'I Caught Myself Looking'

[Holdfast]

Fun thread. Naturally, I'm usually too busy checking myself out in any nearby reflective surface to actually notice other people doing it.

No, but seriously: I do tend to notice the world around me quite a lot and obviously it's nice if someone looks nicely at you. I can't always tell if it's because of how I'm dressed or how I look; probably the former most of the time, to be ruthlessly honest. But even so, as I said, it's nice when you can exchange that kind of glance or smile with someone. But to continue the honesty, I actually don't really pay it much attention beyond that fleeting moment. It's kind of irrelevant to my life, you know?

 

[Kestra]

I'm pretty good about this. When I'm on the bus I'll check out a woman who looks attractive, but natural. If I feel a woman is trying too hard (way too 'done up', overdoing it on the make-up) I'll make a point to ignore her. I don't make a point of giving attention to those that obviously crave it. Or as I sometimes say: "It's 11:30am on a Tuesday, why are you dressed like a prostitute who caters solely to clowns?"

Are you really that self-absorbed? I sincerely doubt any of the women you "make a point to ignore" ever notice you doing so, and I doubt even more that they'd care. Did it ever cross your mind that these ladies might not be dressing up for you? That they might be doing it for themselves?

Anyway, I like being checked out, but I don't like being leered at. Though like Kestra, I often feel bad about myself when I catch someone really looking at me. I've caught myself looking a few times, and there have been a couple of times when I've seen a person so completely striking that it was extremely difficult not to stare -- in those cases it's not sexual, it's happened with both men and women.

Oh wow, I'm glad you commented on that because I missed it!

I'd say that generally when I wear makeup, it's for myself or to look good for other women. And it was like that even way back when I was single.

You know, it's criticisms like the one above that really make me constantly self-conscious about my appearance. If I don't do much, there is going to be someone thinking "She's lazy for not even trying to look good." if I wear more makeup, someone might think I'm trying too much.

And do men have any idea how difficult applying makeup can be? It's not something we all magically learn. It's an art. Picking the right shades with the right consistency, applying five million things in order, picking things that not just suit our complexion but also the event we are going to or the time of day or the outfit that we are wearing. And even if you get the right shade and products and know the correct steps, there is still a very good chance you will fuck it up and look like you applied it in the car.

So don't be so quick to judge. Makeup can be fun but it can also be a gigantic pain the ass (an expensive pain at that).

 

[iguana_tonante]

I'm pretty good about this.

No, I can pretty much tell you are not.

 

[PopBoy]

Human behavior is often complex and elusive ... Do you notice when others ”check you out”? Which doesn't necessarily mean anything, but it can be flattering or annoying, depending on the circumstances. It may be subtle or even unconscious - a quick glance, a smile, wandering eyes, etc. And as much as I hate staring at others, sometimes I catch myself looking, too.

When I say checking someone out, I don't necessarily mean it in a flirty kind of way, but in a manner that's complimentary and flattering. For example, I sometimes compliment people by saying, "You've got new shoes? Cool!" or "I like your hairstyle/Nice haircut." But personal compliments like those are often done consciously by the complimenter, so the complimented tends to acknowledge them. When a person, particularly someone I don't know, looks at me in a certain way, my first reaction is that I get self-conscious. Or maybe it's just anxiety. In any case, I'm very much aware when people look or stare at me; be it negatively or positively, I can't always tell. I tend to do it to others as well, although not always on purpose, but if I have something nice to say to people I know, I tell them.

There's this cute Asian guy from another department where I work, and we say hi when we pass each other in the hallway. Today we took the same elevator during the lunch hour, and there was some small talk about the hot Bay Area weather. I noted his body language when he looked at me (or my clothes) in a sort of positive way. I wasn't wearing anything special, just a plain blue dress shirt and a pair of khaki Dockers pants. I didn't look hideous either, but it made me wonder what he was thinking. "Have you lost some weight? Nice threads. What's that stain?" You could pretty much tell when people look at you and say, "Geez, you're a mess!" or "You look great!" and it was more like the latter. Anyway, I'm not going to read into it any more than I already have.

What say you? Do you always notice when others look at you in a certain way? And do you catch yourself looking at others as well?

Ah the gaze.......a thread much written about. In a gay context i think i has that added element of sussing out of whether the other guy your checking out is going to deck you or snog you.

Anyway, recently I've found that i am incredibly aware of straight mates that i might be at the pub checking out the girls and it is soooo leery. It is so noticeable. They dont know quite notice it. So i've checked myself these days especially when i see amazingly cute guys on the london tube network or just working around a hot swinging London city.

I will spot a guy in the distance who is clearly good looking and as he approaches make a point of ignoring him. This is also because i am incredibly shy. My friends all say i am incredibly shy - it stems from a pretty low level of self-esteem. I'll very rarely scope a guy out cos if hes not looking at me that will knock me for six. So i will always look down. But yeah - i do steal a look now and then but I do make sure that scan only lasts a moment of a second as i am way too shy. Just so i am not disappointed or anything.

 

[thestrangequark]

I'm pretty good about this. When I'm on the bus I'll check out a woman who looks attractive, but natural. If I feel a woman is trying too hard (way too 'done up', overdoing it on the make-up) I'll make a point to ignore her. I don't make a point of giving attention to those that obviously crave it. Or as I sometimes say: "It's 11:30am on a Tuesday, why are you dressed like a prostitute who caters solely to clowns?"

Are you really that self-absorbed? I sincerely doubt any of the women you "make a point to ignore" ever notice you doing so, and I doubt even more that they'd care. Did it ever cross your mind that these ladies might not be dressing up for you? That they might be doing it for themselves?

Anyway, I like being checked out, but I don't like being leered at. Though like Kestra, I often feel bad about myself when I catch someone really looking at me. I've caught myself looking a few times, and there have been a couple of times when I've seen a person so completely striking that it was extremely difficult not to stare -- in those cases it's not sexual, it's happened with both men and women.

Oh wow, I'm glad you commented on that because I missed it!

I'd say that generally when I wear makeup, it's for myself or to look good for other women. And it was like that even way back when I was single.

You know, it's criticisms like the one above that really make me constantly self-conscious about my appearance. If I don't do much, there is going to be someone thinking "She's lazy for not even trying to look good." if I wear more makeup, someone might think I'm trying too much.

And do men have any idea how difficult applying makeup can be? It's not something we all magically learn. It's an art. Picking the right shades with the right consistency, applying five million things in order, picking things that not just suit our complexion but also the event we are going to or the time of day or the outfit that we are wearing. And even if you get the right shade and products and know the correct steps, there is still a very good chance you will fuck it up and look like you applied it in the car.

So don't be so quick to judge. Makeup can be fun but it can also be a gigantic pain the ass (an expensive pain at that).

Yeah, the absurdity of that post would be remarkable, if that kind of thinking weren't so common in men (mind you, this isn't meant to be a "men suck!" statement, I know plenty of men don't think like that). As for make up, I don't wear much myself, except on really rare occasions (like the Bowie Ball, for example, because one doesn't go to a party dedicated to David Bowie without plenty of glitter eyeshadow and false eyelashes!). I am very lucky to have good skin and a good complexion, with naturally red lips, so I mostly stick to a little pencil eyeliner and lip gloss. I do use a green foundation to take some of the red out of my cheeks, not because I'm unhappy with their natural color, but because I just got so sick and tired of men commenting on it -- "Mmmm-mmmm--look at those red cheeks!" or "I see you blushing! You know you like it!" And other bullshit along those lines, and, shocking though it may seem to Satyrquaze, most of the time I'd rather just be left alone.

 

[Kestra]

I'm jealous! I have a horrible complexion, complete with scars and serious hyperpigmentation. Because of this i had been wearing makeup every day since about seventh grade. And not fun makeup either, but foundation. Everytime I find one they discontinue the shade, product,or the entire company ceases to exist. I started using MAC about a year ago and the lady was like "Oh, we never discontinue shades. You're totally safe." Well, I go online to order some more (it was a special kind they didn't have in stores) and I found out that they discontinued that whole product. Lovely.

Since I moved to CA though, I've pretty much stopped wearing makeup. I'll wear it only if I'm going out to a nice dinner or there's some sort of event with pictures. Otherwise, nothing except lots of sunscreen. I figured that I hate wearing thick makeup, it's just making my skin worse, and my husband doesn't care so why should I?

It does suck to feel the difference in the way that I'm treated. And I'm still incredibly insecure, but I'm getting better. I used to not let anyone see me without makeup. When I went to Napa with my siblings, there was a couple that was staying there that I was meeting for the first time. Normally I wouldn't have even considered not wearing makeup, but that's exactly what I did. And everything was fine, I wasn't miserable under layers of foundation, and I didn't have to worry about what they would think later when I took my makeup off.

I think if my skin was fine I'd have lots of fun playing around with eyeshadow, but as it is I have kind of a love/hate relationship with makeup.

 

[RoJoHen]

Did it ever cross your mind that these ladies might not be dressing up for you? That they might be doing it for themselves?

To be fair, some ladies go overboard. It's one thing to dress up and look extra nice, but some women (and I notice this especially while I'm bartending) haven't quite grasped the "less is more" concept.

Here are some of the more common things I notice:

1) The hair bump -- Why do you want me to think you have a conehead?

2) Too much makeup -- I don't care what Drew Barrymore says. The "smokey eye" is a terrible look.

3) Sequence -- Why are your "Friday Night Out" shirts always so damn sparkly?

4) Heals -- DON'T WEAR HEALS IF YOU CAN'T WALK IN THEM PROPERLY! You're not helping your sex appeal if you're hobbling around like an idiot.

Thus ends my rant about women's fashion.

Also, Uggs look retarded, especially with shorts or mini skirts.

Oh, and those giant belts that wrap around your whole mid-section and tuck right under your boobs. They make you look like you have no torso.

...I think I'm done now.

 

[Kestra]

Sequins, heels.

I love smokey eyes and big hair.

 

[RoJoHen]

Smokey eyes make girls look like evil clowns.

 

[Kestra]

Smokey eyes make girls look like evil clowns.

Maybe that's what we are going for!

 

[RoJoHen]

I just like my women to look as natural as possible.

 

[auntiehill]

Did it ever cross your mind that these ladies might not be dressing up for you? That they might be doing it for themselves?

To be fair, some ladies go overboard. It's one thing to dress up and look extra nice, but some women (and I notice this especially while I'm bartending) haven't quite grasped the "less is more" concept.

Here are some of the more common things I notice:

1) The hair bump -- Why do you want me to think you have a conehead?

2) Too much makeup -- I don't care what Drew Barrymore says. The "smokey eye" is a terrible look.

3) Sequence -- Why are your "Friday Night Out" shirts always so damn sparkly?

4) Heals -- DON'T WEAR HEALS IF YOU CAN'T WALK IN THEM PROPERLY! You're not helping your sex appeal if you're hobbling around like an idiot.


Also, Uggs look retarded, especially with shorts or mini skirts.

Oh, and those giant belts that wrap around your whole mid-section and tuck right under your boobs. They make you look like you have no torso.

...I think I'm done now.

Sequins are the shiny things. Sequence is putting things in order. And shoes have heels that might require your feet have time to heal.
A little sparkle is nice and makes women feel pretty. Too much sparkle, however, makes you look like a Christmas ornament.

Actually, I think you both might be a bit wrong. I think a lot of women dress up for EACH OTHER. They dress with the opinions of other women in mind. What will my friends think? Will I be the best dressed amongst my friends? I see a lot of that in my hubby's circle of friends.

In my case, no one gives a damn what I wear, so I just wear what makes me feel good--or at least, doesn't make me feel quite so horrible.

 

[Kestra]

Yeah, I mentioned that I usually dress up for myself or other women.

 

[MANT!]

I've looked, (who hasn't) but I keep it to a glance, not an extended ooglin'

though in my younger days, I was far less civilized,
[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVN1Apz45AE[/yt]

 

[thestrangequark]

Did it ever cross your mind that these ladies might not be dressing up for you? That they might be doing it for themselves?

To be fair, some ladies go overboard. It's one thing to dress up and look extra nice, but some women (and I notice this especially while I'm bartending) haven't quite grasped the "less is more" concept.

So what? Some girls like gaudy style, what's it to you or anyone else? You kind of missed the point of that statement, but as I don't know how to state it any plainer, I'll just state it again for emphasis: have you not considered that they aren't dressing up for your benefit? I want to be clear, I'm not trying to attack you, I like you and think you're a chill guy, but you seem to be operating under the same mode of thought as Satyrquaze, just more subtly (and without as much self-centered-ness).

Here are some of the more common things I notice:

1) The hair bump -- Why do you want me to think you have a conehead?

Why do you think she's given a single thought to what you are going to think of it? I can honestly say the thought of what a man will think of how I've styled my hair or what I'm wearing only ever pops into my head in the context of, "Will I get more attention than I can handle today if I wear this."

2) Too much makeup -- I don't care what Drew Barrymore says. The "smokey eye" is a terrible look.

I like the way I look with a smokey eye...it all depends on the girl as to whether she can pull it off. Some girls like the look of a ton of make up. I personally don't, but doesn't the fact that they continue to wear it despite men always whinging about wanting the "natural look" show that, again, they might be wearing it for their own pleasure, not men's?

3) Sequence -- Why are your "Friday Night Out" shirts always so damn sparkly?

4) Heals -- DON'T WEAR HEALS IF YOU CAN'T WALK IN THEM PROPERLY! You're not helping your sex appeal if you're hobbling around like an idiot.

Thus ends my rant about women's fashion.

Also, Uggs look retarded, especially with shorts or mini skirts.

Oh, and those giant belts that wrap around your whole mid-section and tuck right under your boobs. They make you look like you have no torso.

...I think I'm done now.

Again, this isn't meant to be an attack on you, but on a way of thinking that I think is wrong but that is sadly present to some degree in many, if not most men. Some women dress for attention (though more often for the attention of other women, not for the attention of men), but not all of us do, and it shouldn't really matter either way. Men need to stop assuming that a woman's appearance is for their (men's) benefit. It's fine to criticize fashion, you like what you like, and don't like what you don't. However, if you're criticizing the fashion because you can't understand why a woman would wear it if men don't like it (which is what you did specifically several times in the post above), then there's a fundamental flaw in your reasoning.

Again, I hope you're not mad at me, and I really don't mean to attack you personally, it's just that this is a really common way that guys are unintentionally sexist.

 

[RoJoHen]

I don't care who the women are dressing for, be it men, other women, or themselves. There are just certain things that I think look stupid and I don't understand why they would want to ever appear that way in public.

I just think my biggest issue is that women always end up dressing THE SAME. Again, maybe this is just something I notice more because I'm a bartender and I see groups of girls all the time. They're all dressed more or less the same, and they all come up to the bar and order "something fruity" because apparently none of them actually know how to order anything specific.

I think I'm just ranting about my job at this point.

 

[thestrangequark]

^I misinterpreted your post then, sorry about that. I guess in your line of work, you are exposed to a lot of extremes!

 

[RoJoHen]

Yeah, it's not women specifically. There are plenty of dudes that come into the bar and make me raise an eyebrow at their fashion choices.

I am but a simple man. Jeans and T-shirts are all I need.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

In all of my 42 years on this terrestrial ball, if anyone has ever checked me out, I missed it.

I check out (just look, NOT leer) women on a regular basis, but I'm nervous about making eye contact, so if she looks like she's going to look back, I avert my gaze. I don't want to look like a pig.

 

[iguana_tonante]

I just like my women to look as natural as possible.

What you call "natural", is actually accurately staged and painstakingly created with clothes, make-up, and other uncountable little tortures women endure dayly. No woman is "natually" hairless, with perfect skin, combed hair, and smells like vanilla. So you should at least recognize their efforts to look their best, while appearing to have done nothing.