TNG Caption This! 292: Unexpected Situations

[LeadHead]

Happy Saturday everyone! Lets get going!

First up to the plate, we have the "Ethnic Sensitivity" Award, going to:

Picard: Prepare yourself, Number One. If I understand this ritual correctly, next come the hoochie-mamas.

Next, we have the "Was there any doubt?" Award, going to:

He once chose the Chancellor of the High Council...just to see what it felt like.

He wears his hair in a ponytail just to give K'Ehleyr something to grab.

He likes his bloodwine extra hot.

He orders fried gagh...just because.

He was all four members of his Starfleet Academy Parrises Squares team.

He is THE MOST INTERESTING KLINGON IN THE UNIVERSE.

"I don't always drink raktajino,
but when I do, I prefer S'tarbucks.
Stay honorable, my friends."

Next, we have the "Charles Tucker III" Award, going to:

Beverly: By the way, you're pregnant.

Next, we have the "Credible Evidence" Award, going to:

Riker: Like I said, it was a phaser in my pocket.

Next, we have the "Unimportant Anomalies" Award, goes to:

Data: The probe has exited the other end of the wormhole. According to its sensors, it is somewhere in the Delta Quadrant, over 75,000 light years from here. The probe is picking up some kind of space station, shooting energy pulses to a nearby star system".

Picard: Interesting...Data...

Data stops him..

Data: Captain...something is happening. There is some kind of inference from the energy pulses. It is keeping the ship computer from saving the telemetry from the probe. We won't be able to show anything...

Picard: You mean nobody will know the coordinates of this wormhole?

Data: Precisely

Picard: *shrugs* It's not like anybody will need to know about this wormhole. Ensign, resume our course to Devaled V. Warp 8...engage

A MultiPicture Award goes to:

This:

Plus:

Now, use your imagination.

The Photoshop Award goes to:

I knew I could pull off "The Farrah!"

Riker: "Here. You might need this. 'Lonesome George' LaForge here tends to get a little grabby."

Congratulations to our winners and many thanks to everyone who participated!

Lets start the next contest!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: So THAT's what the ship looks like.

Deanna: (off-screen) But, what about us?

Picard: Ensign, beam Guinan's hat into space! It's attracting the anomaly!

Data: It seems your X-Box 30,000 controller was slammed against the wall.

La Forge: Worf beat my high score again...

Riker: If you need me, I'll be transporting far, far away from here!

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: What I wouldn't give for a "You are here" sign.

GEORDI: They specifically said, "No flash photography."

 

[inflatabledalek]

Picard: So this display is great for displaying any information I want to know about the Enterprise... as long as it's on the right hand side of the ship?

Dorn: So a massive pay rise and all the hookers I'll ever need? OK, I'll do DS9!

Picard: We've become trapped in a mid-'90's nightclub!

Data: But Geordi, what purpose does a machine that lets you see through female clothing serve?

Riker: My chances of making Captain before I'm 50? They went thataway!

 

[shivkala]

Picard: *to himself* Huh, according to this, if a photon torpedo were to hit this small thermal exhaust port, it would trigger a chain reaction destroying the Enterprise. Seems like a major design flaw...

Worf: I can't believe Geordi fell for it! It was obvious you were just leading him on. Poor guy, though, being that unsuccessful with women, is not honorable...

Ro: Oh man, I am seriously tripping here...

Geordi: Let me guess, Starfleet contracted Microsoft to redesign the tricorder...

Riker: Hey, Wesley, dumbass, that's the restroom. This is the transporter room. Now, get a mop!

 

[T'Girl]

Picard: "In addition to classical music, I occasional enjoy some laser-Floyd."

 

[Nerys Myk]

RO: So, should I place that call to Ghostbusters, now?

 

[Merlanthe]

The crew realised what a mistake it was to buy Picard the latest Sims game after he became obssessed with building the perfect ship for him sim crew to live in.

PICARD: Now where shall i put the swimming pool hmm?

The ensign discovered just how easily provoked a Klingons belly laugh could be when she tickle attacked Worf.

GUINAN: I really dont see why we bothered coming to a club if we're just gonna sit here all night and not dance we could have just done the exact same thing at 10 forward.

PICARD: We're not dancing til there are more people on the dancefloor otherwise we'll look like idiots.

KEIKO: But we're the only ones in here...

DATA: I understand you may be nervous about my standing in for Dr Crusher whilst she is away on Risa so before i administer your prostrate exam i will demonstrate it upon this random object.

GEORDIE:....I'm no medical expert but that does not look like a prostrate exam...why are we in a cave?

RIKER: Dont worry velociraptors may be intelligent enough to have figured out how to work door handles but our doors dont have any.

PICARD: ...Counsellor Troi i believe its your job to state the obvious i'll leave it to you to explain to Commander Riker why the lack of door handles does not improve our situation.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, LeadHead!

Picard: "We have a Starbuck's on deck twelve? Why the hell doesn't anybody tell me these things!"

Ro: "Oh my God! Gross! Turn off that black light! And I don't even wanna know what those stains are!"

 

[Skywalker]

Picard: "Why the hell do we need three different Mrs. Fields stores?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: So, this was right before you snapped her spine?

WORF: I said I was sorry.

 

[Mojochi]

Picard: I said star board you piece of crap, not starboard

Yeah.... Deanna misunderstood what "Threesome" meant once she remembered that Worf had two of every major organ

Picard: & now for the music. Bow chicka bow bow chicka

Geordi: Chocolate & vanilla swirl, with sprinkles

I think Ensign Ro is partially phased & was spying on me in the shower

 

[Smellincoffee]

Picard, thinking: But where's the bathroom?

 

[BeatleJWOL]

Thanks to Starfleet's R.O.V.E.R.S. technology, jeanlucpicardlookingatthings.tumblr.com continued the only remembered tradition of 20th century historical figure Kim Jong-Il well into the 24th century.

 

[Triskelion]

(Thanks) Leadhead FTW!

Computer locate the ice cream man.

Data would come to regret showing up to the double date with a Hoover.

Picard: A little more to the left, Guinan! Paul Lynde's face looks like a Salvador Dali clock.

Data: Geordi, do you realize the significance of this artifact? It proves the Vulcans were still manufacturing marital aids well past the age of Surak.

Riker: New holoprogram is ready, Captain.
Picard: Laser sharks or super-intelligent sharks?
Riker: Zombie sharks.
Picard: Life is good.

 

[Ln X]

Picard: Computer, display directions to the dominatrix room!

Laughing gas works on Klingons to...

Guinan: I don't know why but I can just sense a youthful resurrection happening soon...

Riker: (o/s) What's the matter with Data?
Geordi: Android orgasm.
Riker: (o/s) What?

Riker: Psst! Let's barge into Worf's quarters and wake him with a Klingon pain stick!

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Picard: "Toilet... toilet... where's the damned toilet?"

Klingon moobs are surprisingly soft... and sensitive...

Picard: "Okay, who's the idiot who swapped the red alert bulb for a lava lamp?"

Geordi: "What's that weird flashing light you have there, Data? It's curiously... it's quite... it's... ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNODROID!"

Riker: "... and these here are Ensign Ro's quarters... I shagged her too."

The last time Commander Riker showed visiting dignitaries around the ship...

 

[Merlanthe]

PICARD: Captains log...our exploration of the planets surface had to be cut short after a local life form mistook the shuttlecraft for its mate...now the interior is covered with fluerescent fluid stains that smell weird. Recommend that Wesley cleans it out.

 

[Merlanthe]

PICARD: Ah the Enterprise...every inch of her interior systems exposed...naked...I can see everything!

PICARD: Captains log...our attempt to explore the planets surface and collect samples was cut short when the away team was attacked by a rare cloth eating virus that caused our clothes to disintegrate...there were spare uniforms aboard the shuttle and the girls are all properly attired once more...but I've seen everything!

RO: ...does he realise that we can hear everything he says?

PICARD: ...I've seen everything!

RIKER: The locking mechanism on your door is broken? Dont worry Deanna even if the Captain does mistakenly walk in whilst your undressed he's already seen everything.

TROI: ....?

 

[Isis]

Picard: "Beverly, is it necessary that you project Data's MRI on the bridge? We all believe his claim that he's fully functional and programmed with multiple techniques."

Crusher: "Jean-Luc, what are you talking about?"

Riker (entering bridge from turbolift): "Like my MRI, Captain? Pretty impressive, huh?"

Picard had yet to learn that if you want to impress a starship crew-woman on a first date, you don't take her to a planetarium.

Data: "Is this my best angle?"

La Forge (to self): "Maybe this wasn't the best time to activate his vanity subroutine?"

Riker: "That Picard is a pompous windbag. I'd make a better captain than him any day."

<brief pause>

Riker: "Well, how did everyone like my totally fictional dramatization?"

Riker (sotto voce): "He's right behind me, isn't he?"