Smile, dammit

[RoJoHen]

I am sick and tired of mopey people. It's okay to be mopey every once in a while, but some people I know are just constantly mopey all the time. Even when they're in a seemingly good mood, I can tell they want to be mopey.

You know the kind of person I'm talking about? They're determined to have a miserable time no matter where they are. They "hate" everything, and no matter how many times you hug them or poke them in the face or call them "buddy" in a high-pitched voice, they just frown and refuse to accept the joy you're trying to impart.

It's annoying when they do it on purpose. You know they are perfectly capable of having a good time -- you've seen them do it before! -- but lately they are too stubborn to let themselves smile.

I don't really know what the point of this thread is, but I wanted to write this out. Certain people are starting to bug me, and I don't want them to bug me. I am forcing myself to ignore them and remove them from my life because their shitty attitude is bringin' me down. I can only try so hard to cheer people up.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is this:

Life sucks, but you only get to do it once, so you might as well try and have a good time.

 

[Kestra]

Not ... smiling? Does not compute.

In all seriousness, if I know I'm not going to have a good time, I don't go out. If my mind is made up to be miserable, there's no reason to go be miserable in a group of people. The rest of the time, well, my emotions are all over the place but I do try to make the most of things. I don't understand people who just give up. Even when I was at my most depressed, I couldn't do that.

 

[RoJoHen]

I understand that life can be shitty sometimes. Everybody has their own stuff that they have to deal with, and no, I don't expect people to be happy every moment of every day, but you have to try! Nothing is ever going to improve by grumbling and bitching all the time.

 

[auntiehill]

I've spent a HUGE chunk of my being depressed and miserable. Sometimes, it still takes me over, even now. But, on the whole, I find society, people, life and myself far too ridiculous not to laugh at. I remember my nephew looking sideways at me and hubby, and saying, "You guys sure laugh a lot," as if that was a bad or strange thing.

Yes, life sucks and often sucks ASS, but I don't really have the patience to be down all the time. I've tried that; I don't like it.

My loser-sister is stressed out all the time and when there isn't drama, she'll invent some. My mother in law never has a nice word to say about ANYONE, not even her sister who just died. My father has never given me a compliment that wasn't a back-handed put-down in disguise. I'm surrounded by negative-Nellies with no ability to find the humor in life.

Especially now, at Christmas, where I just want to look at shiny lights, play stupid Christmas songs, and just feel good---I'd like to tell people to lighten the hell up!

 

[Gryffindorian]

Well, some people are simply clinically depressed, and believe me, it's not their choice to be that way.

Where does depression hurt? Everywhere. Who does depression hurt? Everyone. Depression hurts. Cymbalta and other antidepressants can help.

 

[RoJoHen]

I'm not talking about people with clinical depression. I'm talking about people who intentionally choose to be unhappy.

 

[Gryffindorian]

You mean there are people in this world who actually choose to be unhappy? Hmm. That boggles my mind.

 

[captcalhoun]

i'm sick of people telling me to smile. it doesn't necessarily mean i'm unhappy if i'm not smiling.

 

[RJDiogenes]

There's a lot of negativity in the world. A lot of people like to wallow in that negativity rather than do something about it.

I oppose negativity. Down with negativity, I say. Up with positivity.

 

[Mr Silver]

i'm sick of people telling me to smile. it doesn't necessarily mean i'm unhappy if i'm not smiling.

This...

Seriously, can't I just be content? My teeth ache enough!

 

[RoJoHen]

i'm sick of people telling me to smile. it doesn't necessarily mean i'm unhappy if i'm not smiling.

Not actually what I'm talking about.

 

[Spot's Meow]

Well, I see it from both perspectives. On the one hand, it can be annoying when you are trying to do something you think is really fun or exciting and the people you're with just don't seem enthused at all. Or when you are in a good mood because of the holiday cheer and there are a bunch of scrooges around you who can't summon the energy to decorate the tree.

On the other hand, I've been told by many throughout life that I naturally frown and seem "down" a lot of the time, when in reality I am not. I can't count the number of times people walk into a room, see me, and say, "are you okay? What's wrong? You look unhappy." It irritates the hell out of me now, because nothing is wrong, I feel just fine, I am just not the type of person who naturally wears a smile.

Also, you said something that was interesting to me. You said that you can only try so hard to cheer people up. I would posit that unless you can tell that the person is just in a funky mood and needs some encouragement, it isn't really your job to cheer people up. Sometimes I am in a bad mood and the only thing that gets me out of it is being alone, with my own thoughts. So when a co-worker/friend comes up and wants to have a little chat or make me laugh, it just makes me feel even worse, and I want to tell them to shut up so I can be with my thoughts. Some people need other human interaction to improve their moods or make them feel good about themselves, others need just the opposite. The best you can do is try to find out which type of person you're dealing with and adjust your actions accordingly.

 

[RoJoHen]

I'm not talking about people who look unhappy. I look sad and/or pissed a lot of the time when I'm not; that's just what my face does. I'm talking about people who are actively grumpy, people who make a point to not have a good time. I'm not saying you need to be bubbly and cheerful all the time (I'm certainly not), but you also can't spend your life complaining about how much you hate everything. If you hate your job, do something about it. If you hate your life, do something about it.

 

[{ Emilia }]

Being grumpy is just too stressful. I like life and most people seem to be decent.

That said: Get off my lawn, RoJoHen!

 

[RoJoHen]

I just feel like being grumpy requires so much more effort than being happy. Maybe I'm weird.

 

[Spot's Meow]

I just feel like being grumpy requires so much more effort than being happy. Maybe I'm weird.

I think everyone really is different in this regard. It's probably split down the middle. A lot of people do seem naturally happy all of the time, and it takes some negative event or action to bring them down. But then others seem to naturally be unhappy all of the time, and it takes some positive event or action to bring them up. I guess there may be some people in the middle too...the neutrals. I would say I'm a neutral. Some days it takes a lot of effort to be happy, even though nothing has gone wrong. And other days it is hard to dampen my high spirits, even when nothing has seemed to go right. But I don't really go to the extremes either way.

 

[Holdfast]

Most people operate within a range of varying moods, and some tend to be found more at one end of the spectrum than others. It's quite interesting & eye-opening just how much normal variation there can be.

Personally, I generally occupy a "Happy Cynic" position.

 

[Ethros]

I know what Larry David would say to this thread

 

[Mary Ann]

I think I occupy the same position as you, Holdfast.

I think I know where the OP is coming from. We're all in funks to varying degrees from time to time, but my in-laws honestly go out of their way to be miserable, and they're never happy for other people who are happy, if that makes sense. When our nephew was taken on by a program which helps bright underprivileged to enter university, for example, there was no happiness from MIL but just a moan about how the boy will never bother to attend or will drop out, etc, while he has an excellent attendance record at school. I've taken to thinking of her as The Voice of Doom. My teenagers visit the in-laws out of duty, not for pleasure, and whenever they return they say how miserable and gloomy their house is. I believe my in-laws think negatively out of sheer habit, that's how long they've been doing it. I only see them a few times a year, and that's more than enough for me, because after 16 years of relation through marriage I have a very low tolerance for their moaning.

 

[Gryffindorian]

Or what about those people who just have plain serious personalities? I know my dad is one. I'm not saying he doesn't have a sense of humor, but having been in the Navy all those decades ago made him a very stern and disciplined man most of the time. He's a no-nonsense guy. He's always in polite terms even when talking to friends and relatives. When we kids were growing up, my dad was quite strict and his words were the law in our household. Then he mellowed down as he got older. Now he's more preoccupied with health or finances, but it doesn't make him a miserable person.