The Alchemist's Dream turns to, well, you know...

[Holdfast]

A man from Northern Ireland has been jailed...

It is thought that as part of the bizarre experiment Moran left his faeces, along with other waste products such as fertiliser, on a heater.

In his ruling Judge McFarland told Moran: "Rather bizarrely you were attempting to make gold from human faeces and waste products.

It was an interesting experiment to fulfil the alchemist’s dream, but wasn’t going to succeed".

Moran’s barrister mentioned that his client was a man of 'considerable intellectual ability' but that he had problems battling drug abuse.

Source​

The Yahoo contributor comments, as usual, are the real hidden treasure...

He was charged with arse-on

I wonder if he kept a diarrhea of events?

It would have worked if he'd eaten enough carrots.

Faeces of eight! Faeces of eight!

Hope he's ok in prison, and avoids treasurehunters.

And of course, the ultimate pun: STOOLS GOLD!!!

 

[Darth Duck]

I bet he feels really dumped on now.

 

[Locutus of Bored]

You wouldn't believe how long it took to clean up California after the gold rush of 1849.

 

[the 4th hanson bro]

So alchemy is a crap shoot?

I wonder if he mistook corn for gold nuggets?

 

[Darth Duck]

I wonder what his number 2 plan was.

 

[scotpens]

. . . It is thought that as part of the bizarre experiment Moran left his faeces, along with other waste products such as fertiliser, on a heater.

Boy, talk about the you-know-what hitting the fan.

 

[Nociod]

Did he do this in his own home, or in public?

If it was in public, I can see him getting arrested.

but if it was in private, then why? and how did he get caught

 

[Robert Maxwell]

This seems like a pretty shitty plan.

 

[scotpens]

Did he do this in his own home, or in public?

If it was in public, I can see him getting arrested.

but if it was in private, then why? and how did he get caught

Maybe the neighbors noticed the smell?

 

[Zulu Romeo]

If he did it in the toilet, he could have at least made a claim to be panning for gold.

 

[Darth Duck]

So alchemy is a crap shoot?

He rolled a deuce.

 

[Kemaiku]

Well, people do keep saying Alchemy is a load of shit, seems he took it too literally.

 

[RJDiogenes]

Moran’s barrister mentioned that his client was a man of 'considerable intellectual ability'

Highly scat-o-logical.