TNG Caption This! 292: Unexpected Situations

[T'Girl]

Picard:
Only the most obvious features of the ship are labeled.
An arrow to the engines, labeled "engines."
An arrow to the bridge, labeled "bridge."
An arrow to the deflector, labeled "deflector."
Who in God's name labeled this thing?

LaForge:
Councilor Troi.

Picard:
Ahh, now it makes sense.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "Picard to Riker. Commander, I want you to look into assigning Commander LaForge and his staff some additional duties. I'm looking at the master situation monitor in Engineering and, unless we have a giant mouse on Deck 10 and a sports car parked in the main shuttle bay, they have entirely too much free time down here."

 

[Holdfast]

Triskelion's "Farrah" photoshop last week was hilariously brilliant!

PICARD: So if I'm here... that must be the Magic Kingdom must be over there... so the Epcot Centre is this way!

DIRECTOR (offscreen): "And... Freeze Frame for the last shot of the episode right there!"

PICARD: I don't recall ordering a underwater landing, Ensign.

DATA: You really don't want to know where it plugs in, Geordi.

FRAKES: My career? It went thataway!

 

[Triskelion]

Thanks @Holdfast!

Computer, make a note: we need more lemon pledge.

Picard: You haven't experienced the ruins of Pompeii until you've seen Floyd at Pompeii.
Ro: I can hear my ridges.
Guinan: I control the lights with my mind, man!
Keiko: Is that the cops?

Geordi: Data, about your new hobby...
Data: You're a tigress, baby, yeah! Scratch me baby! Perfect! Make love to the camera baby, yeah!
Geordi: I don't think a calendar of history's hottest Vulcan philosophers is...culturally sensitive.
Surak: Rowr!

No, crewman, I didn't steal your panties. Must have been out-of-phase Wesley Crusher, here.

 

[Mistral]

Picard: "That's all there is to the ship? Geez, I could have built this in my backyard!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

CASHIER: Would you like a drink with that?

PICARD: Make it soda.

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: I notice you use picture buttons. In my century, we've evolved beyond that - we use blinky buttons.

Girl in line: I always get behind the readers. He wants the number one!

Picard: Yes, make mine - Number One. Tee hee!

 

[Isis]

Head usher: "So sorry, but someone just took the last seat for Wesley Crusher's violin recital 30 seconds ago. We wanted the entire crew to attend, but we underestimated the number of seats you'd all need by two. It was absolutely our error, and we apologize profusely. Sorry we can't do more, but would each of you accept an extra week's salary?"

 

[Ln X]

CASHIER: Earl Grey? What the **** is Earl Grey? This is McDonalds baldy not some uptown joint!

 

[Holdfast]

PICARD (looks at his burger): See, this is what I'm talking about. Look at the photo behind you: it's plump, juicy, 3" thick. Now look at this sorry thing; can anyone tell me what's wrong with it? Anybody at all?




(pace Michael Douglas... )

 

[Triskelion]

Croissant with brie.

<Mic> QUARTER WIN CHEE.

Side of pickled herring.

<Mic> SALA RUSSIA DRESS

French dressing, if you please.

<Mic> FREN FRY WIN CHEE. HERE OR GO?

Go.

<Mic> FIGH MINUH WAY FRY.

If I may - what planet are you from?

<Mic> EARF, MOTHER F-

Manager: Shut you mouth!

Data: When I complete this device, I will be able to make chicks attracted to nerds. It will revolutionize society at every level.

Geordi: Won't work. You haven't accounted for the UAIVR Factor.

Data: The - UAIVR?

Geordi: The Unemployed Athletic Infinite Vicious Regression.

Data: <Breaks concentration> Geordi - you just...blew my mind.

Geordi: Welcome to Nerdville; you just paid the toll.

Data just figured out the UAIVR Law.

Troi: I'll go talk to him.

Later, babe. You're busy now.

<They mash gobs>

 

[Bob Karo]

Date: .003 ... .004, I am now invisible.

Geordi: Shh! Nobody correct him.

Data: Do not be alarmed.

Geordi: snickers

 

[Bob Karo]

Picard: I notice you use picture buttons. In my century, we've evolved beyond that - we use blinky buttons.

Girl in line: I always get behind the readers. He wants the number one!

Picard: Yes, make mine - Number One. Tee hee!

Cashie: (underbreath) Oh, it'll have number one...

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: (thinking) Maybe I shouldn't have waited until the last minute to plan the Thanksgiving dinner....

 

[Honorable Ensign]

Thanks for the win!

While Guinan was happy to prove that her hat was also a projector, she refused to show vacation slides from Ro's last trip to Risa.

"See all the blue? I think I must be in another Trek BBS caption contest."

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Is your meat replicated?

Cashier: Yes. Yes it is.

Caretaker's Voice: We apologize for disrupting your space; we did not realize it was no ship, but a hat.

Guinan: Everybody's a critic!

 

[LeadHead]

New Contest is up!

 

[Worf'sParmach]

PICARD: Ro, you I can understand, but why in the hell am I on a shuttle with Guinan and Keiko?

RO: Contrived plot set up, Sir.