ENT Caption Contest #85: We Hates the Precious!

[Skywalker]

Happy Monday everyone! Apologies for not getting the next contest up sooner, I decided to extend the last one through the holiday weekend. Unfortunately, that means a certain someone's gotten rather impatient. You see, he doesn't much like waiting, and--

*sigh* See what I mean?

First up, we have the "In a Mirror, Subtly" award, going to:

Hoshi: Why is it when I look into the mirror, I see an evil dominatrix Empress?

Next we have the "Putting That Education to Good Use" award, going to:

Trip: Little help?
Hoshi: Poco de ayuda?
Trip: I'm stuck.
Hoshi: Mimi kukwama.
Trip: Seriously, I think my spine is wrenched. Help me!
Hoshi: على محمل الجد، وأعتقد أن اللي عمودي الفقري. مساعدتي!
Trip: Stop translating!
Hoshi: Ĉesu tradukante!

We then proceed to the "Brutally Honest" award, going to:

Archer: We'll just ignore her even though she's right here.
T'Pol: This is most illogical.
Archer: This show is about three things. Me and your boobs!

Next up is the "Now 20% More Terrifying" award, going to:

Bob the Alien: I've hacked into their computer system and found something called TrekBBS. Let's go see.

Larry the Alien: I've found it too. But what exactly are 'Ponies'?

We also have the "Captain Jonathan Awkward" award, going to:

Archer: "You know, I actually visited China once."
Hoshi: "I'm Japanese."

Our Photoshop Award goes to:

LINDA: What the...? How can a mirror get it wrong?

With a tip of the hat to Triskelion

LEONARD: I don't know if I should be freaked out or turned on right now.

Thanks to everyone who participated, and congrats to our winners!

Now it's time to move on to one of the series' truly great episodes, featuring a bravura performance from Padma Lakshmi. I don't know about you guys, but I've been looking forward to this one for weeks!

Have fun!

 

[lurok]

Padma Lakshmi, for crimes against acting you will be sentenced to cryogenic suspension for an indefinite period of time.

 

[T'Girl]

THERE'S SOMETHING OUT ON THE WING ...
AND IT'S TEARING APART THE ENGINE !!!

Archer: "When you said Hoshi was growing weed in the cargo bay,
I thought you meant, you know, weed.

T'Pol: "These are weeds Captain."

 

[Ln X]

Trip: I like my girls all wet and soaking!

Trip: This hypospanner, it's old but it still screws... You know what I'm saying girl?

Trip: Oh God! The husband!

Malcolm: Look at Trip go!

 

[Miss Lemon]

Padma Lakshmi, for crimes against acting you will be sentenced to cryogenic suspension for an indefinite period of time.

If only!

 

[R. Star]

Thanks for the wins!

Padma: I have to be on an episode of.... Enterprise?!

Trip(to Padma's last caption): Get over it lady, I have to be here every day!

Trip: Hooking up with an alien princess is more trouble than it's worth.
Kaitaama: Hey!

T'Pol: That hoe done stole my man!

T'Pol: As I said Captain, Trip and the alien princess are fornicating here in the grass.
Malcolm: Way to go Trip!
T'Pol: Are you not going to arrest them? This is a clear violation of Starfleet regulations.
Archer: We should stay here and observe them so we can make a complete and detailed report.

 

[jespah]

Put your clothes back on, Commander!

Trip - Your Highness, I could swear I heard y'all break wind.
Kaitaama (offscreen) - Princesses don't fart, Commoner!
Trip - Dammit, I heard ya. Just admit it, Lady, ya fart like a Clydesdale!

Kaitaama - This is so awesome. Camelot!
Trip - It's only a model.

They forgot to give me a torch for my Statue of Liberty impression.

Jon - I think she might be naked.
T'Pol - I do not see anything.
Malcolm - Oh yeah, she's naked.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, Skywalker!

Kaitaama: "But...this place is renowned throughout the galaxy as a tropical vacation paradise!"
Trip: "Hey, you're the one who wanted to save some dough by booking during the off season!"

Hoshi (OS): "I thought you said you were going to 'boink him cross-eyed.'"
Kaitaama: "Almost!"

 

[LeadHead]

Padma: You mean, I have to ACT?!

Trip: This escape pod is more temperamental than you!

T'Pol: All Rise.

...

T'Pol: I meant 'stand up' you pervs.

Archer: That's just so...

Reed: Stunning?

Archer: Good idea, Malcolm.

Archer fires Phase Pistol at Trip and Kaitaama.

 

[Triskelion]

Trip: According to the computer, everything was perfectly preserved against the ravages of time. Except - your pelvic area.

Kaitaama: No, that was preserved too.

Phlox: What's the last thing you remember, Trip?
Trip: Putting tequila on my cornflakes.
Phlox: Well that explains the tramp stamp.

Is that a spanner in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Spanner.

Watch out for Bigfoot.

 

[Skywalker]

Connor Trinneer: "You call that a script?! Come on, guys! If you keep writing junk like this, the show's gonna get canceled, and I'll probably end up doing guest spots on some crappy Stargate spinoff!"

 

[ncc71877]

Padma: "Please pack your knifes and go."
Trip: "And, stop putting that goddamn foam on everything!"

 

[LeadHead]

"Judge T'Pol" became a favorite show on Earth in the mid-22nd Century.

Archer:I will never un-see that.

 

[jespah]

Archer:I will never un-see that.

Reed - Are you joking, sir? I've filmed it and am planning to show it on Movie Night, with some, I am led to believe it's referred to as 'wacka chewacka' music.

 

[Triskelion]

Ok, that's good, T'Pol. Now put on the headdress and hold the torch so painting class can get started.

 

[Nerys Myk]

T'POL: Well, this is what I'm wearing from now on. The drooling fanboys will just have to deal with it!

 

[Triskelion]

T'Pol: On Vulcan, this act is known as "The Great Taboo."

Reed: Space Pygmies? Here?

 

[Mistral]

Trip: "Quit laughing, it isn't funny! Now, someone help me get my hands out of this waste recycling unit!"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Trip: "Cut! No, no, no, that's all wrong!"
T'Pol: "What? I'm following your script exactly. 'She enters the scene with her robe carelessly draped open in front.'"
Trip (sighs): "You really don't have a clue what 'porn' is, do you."

 

[Nerys Myk]

ARCHER: I didn't know Kriosians were tripled jointed.

T'POL: They're not.

REED: In that case. Ouch!