The Dating Advice and Support Thread

[Mr Awe]

Yes, I agree. The "nice guy" is the one who's nice and totally non-threatening, i.e., non-sexual. Being self-assured - and humble (I find a degree of self-deprecation helps), but also clearly being interested is key to not being dismissed.

I have to disagree with this part of your post. Being a nice guy does not mean that you are non-sexual and not interested. Being self-assured does not mean you are not nice guy.

Now, I *am* a pretty nice guy. When I was dating I had plenty of luck. I guarantee you that I was plenty self-assured and definitely showed interest. These things are not mutually exclusive. When you (the general you, not you specifically) start thinking they are mutually exclusive, that's when you start getting assholes who think they're looking confident!

Mr Awe

 

[LitmusDragon]

Heading out tonight. Plan to talk to some girls. We'll see how it goes.

 

[Kestra]

If someone, like me, isn't in a relationship, it's most likely because he/she doesn't want to be in a relationship. All these reasons like not having enough confidence or not having enough time or saving oneself for marriage or waiting for the "right person" are excuses.

Surely "saving yourself for marriage" is an absurd excuse for not trying to form a relationship, I can't imagine anyone using that one. How can you even get married if you don't try to get into a relationship

Well, I have a teenaged female cousin in India who is saving herself for marriage and not trying to get into a relationship because in many places dating is still frowned upon. But I suspect that doesn't apply to anyone here.

I suppose it's possible that someone could be saving themselves for marriage in the sense that they will not try to form any relationship unless they think that there is a remote possibility of it leading to marriage one day? Like not meeting anyone you could see it working out with long term.

 

[Gryffindorian]

Heading out tonight. Plan to talk to some girls. We'll see how it goes.

Way to go!

 

[JarodRussell]

Dear Boys,

if you want to be together with her, you have

TO-GET-HER




That's about all there is to it.

 

[RJDiogenes]

(Boston was awesome)

"Is."

Just sayin.'

 

[Warp Coil]

Been out of the dating game for a long time. Long, long time. Dating terrifies me. I find it incredibly awkward and uncomfortable. I'm also entirely too comfortable being alone. It doesn't bother me 95% of the time. I enjoy the freedom of doing what I want, when I want. I've got my routines in place. Dating just completely throws me outside of my bubble and screws up my daily rhythm. I keep telling myself that I'm not getting any younger, and that I need to force myself outside of my comfort zone and try new things, meet new people, embrace new experiences. But dating is the one area that I tend to circumvent and avoid as much as possible. I'd rather go rock climbing or read a good book than go out on an awkward date with some random girl. Maybe my sex drive is just too low, or maybe there's just something wrong with me. I dunno. Whatever. It is what it is.

Anyways, I have been spending time with a certain girl as of late. We work for the same company (but do not interact at work) and really got to know each other through mutual friends. She's nice. She's got a good sense of humor. We seem to get along. But I don't find her physically attractive. She's... kinda sorta cute but isn't really my type. We've hung out and gone to the movies a couple of times, just as friends. She asked me out to see the new Harry Potter movie tonight, and then threw in the added twist of making it a date. I am not sure how I feel about this. I mean, I like her and we get along really well... but I am not sure that there's any romantic chemistry there. I accepted the invitation to be nice, and to satisfy my own curiosity, but my expectations are low.

I keep telling myself that even if the date is a bust and there's no spark, it's at least a step in the right direction for me.

 

[Sean Aaron]

Yes, I agree. The "nice guy" is the one who's nice and totally non-threatening, i.e., non-sexual. Being self-assured - and humble (I find a degree of self-deprecation helps), but also clearly being interested is key to not being dismissed.

I have to disagree with this part of your post. Being a nice guy does not mean that you are non-sexual and not interested. Being self-assured does not mean you are not nice guy.

Now, I *am* a pretty nice guy. When I was dating I had plenty of luck. I guarantee you that I was plenty self-assured and definitely showed interest. These things are not mutually exclusive. When you (the general you, not you specifically) start thinking they are mutually exclusive, that's when you start getting assholes who think they're looking confident!

Mr Awe

I meant "nice guy" as in the stereotype of the guy who's nice, but never gets the girl. I'm a nice fellow as well!

 

[{ Emilia }]

Somehow I think that "being a nice guy" has nothing to do with "never getting the girl".

I doubt there's a causality there but it's probably easier to think that than to think about what real issues one has that causes them to "never get the girl".

Being too nice probably isn't one of them.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

Let me just say that there's a tendency around here to confuse "doormat with no self-esteem" with being a "nice guy." They are not the same thing.

 

[Kestra]

I like nice guys. One guy couldn't figure out why I was into him and I told him that he was the sweetest guy I had ever met.

 

[Goji]

If there actually are people who specifically avoid nice people for any reason, they pretty much deserve the assholes they're going to wind up with. I mean, come on.

 

[LitmusDragon]

Went out once this weekend, to a rock show, but was feeling really paranoid for some reason. The band was good though.

 

[Darth Duck]

Went out once this weekend, to a rock show, but was feeling really paranoid for some reason. The band was good though.

Say no to drugs, m'kay.

 

[LitmusDragon]

Went out once this weekend, to a rock show, but was feeling really paranoid for some reason. The band was good though.

Say no to drugs, m'kay.

Just alcohol. I'm perfectly capable of feeling paranoid without any chemical help.

Sometimes it's hard to go to a show or whatever by myself but I figure it's better odds of meeting someone than sitting at home on the couch.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

I have met someone who I like a lot (and who I admit I have had a crush on from the get-go). The problem is not that she is divorced and has a kid. I think I can deal with that. The problem is that her sister is married to my brother. I'm worried about that looking 'tacky'.

She is also taller than me.

 

[Avalon]

I have met someone who I like a lot (and who I admit I have had a crush on from the get-go). The problem is not that she is divorced and has a kid. I think I can deal with that. The problem is that her sister is married to my brother. I'm worried about that looking 'tacky'.

So...you've liked her for a while, but you're going to let what other people (might) think stop you.

Really???

She is also taller than me.

Oh, come on. The height difference can have its benefits, too, sometimes...

Just go for it, silly. (I'm assuming she feels the same way, yes?)

 

[Locutus of Bored]

I have met someone who I like a lot (and who I admit I have had a crush on from the get-go). The problem is not that she is divorced and has a kid. I think I can deal with that. The problem is that her sister is married to my brother. I'm worried about that looking 'tacky'.

She is also taller than me.

If you truly like her a lot than those are pretty weak excuses to avoid asking her out. Go for it.

 

[Mr Silver]

I dislike these so called "experts" on women. Its ludicrous to assume that someone has dated so many women that he can predict each woman's inner depths. This is where the whole pick up culture fails. Whilst I can perfectly accept that the power of suggestion and using stealth study techniques does work, what it won't help you to do is form a connection with a female, leading to no long term or meaningful relationship.

Most men will claim to be experts on women as will most women claim to be experts on men. Its really not the case at all and wannabe pick up artists or relationship manipulators are signing themselves up to a life of terrible relationships. Sex yes, but nothing more.

 

[Trekker4747]

I have met someone who I like a lot (and who I admit I have had a crush on from the get-go). The problem is not that she is divorced and has a kid. I think I can deal with that. The problem is that her sister is married to my brother. I'm worried about that looking 'tacky'.

She is also taller than me.

I'd find a woman taller than me fairly sexy, actually. I think I'd like that.

As for the other thing, she's pretty much your nobody it terms of charting relationships between people. She's your brother's Sister in Law, stranger things have happened and plenty of people hook-up that way.