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Harry the Genius does what noone else ever considers...

That would make for some excellent prison fanfic. I want Polly Walker to play the broad with the taser/riding crop.

Trek Into Prisoners of Cell Block NZ
 
I'm thinking that the term penal colony must have reinvented itself at some point.

Because guards are anathema to the original concept of just dumping idiots on the other side of the world.
 
The guards are probably more like special aides, to help the prisoners on the road to bettering themselves. Just stranding people in the Pacific won't better them. You need Federation counselors coming along side, encouraging them to engage in positive life choices.

This is terribly boring though, so the fanfic needs a dark undercurrent.
 
There were social workers filling out reports on Paris, if we read between the lines about Janeways praise for the convict in the pilot.
 
Lets imagine what sort of people warrant a berth in the penal colony on the homeworld who would also found a writing school that no collective of law abiding citizens in the federation could match.
 
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The penal colony is pretty much a propaganda center. Everyone wears work overalls and does manual labor. They have no replicator or holodeck privileges and they have to talk to Betazoid counselors every day. Their only entertainment is to read the books and magazines and comics produced by the writing school, all about the wondrous Federation and how good citizens work to better themselves. It's a symbiotic relationship.

What DS9 never tells you is that Anselm is all about a young man's journey from selfish lusts and pleasures into the glorious Federation root beer paradise.
 
Yeah but at least Federation penal terms are short.

Kassidy got less than a year for smuggling for a terrorist organization

Garak got six months for attempted genocide.

Paris, who was an active terrorist in the Kim Alternate Reality where he managed to keep a girlfriend, was out within a year.

The Federation is just nice.
 
In the pilot, someone, possibly Janeway said that they had intelligence on Chakotay being lost was from the Cardassians, and considering the plasma storms in the area it's unlikely that they could have been streaming real time telemetry back to cardassia or a bouy could have made it home.

What makes you think the Cardassians that were chasing Chakotay's ship were dragged to the DQ? We see them get hit by a plasma thingy and twist sideways, then make a distress call.

But yeah, the Caretaker is guilty of kidnapping, forcible confinement, aggravated assault and impersonating a hillbilly. But he gets turned into a pet rock, so that's just desserts.
 
Yeah but at least Federation penal terms are short.

Kassidy got less than a year for smuggling for a terrorist organization

Garak got six months for attempted genocide.

Paris, who was an active terrorist in the Kim Alternate Reality where he managed to keep a girlfriend, was out within a year.

The Federation is just nice.

No comment on Kassidy and Garak (haven't seen the episodes, so can't theorize on justification). But Paris got eighteen months -- presumably for material support for terrorism although he never did get the chance to do anything; he just flew a ship and got caught. We don't hear anything about him firing on a Federation ship or any other act causing injury or damage, and who knows what the circumstances of his arrest were. Did he surrender? Did he do something mitigating, eg to ensure no one was hurt? Frankly, the circumstances of the Maquis rebellion are such that as a lawyer I'd have driven a truck through the idea that he was supporting terrorism (GG and I have had this argument elsewhere ...) so maybe he made a plea bargain, ensuring an easy conviction for the prosecution rather than a potentially huge embarrassment.

Normal eligibility for parole is after half the sentence has been served, which meshes with what Janeway tells Tom when she picks him up in Auckland. He behaves on her mission, he gets his early parole ("outmate") review. Not a stretch.
 
The banjo was the worst part. That frakking banjo is what keeps me from doing many Caretaker rewatches.

I like the scenes with Tom in Auckland (the sunshiny hell, and yes fanfic -- including my own -- does make it a lot darker) and everything EXCEPT the hillbilly scenes. Those are what fast forward was invented for. ("Corn on the cob?" Puh-lease.)
 
I can't fast forward. It's cheating.

OK, skip to the next chapter then. It's this really cool feature they have on DVD's ... ;-) Alternatively, this is a good time to go to the kitchen and pour yourself a nice glass of merlot. The hillbilly scenes are good for about two thirds at reasonable sipping speed, then come back.
 
r.

The Federation is just nice.

Or the brainwashing techniques are just effective.

Kassidy by all accounts was a good little Federation citizen after that incident.

Garak sure didn't get the memo.

Neither did alternate Paris, who by all accounts lived as a drunken screw up after he was released.

Alternate Paris got sent back from DS9 to Auckland (and obviously didn't get the favourable outmate review). Which means he can have been "out" for only days before getting blown up when he returned Harry to the DQ, assuming time progressed in parallel in the two realities (although who knows).
 
I can't fast forward. It's cheating.

OK, skip to the next chapter then. It's this really cool feature they have on DVD's ... ;-) Alternatively, this is a good time to go to the kitchen and pour yourself a nice glass of merlot. The hillbilly scenes are good for about two thirds at reasonable sipping speed, then come back.

Yes drinking heavily does help.
 
Drinking heavily means different volumes in different parts of the world.

If an American tried to drink heavily like an Australian it would kill her.
 
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