on."

 

[Triskelion]

<Turbolift arrives>
Picard: Purple catsuit.
Riker: That's some uncanny hearing, Captain.
Troi: What's going on?

Worf: Wii fishing is a warrior's sport.

 

[Finn]

Deanna: (OS) I sense that they are...
Picard: Lying... I know...
Deanna:...But...how?

 

[Mistral]

Picard: Captain's Personal Log. Everything was going well, until Riker had to make a joke about it not being long before I'm as old as Jameson. I hope he enjoys cleaning all of the latrines on the ship with just a sonic toothbrush.

Captain's Personal Log-Supplemental:

In hindsight, I now realize this was inadequate punishment for Riker, as the Enterprise only has one restroom. I'll have to think of something else.

 

[Isis]

Announcer (OS): ""We've secretly replaced their regular Earl Grey with Folgers Dilithium Crystals, let's see if they notice."

Picard (to self): "I don't like the way this episode is going so far."

 

[Isis]

Picard: "Mistah Wawf, if you're going for a Charlie's Angels pose, that won't work...you're two Angels short."

 

[Triskelion]

Robert was wrong. I can so judge the difference between the '96 and Diet Dr Pepper. This is the '96. Right?

Admiral: Don't tell me! I've been driving since before Starfleet started using seat belts!

Picard: Um, Admiral....

Admiral: Oh don't tell me - what the hell, Starfleet!

 

[doubleohfive]

Worf knew that once he got the Enterprise's home sharing function activated, everyone would be thrilled with the AppleTV upgrade.

 

[Nerys Myk]

LAFORGE (over comm): Who the hell keeps opening and closing the shuttle bay doors?

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Have you finished your homework, Wesley?
Wesley: Yes sir.
Worf: Damn.

Admiral: I know it's a warp 9 zone but I'm doing quarter impulse!

 

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone, I'm very sorry that I'm so behind on this one. Things are now and will continue to be very very busy for me in the next few weeks. The Good News: I should have the next contest up tomorrow or Friday, Saturday at the latest.

Thanks for your patience!

 

[Mutai Sho-Rin]

Your stickyswitcher is ready.

 

[Finn]

Picard: Good news, Admiral. Leadhead will be able to start the next contest soon.

Admiral: Thank havens. I gotta take a leak

Geordi: What leak?

 

[Triskelion]

Admiral: I had just graduated the academy when this contest started.


(Jus' funnin'!)

 

[doubleohfive]

^

 

[Isis]

Captain's log, Stardate 45345.6. I have once again saved the day. Our passenger, Admiral Jameson, was quite appreciative when I told him that his reverse-aging drug is not really necessary...he can achieve the same look with Just For Men® AutoStop™.