DS9 Caption Contest 74; Debauchery and Mischief...

[Ln X]

Thanks a lot to all who participate in these contests, I love DS9 caption contests above all the rest (passionate 9er) and DS9 is a series which is ripe for the never-ending, bottomless depths of captioning humour... So keep it up guys and special thanks to LeadHead who started it all!

With that said our winners are from the last contest...

Straw problems...

Quark: "Uhh... Gentlemen. That's not how we use straws."

For your cheekiness you shall be rewarded...

Dax: Damn it! Ln X didn't pick any of my captions, again!

Antiquated sets...

QUARK: Is that really what the station's wiring looks like?
O'BRIEN: No. This week we're trading sets with a 1960s B-movie.

The 'always bound together' award goes to:

ODO: Perfect, no one will ever know I accidentally killed the Major. Now I just need an excuse as to why we're always together.

Baldness ain't cool in the 24th century...

Dax: So you see, there's no adjusting the Cardassian humidity levels. I'm afraid we're all going to have bad hair days for the foreseeable future.

O'Brien: At least we won't have to put up with the glare from aurora baldyalis like on the Enterprise bridge.

Sisko: Hmmm....

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Our special award goes to...

SiskoL Major, we thought you should see this, Bareil's Spacebook marital status went from "In a relationship" to "It's Complicated."

Some double-captioning action...

"Nerys, is it normal for Bajoran women to have a tattoo there?"

Odo: "And who's Ruby?"

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This week's theme is the title of this contest itself!

The next contest will take place on the 18th of March, so until let 'er rip!

 

[Ln X]

Jadzia: I'll show you places you've never seen before, places beyond the wild imaginings of your carnal desires...
Quark: <gulps>

Bashir: What's with the fog?
Odo: It was a dare of the colonel's; she wanted me to make a dramatic entrance both generating fog and holding my humanoid form...

Odo: I always wondered when those two would make their move.
Quark: Such are the delights of Dabo girls...

O'Brien: In case you're wondering Keiko this isn't what it looks!

Sisko: Never in all my life have I heard such stories about such decadence upon my station!

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Teacher (offscreen): "Now, class. We're very lucky to have two actual members of the Klingon Nobility here with us today, to act out a short scenario for our Klingon sex education course. Class, please welcome Quark (of the former House of Quark) and Jadzia Dax (of the House of Martok)!"

Quark ("acting"): "Gee, K'Suzie, let's park our glorious attack fighter at the makeout point and take my bat'leth for a spin!"

Dax: "PETA'Q! You dishonour me by neglecting to use a condom!"

Odo: "Gentlemen, you're under arrest".

O'Brien: "What the hell for?"

Odo: "Under station law, making swirls in the Fog of Laas constitutes physical assault".

Sisko: "You cannot be dismissed until the second hand reaches twelve. Such is the rule on my station, doctor, and everyone must follow the rules at all times, or else I become displeased. The second hand has passed 10, but it is not yet on 12...Doctor, stop your fidgeting!".

Kira: "I hate it when he's in these intense, obsessive moods. Can't he go build an alien clock or an ancient sailboat or something?"

 

[Riker's Libido]

O'Brien: No you wench, I'm using enough lube. You need to breathe and relax. You're tighter than a Jeffrey's Tube.

 

[_C_]

Odo: Yes, about that. The Undertaker couldn't make his appearance on WWE RAW, so I'm practicing for when I have to fill in for him.

Quark: *Whistles* Check out the lobes on that one.
Odo: Ugh, you're so perverted. But her tentacles are sure nice, aren't they?
Quark: Odo!

 

[_C_]

O'Brien: No you wench, I'm using enough lube. You need to breathe and relax. You're tighter than a Jeffrey's Tube.

Oh FFFFFFF that one made me choke on my cereal!

 

[Riker's Libido]

O'Brien: No you wench, I'm using enough lube. You need to breathe and relax. You're tighter than a Jeffrey's Tube.

Oh FFFFFFF that one made me choke on my cereal!

lol thanks.

 

[Nerys Myk]

ODO: Beastly weather Doctor. But the game is afoot. We are needed at the Yard!

O'BRIEN: Bloody, hell. It was bad enough when the android did it.

 

[Riker's Libido]

... that time Snoop Dogg guested on DS9.

Odo: What is that pungent smell?

Snoop: *off camera* LA-DI-DA-DI-DA IT'S THE MUTHAF*CKIN' D-O-DOUBLE-G!

 

[Riker's Libido]

*Sisko dipping out smoothly after releasing a silent yet heinous fart.*

 

[_C_]

Dax: Quark, let's get one thing straight. If you want to sing Klingon operas with me, just remember that I'm the soprano here, not you.

Sisko: And that's how I got my swag.
Kira: We know.
Bashir: You tell us every day.
Odo: I'd like to learn more about 'swag.' *eyes Kira*

 

[DeepSpaceWine]

Dax: "Look, Quark. If you want me to be 'your ho' on this mission, we are going to have to lay down some ground rules."
Quark: "But I thought pimps were the ones calling the shots."
Dax: "Not this time, Quark. Underneath this fur is black leather and I have a whip and I can use it better than any Ferengi ever could."

O'Brien: "What's with this?"
Odo: "We're having a crossover with Babylon 5. Environmental controls have been modified to accomodate the Vorlons."

Kira & Miles roleplay "The Intendant and Smiley".

Sisko: "You all know why you're here."
Kira: "Is this matter really so serious to warrant calling us all together?"
Bashir: "What is this, an Inquisition?"
Odo: "Not now, Doctor."
Sisko: "Never did I think I would see the day when I would be ashamed by the conduct of my officers."
(pause)
Sisko: "ONE OF YOU STOLE MY COOKIES!!"

 

[Bry_Sinclair]

Dax: You must train your mate to do whatever you so desire. [looks down] Worf, I tire of your efforts. Pleasure the Ferengi.

O'Brien: Odo, what the hell is all this?
Odo: Eh...this is how Changellings...um...expel themselves.
Bashir: [looks around] You mean we're walking through your--
Odo: Yes Doctor. Be careful, Kira will be somewhere among it.

Odo: Nerys, I love it when you put your finger in there.
Quark: You're not the only one.
Odo: QUARK!!!!

Kira: Miles, I keep telling you! You're not a ventriloquist and I'm not your dummy!

Sisko: Does my bum look big in this?

 

[Triskelion]

Dax: I'd rather kiss a targ!
Quark: That can be arranged.

Holy hell, Odo, how long have you been holding that in?
About five minutes, why?

Odo: Now that's a set of getaway sticks.
Quark: Nice stems, doll.
Worf: I'm a warrior, dammit!

Miles: Feels like - launching a class 1 probe in the wormhole.
Kira: Class 9 buoy, more like.

Sisko: - and when I turn back around I want to see my Best Captain in the Universe mug back on the table, no questions asked.
Odo: Not likely. I was the mug, moron! And you took me into the crapper!

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for picking my caption, Ln X!

Dax: See that behind you? Those are the bloody remains of the last Ferengi who sexually harassed me.

Quark: I thought you liked it!

Dax: I changed my mind!

O'Brien: Damn it, Odo, I thought Batman would emerge from that smoke!

Only seeing Worf be made fun of could unite these two long-time foes.

O'Brien: In case you're wondering Keiko this isn't what it looks!

Keiko: Too bad, I was kind of getting turned on!

Alexander El Fadil: How long did the director say we are supposed to stay here?

Avery Brooks: Apparently, a while. The producers claim they spent a lot of money on this part of my office set and we barely use it, so they want to get their money's worth out of it.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

DAX: You finally wore me down Quark. I want to make love.
QUARK: You do? ...5 strips.
DAX: ...Seriously?

ODO: You automatically assume the mist is a changeling? That is SO RACIST!

Odo and Quark are the finalists in the station's annual 'Smug look' competition.

Smiley likes to take secret vacations to the prime universe.

BASHIR: Sisko has been standing there looking serious for five minutes. Should we leave?
KIRA: The prophets are telling him something. We need to just wait.
BASHIR: The first time it was cute, now it's just annoying!

 

[Finn]

Sisko: What made you decide to let us know that you are genetically engineered.

Bashir: It all started when I played that NX-01 holonovel where Archer fought the augments... T'Pol died...right?

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRA: Do you like your right hand?

O'BRIEN: Yes.

KIRA: Would you like to keep it?

O'BRIEN: Yes.

KIRA: Then get it off my ass!!!!!!!!!

 

[Ln X]

Due to issues with Photobucket and bandwidth limits the next contest will be delayed by at least a couple of days. I've already contacted LeadHead for advice and if the worst comes to the worst I'll use Flickr as a temporary solution.

I apologise for the inconvenience.

It's this menace which is giving me problems...

 

[R. Star]

Yeah... nothing makes me want to spend money like my pictures suddenly getting yanked without notice.