I have an anger problem. As I was growing up I was put down in school, low self-esteem, and constantly being angry at myself for not fighting back. So my anger and temper grew. My anger is sometime easily set off, then again when I get really angry people have said that I ball my fist and literally shake. I have never hit a girl and I never will, they tend to calm me down. I hit walls, doors, or a box full of clothes. I have my own little saftey system, when I am to the point of extreme anger my head will shot pain, which will stop me. but I have tried to calm myself down, and believe I have been successful and calming myself down for the most part, but its still a battle with past demons. Anyone else going or went through this?
Does anybody else have this problem?
- Thread starter KJbushway
- Start date
I'm at peace.
My dad has a short fuse, both because he's impatient, and because he easily takes offense. I'm more like my mum in that I'm more likely to get upset than angry, but that's not very often.
Regarding your anger: Hitting walls, doors, or boxes full of clothes doesn't fix anything. It never will. Fix the situations you can, or accept that you can't. Then move on.
My dad has a short fuse, both because he's impatient, and because he easily takes offense. I'm more like my mum in that I'm more likely to get upset than angry, but that's not very often.
Regarding your anger: Hitting walls, doors, or boxes full of clothes doesn't fix anything. It never will. Fix the situations you can, or accept that you can't. Then move on.
Jadzia said:
Yeah, hit people. They're usually the source of the difficulty.
No, I have a really short fuse, but I've been working on it for about ten years and am... sort of better, I guess?
I have issues with anger as well. I feel quite strongly all the time, but when I'm angry it's like it just takes over me and I'm not even the same person. I'd recommend working with someone to find ways to handle your anger, because you physically hurting yourself isn't a good coping strategy.
I don't have much of an anger problem at all. I would say I get irritated easily by small things, like when people chew loudly, or tap my shoulder, or make other little annoying sounds, but actual anger isn't something I experience often. I know some people who get really angry at the smallest stuff, like someone cutting them off in traffic or accidentally breaking a cup. They start cussing and yelling, at no one in particular, and for no good reason really. I'm definitely not like that. The only times I can remember getting really upset like that is when people have betrayed me or done something else really hurtful, and even then it is more sadness than anger.
No I don't hit myself in the head.
Whenever I get really angry my head starts hurting on its own, I never trained it to do that.
Can I also ask what do you mean by "no fuse"? When I first read it I thought that meant much the same as "at peace", but now I think about it, no fuse is shorter than a short fuse, which is the opposite.
Well short fuse means that you get irriated after a little bit.
No fuse means anything sets you off. Uncontrolable anger.
I know what you mean. I have a similar issue and it stems from people not really listening to me or giving me a chance to hear my opinions. My Mom is especially guilty with this, although she's unknowingly doing it. She'll often not listen to me and then put words in my mouth to complete what I'm saying, which really frustrates me.
So what about boys? Are they accorded the same respect as girls or do they fall into the "walls and doors" category?
As for the question, I sympathise, KJbushway, because I too feel great amounts of anger. Most of the time other people don't have to deal with it (for which I'm very grateful), because I'm not an aggressive person and I'm not angry at them, it's a general anger due to past experiences. And I can't stand imposing on people. So it just sloshes around under the surface without any focal point. I'm just not equipped to deal with anger, because it's anathema to me to project it aggressively. Sometimes, of course, certain triggers set me off and I explode into waving-arms-around frothing hysteria (and then I feel deeply ashamed and run away). But most of the time my anger is completely disassociated from my experience in the moment. It's more like a parasite than an actual part of me, or so it feels.
I've posted before about my intense dislike of anger - if I could remove it from my emotional range and never feel it again, I'd do so in a heartbeat. Horrible emotion, and it serves me no purpose other than to potentially hurt people (screaming at them, etc).
So I really do sympathise.
I suffer with social anxiety among other issues and i get frustrated with myself since everything i do seems to be mediocre or some flaw. Im almost(1month) 21 and have not even had a job yet due to SAD. The frustration builds up over weeks until there is some trigger event(even a small one) where is just blow it all up. It usually involves alot of yelling and hitting soft things. Last week i was driving to another campus of my college to talk to another administrator about something. I wanted to be 30 minutes early but i got horrendously lost due to some botched google directions. I got really upset (and blew a top) and yelled and was striking the steering well. I eventually stumbled onto the campus and got to the office at exactly the appointment time, though i had a raspy voice. It only gets really loud when i am alone ie in the car, if there are people in the house or area i am able keep it inside.
I'm at peace. Or that it takes a huge amount of pressure to set me off. And I mean, huge. Haven't gone properly off for at least 6 months, and I feel no need to now.
As for advice, I'd recommend thinking, before you get angry, does the situation really need anger? Can it be sorted otherwise? If it can't be sorted properly, like Jadzia said, move on and accept it. I can control my emotions quite well, though I can slip sometimes. I still show emotion, btw. I'm not a Vulcan or anything.
Also, above all, don't just try and bottle your anger up. That just results in your anger becoming worse when you let it out. Instead, try places to release anger on things other than people, stressballs, punchbags etc. Or just use whatever method you find works to calm yourself down. And try to get rid of areas of stress. Cutting down on that will hopefully help.
As for advice, I'd recommend thinking, before you get angry, does the situation really need anger? Can it be sorted otherwise? If it can't be sorted properly, like Jadzia said, move on and accept it. I can control my emotions quite well, though I can slip sometimes. I still show emotion, btw. I'm not a Vulcan or anything.
Also, above all, don't just try and bottle your anger up. That just results in your anger becoming worse when you let it out. Instead, try places to release anger on things other than people, stressballs, punchbags etc. Or just use whatever method you find works to calm yourself down. And try to get rid of areas of stress. Cutting down on that will hopefully help.
Yes. I think it's important to understand that people with anger problems are not by any means necesarily aggressive or anti-social by nature. Anger isn't something we embrace, quite the opposite.
I mean, most people who know me spend months not even realizing I have an anger problem, because they always see me smiling and polite and never any worse than "slightly grumbly today". Then, eventually, they witness one of my meltdowns and it takes them completely by suprise.
Yes. I think it's important to understand that people with anger problems are not by any means necesarily aggressive or anti-social by nature. Anger isn't something we embrace, quite the opposite.
I mean, most people who know me spend months not even realizing I have an anger problem, because they always see me smiling and polite and never any worse than "slightly grumbly today". Then, eventually, they witness one of my meltdowns and it takes them completely by suprise.
DN, mate. You're normally one of the most eloquent and polite posters on this board, and when you let that slip, it's always a surprise.
Don't worry though, when you've slipped on here, it hasn't been too bad. Compared to most people with an anger problem I've seen, I'd say that your anger problem isn't too bad. Then again, I may not have seen the worst of you.
I have a long fuse. When i was growing up, my parents and my older brother used to have epic shouting matches that anyone within a 500 yard radius could no doubt hear. So when i got older, i refused to get mad that easily. So now it takes a lot for me to actually lose my temper. Now, that's not to say that i don't get mad; i do, and sometimes, quite easily, but it's controlled and i don't lose my temper.
Everybody else around me throughout my life has constantly been miserable. My mother, my sister, my brother, who often lived together under the same roof, would do nothing but argue for days on end over something stupid like who ate the last of the ice cream and it would piss me off to no end. My anger tends to really build up until it's about to explode, and then I let it all off somehow. And then the cycle would begin again. It got pretty bad sometimes.
Yes. I think it's important to understand that people with anger problems are not by any means necesarily aggressive or anti-social by nature. Anger isn't something we embrace, quite the opposite.
I mean, most people who know me spend months not even realizing I have an anger problem, because they always see me smiling and polite and never any worse than "slightly grumbly today". Then, eventually, they witness one of my meltdowns and it takes them completely by suprise.
DN, mate. You're normally one of the most eloquent and polite posters on this board, and when you let that slip, it's always a surprise.
Don't worry though, when you've slipped on here, it hasn't been too bad. Compared to most people with an anger problem I've seen, I'd say that your anger problem isn't too bad. Then again, I may not have seen the worst of you.
Thanks, Eyes, that's kind of you.
Of course, I'm sure we all fear that one day people will see us "at our worst".
No boys aren't an exemption. They are apart of that past.
That past fear of getting hurt in a fight. fustration becuase when I was younger When ever I was yelled at one damn eye would start sprouting tears, yet the left eye was fine. Afraid of everything, pain, crying, looking like I am crying becuase when I get angry my eyes get red like I am crying though I am not. I grew up, my pain tolerance has increased, and I got into a fight were anger wasn't the issue and lost. My first fight was when this kid kept pushing me into the wall and like usual I just let it happen becuase of fear, then my temper took hold of me and before I knew it my hand was hurting and he was on the ground with a red eye. I didn't even know what happened, my anger took control and I laid him out. But even that happening I still had fear and it controlled my life. I eventaully learned to bottle up all that sad, anger, fustration. Its like a monster with rusting chains, just waiting to be let out. That is what I fear most now, what will happen when those chains snap.
I'm a pretty chilled out guy. I used to fly off the handle a lot, but I discovered over time that there's really almost nothing that I encounter in my day-to-day life that's worth that kind of response.
Sure, I guess I get angry as much as the next guy, but it just sort of goes away if I remain calm. Logic is your friend in these instances. Thinking about a problem might go a long way to solving it. Blowing the fuck up almost never does.
Sure, I guess I get angry as much as the next guy, but it just sort of goes away if I remain calm. Logic is your friend in these instances. Thinking about a problem might go a long way to solving it. Blowing the fuck up almost never does.
Well, I think you should be proud of your strength, having worked so hard to contain your rage and frustration after apparently suffering so much provocation.
The sad thing is that an aggressive response is what a lot of people want. One thing I discovered is that my innate non-aggression seemed to bother people. Which is part of why they were so cruelly provocative to me.
I always say, truthfully, that I'm not inclined to violence. I've only been violent once, when I was 12, and in a situation much as you describe - I finally snapped when another boy my age, who made a habit of tormenting me daily, just went too far. So I turned on him and pummelled him for about five seconds of frenzied attack. After that he never bothered me again. As a strong pacifist, this disturbs me. I was crying openly for having attacked him, and I could see his genuine shock that I wasn't worried about getting in trouble or such but was hating myself for having hurt him. I like to think it was that which made him leave me alone after this, but sadly I'm probably kidding myself. Still, violence and aggression is what they want. They hate the non-aggressive, and the idea is to torment them until they "change their ways" and fall back into people's comfort zone; or so I theorize.
I suppose it's up to the individual - if you're comfortable with anger or aggression when provoked, that's okay (I guess), but if you are disturbed by such responses, you mustn't let others try to provoke you into demonstrating them.
Attacking that other boy is still the most shameful moment of my life, personally.
Again, I like to think I can understand where you're coming from. Apologies if it seems I don't.
