So my Bubbie finally died

[propita]

For those unaware, “Bubbie” is Yiddish for grandmother. She was 96 years old and in failing health. No real mourning here; she was not a loving person. She never really liked me or anyone else, including her only child, my mother. A cousin said that she managed to alienate everyone who met her, including her siblings.

My mother, as I’ve posted before, took “honor thy father and thy mother” serious. Mom says, “I’m supposed to honor her. Nothing says I have to love her.” Yet I know that Mom has yearned for her mother’s love. It’s really sad. I think it’s also really sad that no one is really upset to see her go. What a lousy way to be remembered, you know? No one to cry from missing you. No one. God, what an unhappy life! And she could have had (and was repeatedly offered) love from her child, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. She wouldn’t--or by that time couldn’t--accept it.

What’s pissing off my sister is that the funeral will be Sunday (btw, NOT within 24 hours)--Mother’s Day. I say it will be a day to celebrate OUR mother. And my sister and brother are both pissed off because it may be that our grandmother died on the same day of the Jewish calendar as our father. I think it may be a day off, depending on the exact time she died, which was near sundown on Thursday, May 5. Which means it was either the same day as Dad or the next day. This matters to my siblings; it doesn’t matter to me because Dad was Dad and always will be special.

So off we go to LA tomorrow for the funeral. My brother will be there. This will be the first Mother’s Day in I don’t know how many years that Mom will have all three of her children together. I prefer to emphasize that.

 

[auntiehill]

Well, I hope you get to enjoy some time with your Mom and siblings, regardless of the circumstances.

Once respects are paid and you have done your family duty, find a moment or two to really let your Mom know that you appreciate her.

 

[Misfit Toy]

I'm sorry propita - that kind of situation sounds stressful.

 

[K'Ehleyr]

As Auntie says try and get some time together with your Mum and siblings and enjoy your time together.
I can empathise with the thread title. My grandad held on for years. He was nearly totally deaf, mostly blind, so could not do the things he loved, like listen to music or read. He made my Mum's life hell ~ she cared for him.

My family is weird, not a lot of love spread around, which is why I probably 'overcompensate' with Son. Yes we bicker, yes I can't talk to him in the mornings but to be able to make him laugh is the best thing for me.

It's probably inappropriate to say but I hope you have a lovely day.

 

[propita]

It's probably inappropriate to say but I hope you have a lovely day.

Perfectly appropriate, thank you. And enjoy your Mother's Day!

 

[Gaith]

And my sister and brother are both pissed off because it may be that our grandmother died on the same day of the Jewish calendar as our father. I think it may be a day off, depending on the exact time she died, which was near sundown on Thursday, May 5. Which means it was either the same day as Dad or the next day. This matters to my siblings; it doesn’t matter to me because Dad was Dad and always will be special.

Just tell them, in your best Dude voice, that dates are just, like, random numbers, man. That, or your god's being a dick.

 

[K'Ehleyr]

It's probably inappropriate to say but I hope you have a lovely day.

Perfectly appropriate, thank you. And enjoy your Mother's Day!

Thank you propita Our Mother's Day was a month or more ago in the UK, but Son and I did have a great day.
Went for cocktails at a fancy restaurant, then late lunch out and just a really good chat and laugh.

When you're related to someone, and especially when you live with them during the boring day to day things, you sometimes forget that they are human sentient beings too. We had a blast and it really cleared the air and opened up communications again. I really hope this happens for you and your family this Sunday.

BTW the last funeral I went to I wore a black suede skirt, fishnets, the highest heels I could find and feathers in my hair. Marion would have loved it. If there's not a dress code for Bubbie's funeral then maybe you could wear something to show your mood?

 

[KimMH]

I'm sorry to hear of your loss, but I'm glad you will have an opportunity to see your mom and siblings - and if that makes her happier - all the better!

 

[ancientone51]

Sad to hear. Hope you and your family can find the happy in a tough situation.

 

[RJDiogenes]

I had a great grandmother like that. She was quite wealthy and owned a beautiful home with dozens of acres of land in New Hampshire. She broke it all up and sold it to strangers so that her relatives would never get a hold of it. I sure would have loved to have a few acres in New Hampshire....

In any case, regardless of the circumstances, my condolences to you and your family.

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Propita, I feel for you. My grandmother was a horrible woman, mean, bitter, and basically, fucked up in a major way. She did some really horrible things to my mother, me and everyone that knew her.

When she died i felt nothing. Absolutely nothing.

All i can say is that i hope your mother gets some joy out of having all of her children together on Sunday. Please know i am thinking of you and wishing you peace.

 

[scotpens]

. . . I think it’s also really sad that no one is really upset to see her go. What a lousy way to be remembered, you know? No one to cry from missing you. No one. God, what an unhappy life!

That reminds me of what Yogi Berra said: “Always go to people’s funerals; otherwise, they might not come to yours.”

My condolences, even if your grandmother wasn’t a well-liked person. And enjoy the time with your mom and siblings.

 

[Mutai Sho-Rin]

I'll just echo what others have wisely said. Enjoy the time with YOUR mom and sibs. I don't think I'll weep too much when the mother-in-law croaks. She has been manipulative and cantankerous for 35 years and caused my wife no end of grief. Please feel no guilt for being unable to feel much grief.

 

[Peach Wookiee]

I'm sorry your Bubbie was so mean, propita. It's very sad when people push their family members away like that. And now you and your family come together at a time that her life should be celebrated, and instead she's being remembered as a hateful old woman who hurt others. I think that's sad.

Enjoy being with your mom and siblings. Don't feel guilty because Bubbie made her choice. But do feel sad that she chose a very lonely path for herself when she could have had her family loving her all that time.

 

[PKTrekGirl]

Let's just say I know EXACTLY how your mother feels. It really sucks having a mother that is impossible to please and who is incapable of caring about anything except in terms of how it effects HER. I can so relate.

Please remind your mother, if she doesn't have it firmly in her head...that you can't get blood out of a turnip. And her mother was clearly a turnip. Which is by no means your mother's fault.

As for you and your siblings - I hope you have a nice visit together and a nice Mother's Day for your mom!

 

[Amaris]

All my best to you, propita, and I hope something wonderful and positive arises from it all.

 

[O'Dib]

Sad that she made no effort to reconcile with her fam.

And now for my linguistic rant. I think "bubbie" is a Slavic influence on Yiddish, from "baba". Yiddish being so close to German, it would've originally been something like "omama", which is what I call my granny.

 

[Lookingglassman]

Dang! She sounded like a hard woman. Well I hope she is resting peacefully and I hope you and everybody in your family will be able to find peace also.

 

[scotpens]

And now for my linguistic rant. I think "bubbie" is a Slavic influence on Yiddish, from "baba". Yiddish being so close to German, it would've originally been something like "omama", which is what I call my granny.

Yiddish is based on German, but it contains words from Russian and other Slavic languages as well as Hebrew. “Bubbie” or “bubbeh” is a shortened form of babushka, itself a diminutive of the Russian baba, meaning old woman or grandmother.

 

[Bears Discover Fire]

This will be the first Mother’s Day in I don’t know how many years that Mom will have all three of her children together. I prefer to emphasize that.

Obviously, not knowing your grandmother outside of your posts here:

At long last, by sheer timing, your grandmother actually *did* contribute something worthwhile. Her death occasioned a reunion of the kind of family you want around, to stand together and say good riddance to the kind you don't.

May you all experience success in moving forward unfettered by a terrible person.