TNG Caption This! 272: Love and Marriage

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! Thank you for bearing with me while I was occupied with my friends wedding.

First up to the plate, we have the "Fasttrack to a Transfer" Award, going to:

Riker: "Here it is. Constitution-class USS Enterprise, Captain James T. Kirk commanding. And look at that record! This guy was really something! God, what I wouldn't give to serve under a captain like that! Uh...not that there's anything wrong with your record, sir."

Next, we have the "It's Hard to overstate my satisfaction" Award:

Computer: "Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center-"

Next, we have the "24th Century Economics" Award, going to:

Data: "I see that you have noticed that Starfleet raised the debt ceiling."

Next, we have the "On the same page" Award, going to:

Picard: "What is it Number One?"
Riker: "It's my new reflective stance, what do you think?"
Picard: "I was referring to the spacial vortex on the view screen."

Next, we have the "Recruitment" Award, going to:

Endar: Counselor, you must join me in the Talarian Navy! On one of our ships your career would thrive, not languish under the yoke of this pinheaded bald tin-plated dictator...he's right behind me, isn't he?

Our Photoshop Award, goes to:

DATA: I was unaware you had a brother, Mr Homm.

Picard: Why do they keep mimicking our movements, Number One?

Riker: Hmm, I'm not really sure. Maybe we should keep moving around!

Worf: Sir! Sensors tell me that you are looking in a mirror.

Thanks to everyone who participated! Congrats to all of our winners! Given the events of my last week, I decided to use that as an inspiration for this weeks contest!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

O'Brien: (thinking) "Captain's Privilege," eh?

Picard: A toast! To Counselor Troi getting married to this guy she just met!

Riker and Picard faced off at the Auditions for The Bachelorette.

Data: Curious, it appears that the Bridesmaids are fashion challenged.

O'Brien: Why did you want me to drink this first?

Keiko: Because I have the antidote! Now, say, "I do!"

 

[Finn]

O'Brien: *thinking* *Keiko's Dad's voice* Keep her from bald Captains. She likes them.

*mutters* I better put in for a transfer. I heard something about a station on the froniter

Picard: *thinking* Hope she doesn't realize I put something in her drink. I'd like to sleep in tomorrow instead of having breakfast...

Brent: *thinking* Only if they had picked Denise for her role...

 

[R. Star]

Picard: In accordance with Starfleet tradition, set forth by James T. Kirk, I shall bless this marriage, by taking the bride to my bed!

When Lwaxana Troi is around, the galley runs out of real alcohol quite quickly.

Picard: Don't call me Tiny.

Data: Counselor Troi appears to need a robotic arm.
Worf: Quite astute.

Keiko: If I was married to you I'd put poison in your tea!
O'brien: If I was married to you I'd drink it!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, LeadHead!

Picard: "Drink it down, Chief! Trust me, that stuff will put ink in your pen!"

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

O'Brien: Honk honk! Look at me, I have a wineglass on my nose!

Keiko: ...Would this qualify as justifiable homicide?

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD (whispering): Tell me Keiko, have you ever heard of the concept of Droit du seigneur?

PICARD: Here's to our newest officer, Marion Cunningham!

PICARD: You ain't bad, you ain't nothin'! You ain't NOTHIN!

DATA: I think now might be the time for your Fran Drescher impersonation, Counselor.

O'BRIEN: Nope still not drunk enough to say "I do".

 

[Vassa]

mmmhmm, slurp, mmmnnmhmnh, slurp, slurp.

Picard: This reminds of a time back in my Academy days...
Crusher (thinking): Oh shit! Not another "Academy days" yarn. It's been 30 year Jean-Luc give it a rest.

Your slip is showing, Numbah One!

Data did we just see what I think we saw?
Yes Counseler, and unlike you I will never be able to forget.

Whispered off- screen: Oh my gawd, it is Taffeta

 

[R. Star]

Lal(off screen): He's BITING that female!

 

[Holdfast]

Picard just can't help acting on Impulse.

(did you have that product/advert in the USA?)

PICARD: Guinan! More Harvey Wallbangers!

CRUSHER: "I gave you your instructions in the dressing room. I want a good clean fight, no hits below the belt and protect yourself at all times. Now touch 'em up!"

DATA: Not as smooth as an android's bottom.

O'BRIEN: More! I'm going to need a LOT more alcohol before I say "I do".

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Stewart: "I thought you and I had a gentlemen's agreement: No lifts!"
Frakes: "All's fair in love, war and primetime TV!"
McFadden: "If that's the case, then to hell with Marina and Denise; I'm buying a Wonderbra!"

 

[ILOVETREK1701]

Picard (thinking): Wait till they find out what I did to that cup.

O'Brien (thinking) He better take his hand of her %&* NOW.

Beverly: Do you take this man to be your lawful wedded husband?
Both: I do.
Beverly: Then by the power vested in me by the cranky bolian at the courthouse in Las Vegas I pronounce you man and wife.
Picard: BTW this is a dare not real.
Data(off screen): Yeah I totally believe that.

 

[Ln X]

Picard: As part of captain's tradition, I have a say on whom this bride's groom is to be!

Picard: To Mr Broccoli! He was never a good officer, but twas in death that he did something right! We devour his vegatable remains in honour of the man!

Picard: No Number One! You can only marry Beverly over my dead body! Or off this ship!

Worf: Quite... stimulating wouldn't you say?
Data: I believe the correct term is sensual Mr Worf.

Picard: As part of accepting ones cultural traditions, Mr O'Brien must drink liquefied Fugu to show his bravery to his wife. Likewise Keiko here must drink the traditional -- but I dare not say the actual word -- Irish offering of... Well it starts with s and ends with m.

 

[TrickyDickie]

Thanks for the win!

O'Brien: "Well, this is frosty!"

Keiko: "Of course it is! '....And Miles to go before I sleep'."

Picard (thinking): Maybe I'll ply Beverly with some William Blake....

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Hmmm, I was informed there would be two girls.

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Keiko:"You'll have to get a night job"
O'Brien: "I've already got one of those lined up, It's called 'Getting in Bed with You.'"
Keiko"Well, then,Fired!."

 

[Finn]

Frakes: "I thought you and I had a gentlemen's agreement: No lifts!"
Stewart: "All's fair in love, war and primetime TV!"
McFadden: "If that's the case, then to hell with Marina and Denise; I'm buying a Wonderbra!"

 

[inflatabledalek]

Picard: There's this great trick I learnt in Vegas where you can take a womans bra off without removing her top.. you just need too...


*rustle rustle rustle rustle*


Nggghhhh nearly got it.

O'Brien: Sir!


Keiko: No Miles, I want to see the trick!

Picard: And now, a toast to myself in honour of myself.

Leadhead: ...Can I just have five minutes to go and get this caption contest started?

Groom: You sicken me. Why can't you be normal and try and molest the bridesmaids like everyone else?

Data: Why yes, I have seen Commander Riker. he just went into the janitors closet with the bride. Apparently he wants to show her the new standard issue mop head.

O'Brien: Gah, OK, you win. This stuff is disgusting, you can spit rather than swallow.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "And don't worry about tonight, my dear. You'll be fine. Just lie back, close your eyes, and think of Japan--"
O'Brien: "That's enough, Captain!"

 

[Supernuke]

Thanks for the win!

Beverly: Are both sides ready? 1, 2, 3.... DRAW!