VOY Caption Contest 73: Fly-boy Tom Paris

[Ln X]

Thanks to all who participated in the last caption contest! And now we move to the:

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I'll say it again, never insult Neelix's cooking, because as Mr. Laser Beam wrote:

"Good morning, and welcome to Cooking With Neelix! This episode we're going to show you what happens to asshole crewmembers who don't like my leola root. They're being boiled right now and will be served at lunch."

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Disruptor shows us how annoying Neelix is:

Janeway later realized telling Neelix "you may relieve yourself" while he was sitting in her chair was a really bad idea.

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A nice little howler from boco here:

Neelix: I'm pregnant...
Kes: Damn, we should have used protection..

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The Talaxians are from Middle Earth award goes to jespah:

You found a way to get me back to Middle Earth?!

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Nerys Myk confused a disguised Neelix with Snoop Dogg:

With Special Guest Star Snoop Dogg.

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LeadHead illustrates how selfish captain Janeway really is:

The Captain would have her steak well done and she didn't care if she had to use Life Support power to do it.

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The boys have been going for it award goes to JanewayRulz!:

Kim: Oh my god. I knew she was hot... but THAT was ridiculus!
Neelix: Oh yeah... but WHAT a way to go!

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I'm gonna try a different special award, so let me know what you users think of it (if you don't like it I'll use the old one):

I got a good laugh for a valid point Jonas Grumby brings up:

Kes: "Well, fine, then! If a little thing like being considered a pedophile on 99 out of every 100 planets in the galaxy is enough to give you second thoughts, then maybe we shouldn't be together!"

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The Photoshop Award goes to Finn:

*Applause breaks out off screen*

Janeway: (OS) Wonderful performance!

Paris: (OS) Where's the Doc

Torres: (OS) *smirks* He came in engineering the other day singing that damn klingon song. So I turned him into the donkey.

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And now let the next caption contest begin. Our subject, sorry, character is Tom Paris. Here are the pictures to be captioned:

This next contest will be up a week from now, until then happy captioning!

 

[Ln X]

Janeway: And as a bonus you get to sleep with any woman you want to.
Paris: Sounds good...

Paris: (mumbling) Captain my trousers are really chafing!
Janeway: Honestly this world is coming to an end and all you can think about is itchy legs?

No one got between Tom and his shuttles...

In the 24th century people vaporized animals blocking the road with phasers...

Paris: Seven, Seven, I was only experimenting!
Seven: Your excuse is... insufficient.

Paris: So you see this car is more important to me than you will ever be.
B'ellana: Tom you are real pig sometimes!

Tom: My name is Paris... Tom Paris. Snatcher of women, slayer of heroes, butcher of worlds and I need my payment so cough up!

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Alien leader: "If the Fashion Gods are appeased, we shall pass unharmed. If not..."

Janeway and Paris (thinking): We're doomed...

Paris: "That's it. I've had enough. Now I want the truth - you rubber-foreheads are all human aren't you? That couldn't have evolved naturally; you stuck it on there, didn't you?"

"Mr. Coyote, this is Lieutenant Paris. I'm trying to take him down as we speak. If I can't hit him before we reach Scorpion Gully, get the anvil ready!"

Captain Proton: "Okay, villain. What have you done with the show's budget?!"

Evil Lampost: "Wasted it on your very own jetpack effects! Muhahhahhahhha!!

Second Lampost: "You should see the next episode's villains!"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, Ln X!

Paris: "You know, it occurred to me...if you would stop wasting energy replicating replacement shuttlecraft like you thought they only cost a nickel each, we might not even need to ration our holodeck usage!"

Paris: "Hey, you've got no call the get snippy with me! Any human woman wearing an outfit that tight would expect to be asked that!"

 

[Disruptor]

Janeway: "Nicholas Lacarno? I was looking for a Tom Paris."
Lacarno: "Happens to me all the time. But I can still go on your mission, right?"
Janeway: "Not a chance."

"We'll name our band 'The Mighty Mighty Earth Tones'."

Paris: "Where I come from people who cut in line get cut!"

Paris realized too late that he had not grabbed the garage door remote.

Paris: "Well, I'll have you know that I would gladly wear a corset and a cat-suit if anyone ever asked me to!"

Paris: "She'll go point-ten past light speed."
Torres: "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Hand over the Dunkin donuts or Robert Duncan goes nuts!"

 

[boco]

Tom: Captain, seems that we're stranded alone on the planet, if you'll ever need.. you know.. I'm willing to..
Janeway: Who needs sex? All I need is coffee..

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

Tom and B'Elanna's affection for 20th century fast food had gotten out of hand.

 

[boco]

Thanks for the win!

Janeway: Don't look back,but I think the fasion police is behind us!
Tom(thinking): I didn't hear a word she said. I just froze and stopped thinking after she took my hand!help! Somebody just shoot me! The captain is touching me..

Tom: Harry! you can't just steal my promotion pips and run!

Tom(thinking): They had to increase her boobs to get more audience..I wonder if they'll increase my woody too..

 

[T'Girl]

Paris: "Hey, you've got no call the get snippy with me! Any human woman wearing an outfit that tight would expect to be asked that!"

Seven: "I would respond with a witty repartee Mister Paris, if only this costume were not cutting off the blood flow to my brain."

Tom: Captain, seems that we're stranded alone on the planet, if you'll ever need.. you know.. I'm willing to..

Janeway: "Please Mister Paris, I'd rather give birth to lizards, than have sex with you!!!"

 

[boco]

Lol,thanks T'Girl!perfect!

Paris(thinking): Damn, she's cold as a lizard

 

[Lanny77]

Harry: Are you sure you know what you're doing?
Tom: Trust me! I've seen it a thousand times in those old shows. Now get us closer so I can shoot out its tyres
Harry:....It's a shuttlecraft, Tom

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Janeway: "It's such a tragedy. My godson, Joshua Albert, taken from us in such a senseless accident. Even after all these years... If I could get my hands on that bastard Locarno... Anyway, I need a good helmsman for the new Yoyager. What do you say, Mr...?"

"Ni... I mean Tom. Yeah. Tom... Paris. Sure I'll do anything to get out of this prison colony. Not that I'm in here for any kind of cover up. Or mid-space collision. No sir. Not me. I was... whistling in church. But I learnt my lesson. Yeah, Tom Paris, pleased to meet you."

Man: "A few years ago, a cosmic traveller and his student paid us a visit. We were so impressed by his dress sense that we modelled our entire society on it. This genius's name was..."
Janeway: "Wesley Crusher."
Paris: "We know."

Paris: "Tell me everything you know."
Man: "Well, first everything was dark, and then there was a big bang, and out of the fire, stars were born, galaxies coalesced, and planets formed... Then came the dinosaurs, but they were dumb and they died..."

Paris: "Can't you make this thing go any faster?"
Tuvok: "The last time this vehicle exceeded fifteen miles per hour, we had to backtrack six kilometres to recover your hairpiece. Do you wish to risk that again?"

Seven: "Remove that hand, or have it assimilated into the collective... and no, that is not a euphemism for sex."

Torres: "This is exactly the same as Harry's holodeck fantasy."
Tom: "What, really?"
Torres: "Except he doesn't work on a car in his garage, he has something called an 8-bit computer, and he's creating something called, DOS?"

Proton: "Why Queen Arachnia, you're looking particularly evil and alluring today. I think..."
EMH: "EMH to holodeck! Mr Paris, before you continue your recreation. I have to warn you that the holodeck's STD safety routine is still offline for debugging."
Paris: "Great Doc, important safety tip, and almost too late. Sorry Queenie, this will have to wait for another day."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Man: Captain Janeway, we are grateful for your allowing us to access your Federation database. These 1980's Houston Astros uniforms are an excellent choice of daily wear.

Janeway (thinking): Please kill me.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

"Wonder Triplet powers activate!! Form of...three dorks!!"

 

[T'Girl]

Tuvok: "Any luck Mister Paris?"

Paris: "No, damn 1990's cell phone, I can't maintain a connection no matter how I hold it."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Paris (glancing in sideview mirror): "Hey, look at this! When I squint my eyes, I get Klingon ridges!"

Paris: "Hey, babe, ever made it in the back seat of a sporty car?"
Torres: "Not with you."

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Harry: "What you're doing Tom?"
Tom: "Taking care of that Radar trap."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Rodent exterminators...OF THE FUTURE!!!

 

[T'Girl]

Paris (glancing in sideview mirror)

And is completely lost in the moment.

 

[jespah]

Hey, thanks FTW, Preciousssss!

You'll have to get rid of the belt. I don't allow belts on the ship.

It's not a purse! It's a European shoulder bag!

This is a letter opener, and I know how to use it!

Starsky! Freebie! Popeye Doyle!

Trust me, you're a summer. The look is all wrong. Go with a nice pastel. Really, babe, you'll thank me.

Kitt: Where's David Hasselhoff? Don't tell me the Berlin Wall's back up.

Al Calavicci, off screen: Future Boy!