Let's analyze my date

[RoJoHen]

Greetings, my fellow TrekBBSers. I am here to talk about the awkward date I just got back from to determine if it was actually awkward or if it's just in my imagination.

Background: I never go on dates. The last date I went on was 3 years ago. Prior to that, the last date I went on was a junior high dance. My experience is limited.

The reason my experience is limited is because I never really had a huge interest in dating or relationships or sex, and as a result I never put a huge effort into it. However, out of boredom, several years ago I joined a dating site. Nothing ever came of it until last week when all of a sudden a seemingly cute, smart, fun girl sent me a message. We got to talking and found that we had a lot in common. I made the first move and asked her out.

We went out tonight as soon as we both got off work. That part was a little odd for me since it was about 4:30 in the afternoon. However, she has things to do early tomorrow morning and didn't want to be out late, so I obliged.

We went to a bar (a bar where I happen to know most of the staff) and had dinner. We had very nice conversation and found that we had even more in common than I originally thought, but because she wanted to be home fairly early, we kept the drinking to a minimum. I don't know about you, but I enjoy a little social lubrication when meeting new people. It helps me be myself.

The whole experience was...meh. She was very nice, and our talk was pleasant. We were there for almost 4 hours, so we clearly weren't having a terrible time, but we also weren't having a great time either. I think we were both just trying too hard to be polite, walking on eggshells so as not to offend the other. You never know what kind of things people will find funny.

So at the end of the date, we parted ways with an awkward little side hug, and then we drove away, and I honestly have no idea what she thinks about me. I feel like we could be get along really well if we got to know each other better and got more comfortable around each other, but I can't tell if she has any interest in pursuing that.

Dating is odd, and I don't know what to make of it.

 

[Gryffindorian]

I have very little to no experience at all when it comes to dating. But don't you usually follow up with the girl? Since you already have her telephone/contact information, there's really no reason to keep things hanging. You could thank her for a nice dinner, maybe ask her out again to go to the movies, and take it from there.

 

[Jetfire]

Just ask her out on another date...don't think about it too much.

 

[RoJoHen]

Oh, I know. And actually, roughly 30 seconds ago, she texted me and said she had a really good time. So maybe there's hope.

We just need to try again sometime when we can let loose a bit more!

 

[sidious618]

Go out with her again, without a doubt. It sounds like things went well enough so there's no reason not to continue.

 

[auntiehill]

Wait 24 hours, or thereabouts, then call or email her again and ask if she would be interested in dinner. If she says yes, you can have another date to figure out if there's any interest there or not. If she says no, then you know that the "meh" response was mutual and you're both better off just moving on.

 

[Gryffindorian]

Chances are, she may be reflecting on the same things in her head. "The dinner wasn't spectacular or anything but it wasn't bad either. I wonder if he likes me." If you like her enough to keep that connection going, I say go for it and ask her out again.

 

[RoJoHen]

Well, she just texted me and said we should go out again sometime. So that's good.

Too bad we're both incredibly busy the next couple weeks and probably won't be able to make it happen.

I think we need an activity. Sitting at a table trying to come up with topics of conversation can get a little trying.

 

[Jetfire]

Go bowling?

 

[auntiehill]

Bike ride? Picnic? Museum?

 

[sidious618]

Make time in your schedules. Don't wait a few weeks.

 

[RoJoHen]

Make time in your schedules. Don't wait a few weeks.

The problem is we're both going to be out of town for various things. It's not just that we're busy. We're not even going to be in the area.

 

[Starbreaker]

Yay. Does she have a hot sister?

 

[RoJoHen]

Yay. Does she have a hot sister?

I have no idea.

 

[sidious618]

Make time in your schedules. Don't wait a few weeks.

The problem is we're both going to be out of town for various things. It's not just that we're busy. We're not even going to be in the area.

That is problematic. I'd try and get a few phone calls in then to keep something of a connection.

 

[TheBrew]

Make time in your schedules. Don't wait a few weeks.

The problem is we're both going to be out of town for various things. It's not just that we're busy. We're not even going to be in the area.

That is problematic. I'd try and get a few phone calls in then to keep something of a connection.

I will give you two pieces of advice from when I started to date my (now) fiancee and we were both really busy and living in two different states. We would see each other once a week at best for the first two months.

1) Don't stop communicating. I almost messed it up just because I am not one for small talk on the phone and I like to keep up with people in person. She wasn't sure how interested I was. Luckily, one of her friends knocked some sense into me.

That doesn't mean you have to call her every day to force conversation, but a little message of "how is your day?" can show her that you are still interested in the dry spells of no physical contact.

2) Don't stress about having a great first date. It seems that you guys hit it off well enough where it didn't go terribly. Let it develop naturally and don't start having insanely high expectations. Just try to have a good time and see what happens.

 

[RoJoHen]

I will give you two pieces of advice from when I started to date my (now) fiancee and we were both really busy and living in two different states. We would see each other once a week at best for the first two months.

1) Don't stop communicating. I almost messed it up just because I am not one for small talk on the phone and I like to keep up with people in person. She wasn't sure how interested I was. Luckily, one of her friends knocked some sense into me.

That doesn't mean you have to call her every day to force conversation, but a little message of "how is your day?" can show her that you are still interested in the dry spells of no physical contact.

Prior to tonight, we had only communicated via facebook and text messages, so I'm not too worried about this bit. And it's not like we're living far away from each other or have terribly busy schedules. It's just the next two weeks or so that are going to be problematic.

2) Don't stress about having a great first date. It seems that you guys hit it off well enough where it didn't go terribly. Let it develop naturally and don't start having insanely high expectations. Just try to have a good time and see what happens.

Yeah, I wasn't particularly stressed, just curious about how normal this was. Again, I don't date. I've been on one date in my whole life. The whole concept always kind of weirded me out. I didn't have high expectations (high hopes, maybe), but I was a little disappointed that I didn't feel strongly one way or another.

 

[Nerys Ghemor]

Maybe this is just me, but the one time I really dated, the guy took it WAY too fast and smothered me, metaphorically speaking. Personally, I'd be more comfortable on the kind of date you described. If I spent four hours with someone without cutting it off, that would say something great. And personally, I would've also appreciated the fact that you did not rush into a lot of making out. I know what people say about the "friend zone," but at least to me, that's BS. I want to see that I can be friends with someone, and feel comfortable simply being in their company, before pushing it. If she wants to go out with you again--if she asked you--I think that's a good sign. For me, slow and steady--and for me to express interest in a guy rather than have to be pressured--would be a good sign.

Granted, I don't know that all women are as reserved and cautious as I am, but what I read looked like the kind of first date I would like.

 

[RoJoHen]

It was a pretty pleasant experience. I guess I was just hoping for us to click a little more. I can't speak for her, but I know I was a lot more reserved than I usually am, and it just seemed a little disingenuous for me to be acting that way.

 

[RAMA]

It was a pretty pleasant experience. I guess I was just hoping for us to click a little more. I can't speak for her, but I know I was a lot more reserved than I usually am, and it just seemed a little disingenuous for me to be acting that way.

Sounds like it was awkward mainly because you don't date enough. She doesn't seem to think it was awkward by her response, unless she is trying to see if it was a fluke or a trend by saying she wants to go out again.

RAMA