TNG Caption This #214: The Picard!

[Isis]

Picard: "This should teach you that liquor is not something to be toyed with. You're an absolute disgrace to your late father."

<brief pause>

Picard: "Wesley Crusher...you make him look like a choir boy. Data, I don't know what I'm going to do with you."

Riker was so vain that when the viewscreens were activated, he would only let the alien race see him from his best side. However, there were those who believed his best side was nowhere near his face.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Picard: Hello, and welcome to QVC. Here I'm demonstrating the new Riker action figure. Note the realistic phaser movements and vacant stare. Yours for only 500 credits if you act now!

 

[Isis]

Picard: "Look, Numbah One, the cleft chin is part of my shtick and I'm the captain. I demahnd that you go with something else next season--have you ever given any thought to facial hair?"

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Picard: "Rise and shine, Mr. Worf. Rise and shine. Not that I wish to imply you have been sleeping on the job. No-one is more deserving of a rest. And all the effort in the world would have gone to waste until... well, let's just say your hour has come again. The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world. So, wake up, Mr. Worf. Wake up and smell the ashes."

 

[Smellincoffee]

His words carry weight that would break a less interesting man's jaw. His blood smells like fine wine.
He is...the Galaxy's Most Interesting Man.

Stewart, thinking: I'm a Shakespearean actor, dammit. Why do I have to put on this silly French accent? I'll just speak as I please and let the writers sort out the details -- "Numbah One, raise the shields."

Picard: Hold on. Maybe we just need to give it a kick.
Riker: This is the fourth time that machine has taken my credit chips! I want revenge!

 

[Nerys Myk]

VASJH: Whoa....what did you call this drink again?

PICARD: An "R and C."

VASH: Rum?

PICARD: Roofies.

 

[Captain Crow]

[loud pop sound then the ship leans to the left]

Picard: Damn! We got a flat!

Riker: We can't go the rest of the way on the rim. Worf! Have we got a spare?

Worf: Yes, but it's one of the stupid space saver ones.

Riker: Damn!

Data, while giggling: Look! I can see my quarters from here!

[Picard turns Data off]

Picad: God I hate that bloody emotion chip!

Picard: No Numbah One. I want to do it.

[Picard pulls out his phaser]

Picard: Goodbye Wesley.

[Picard shoots phaser]

Picard: You won't catch me! HUZZAH!

[Picard sets off pyrotechnic flash]

[smoke clears with Picard still standing there]

Picard: Shit. It didn't work. [points] The fuck is that!

[runs off in opposite direction]

 

[Bob Karo]

Stewart: ... and you're sure this is the lense they used to use for Kirk's love interests?

 

[Distorted Humor]

Picard: I am a god, and I HAVE a starship....

It's Electric!

You can't see it
It's electric!
You gotta feel it
It's electric!
Ooh, it's shakin'
It's electric!

Jiggle-a-mesa-cara
She's a pumpin' like a matic
She's a movin' like electric
She sure got the boogie

You gotta know it
It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie!
Now you can't hold it
It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie!
But you know it's there,
Yeah here there everywhere

Picard: Data, shut down the computer Audio, we are going with a boring wedding for the O'Brians....

Data: Sir, it appears that we can see Dr. Crusher changing from this location, perhaps I should move

Picard: No no no, no need, we are old friends...

Ira Steven Behr: Perhaps we should shelve the idea that his dad was a New Orleans cook. We will save it for the next bald captain.

[/QUOTE]

Picard: Dear lord, two girls, one cup....I am speechless
Riker: Same here...
Picard: Vaporize it...NOW

 

[Captain Crow]

Picard: Numbah One! Have you been doing the LDS again?

 

[Isis]

Dental patient (OS): "Has anyone ever told you that you look like Ben Kingsley?"

"I get that all the time."

 

[Isis]

Viewer (OS): "This Sharp Quattron is a piece of cr*p."

 

[Supernuke]

Thanks for the win!!

Picard: Number One, you are holding that at the wrong angle! Aim for his nuts!

 

[Supernuke]

Sorry! Accidental double-post!

 

[Nerys Myk]

Thanks for the win!!

Picard: Number One, you are holding that at the wrong angle! Aim for his nuts!

RIKER: Not everyone keeps their genitals in the same place.

 

[Isis]

Picard (O.S., opening his eyes first thing in the morning): "Merde...they warned me this would happen if I made captain... <brief pause> ...I've become a legend in my own mind."

 

[LeadHead]

New Contest! Let's go!

 

[T'Girl]

Picard: "Riker, leave the phaser ... take the cannolis."

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