DS9 Caption Contest #26: Look Closely...

[LeadHead]

Good evening Captioners! It's been 2 weeks of great entries but lets see what Vreenak has here...

Okay, and starting things off, the "Worst Orb Ever" Award goes to:

Bashir: "My God! He's slipped into some sort unconscious state!"
Worf: "I warned him not to look into the Orb of Narcolepsy."

Next, the "Invasion of Privacy" Award goes to:

Odo: "Wait, your first kiss was Morn!?" {Snicker} "I can't believe I waited this long to seize your diary as police evidence!"

Next, the "Drivers Ed" Award goes to:

Sisko: THE ACCELERATOR IS STUCK!
Dukat: YOU'RE PRESSING THE WRONG PEDAL!

Next, the "Once was enough" Award goes to:

Leeta: "We're going to Risa... again."

Worf: "Please kill me now..."

Next, the "Our Man Bashir" Award goes to:

Chief Medical Officer's Log: After traversing the Badlands, I offer my medical diagnosis of the crew as follows:

Shaken...not stirred.

("James Bond Theme" plays....)

In lieu of a Photoshop award I'd like to give a special shout out award to this one and I hope the gag makes a return appearance when the time is right.

Bashir: "Incredible! You've caused everybody in the entire solar system to fall asleep simply by mentioning the word 'honor'."

Kira: (comm) "We have you surrounded. Power down your engines and prepare to be boarded."
Bashir-Changeling: "I don't think so, Major. Computer, play Recording Omega."
Worf: (recording) "Honor."
Kira: (comm) "Zzzzzzzz"
Bashir-Changeling: "Heh-heh-heh..."

BASHIR: Nope, even asleep his Badass levels are off the scale.

Congrats to all of our contestants and winners!

Let's get started

 

[LeadHead]

O'Brien: If you're trying to wink, I think you're using the wrong eye.

Kira: Ah-ha! There's the rattlesnake!

Bashir: You've got 3 broken ribs and you're pregnant.

Sisko: So then I said to your mom: Enterprise sounds like a weird ship to serve on, lets go to the Saratoga instead.

Computer: Warning! Lens Flare activity imminent!

 

[Admiral Shran]

Martok: So, you were helping Kira out of the shower?
O'Brien: Well, the floor can get slippery.
Martok: Did you look?
O'Brien: No. You see, we are adults.
Martok: I would have looked.

Bashir: What the heck is this?
Worf: Not everyone keeps their genitals in the same place, Doctor.

Sisko: And then we'll serve her the beets.
Jake: Again with the beets. Enough with the beets.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Worf: "Let me go, I'll tear him apart!"
Bashir: "But he's holding a thermal detonator!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

MARTOK: Look me in the eye and say that, human!

OBRIEN: ahhhhh

MARTOK: The good eye asshole!!!!!

DAX: Yes. Klingon mating is not for the squeamish.

BASHIR: Now are you convinced there isn't a hot chick in a metal bikini under that helmet?

SISKO: And then you say "Atsa one spicey meatball".

OBRIEN: Tell the Captain that Robau is here.

 

[Captain Crow]

O'Brien: Quit lighting your farts Carl.

 

[AdmiralGarak]

Bashir: You've got 3 broken ribs and you're pregnant.

Worf: "Impossible! My ribs are only bruised!"

Martok: So, you were helping Kira out of the shower?
O'Brien: Well, the floor can get slippery.
Martok: Did you look?
O'Brien: No. You see, we are adults.
Martok: I would have looked.

O'Brien: "Well, I wouldn't have. That's what the holo-cam was for. Wanna see the pictures?"

 

[CorporalCaptain]

O'Brien: Thanks, Martok! But how do I keep Keiko from finding this?

Martok: Just keep it in your workshop. That's the beauty of Klingon bloodwine: it scans as battery acid!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Martok: "You must be either a fool or a very brave man to risk suggesting a 3-D movie to a one-eyed Klingon D'Har master!"

Sisko: "Oh, really! So you've discovered it's a Bajoran tradition for a father to take his son to a topless bar on his fifteenth birthday, eh? Well, guess what, hot-shot! We ain't Bajoran!"

Technician: "The EPS conduits seem to be running a little hot."
O'Brien (rolls eyes): "Gee, ya think?!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

TECH: I'm gonna try peeing on it.

OBRIEN: Don't, it could fry the whole system!!!!

TECH: Too late.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Ten minutes into the lecture, Jake couldn't figure out how to tell his dad what when he and Nog were talking about getting a "home run" with the Bajoran girls, they weren't talking baseball...

 

[AdmiralGarak]

Martok: "Last night's holosuite adventure was fantastic, Chief! My favorite part was where I took command from that weakling Leonidas and routed the Persians at the pass! Shall we lead our troops from the mighty Alamo in glorious conquest of Mexico tonight, Chief?"
O'Brien: "Er... about that..."

The crew went to great lengths to avoid Kai Winn's visits.

Jake: "When will I be old enough to go out on a date, dad?"
Sisko: "When you're old enough to stop wearing your PJs on the Promenade, Jake-o."

 

[Nerys Ghemor]

Jake: "When will I be old enough to go out on a date, dad?"
Sisko: "When you're old enough to stop wearing your PJs on the Promenade, Jake-o."

Jake: But you're wearing YOUR PJs and calling them a uniform!

 

[CorporalCaptain]

Ben: But most importantly, use protection! Although Doctor Bashir can cure most STD's, there's still NRS and UBT to worry about. And let's not forget pregnency, one of the most serious consequences of all!

Jake: Uh, dad, I already know this stuff! When I said I wanted to talk about baseball, I meant, you know, baseball.

 

[ToMaHaKeR]

O'Brien: ''Commander, a huge lens flare is forming here! A rift in time is opening! I'm also reading that some parts of the station are morphing to industrial look...''
Sisko: ''No! Not that timeline! I will not allow this space station to run on beer tanks! Prevent it with your very life, and beyond!''

 

[CorporalCaptain]

Bashir: Don't worry, Worf. There'll be other chances to play the role of Aktuh.

Worf: Not when the High Council, Houses Minor, and Regional Governors are all seated together in the shadow of the Castle Aargh on the Eve of Batlh jaj!

Bashir: Then, what about a slightly smaller venue, maybe?

Casting Director (O.C.): Next!

 

[Isis]

Martok (whispering): "Always remember to check yourself after you have the vegetable quiche. You have a floret of broccoli stuck next to your left cuspid."

Bashir: "A little cold today, are we?"

 

[Mistral]

Bashir: "Well, you seem to be in pretty good shape. A few bruised ribs, a sprained wrist and a hole in your head the size of a grapefruit."

Worf: 'So no vital organs were damaged?"

Bashir: "That is correct."

 

[LeadHead]

O'Brien: I'm sorry Captain, but you timed that wrong, Ensign Johnson wasn't injured.

Sisko: Damnit!

 

[Bob Karo]

Obrien adds keyboard player to his list of "Shit I Can't Do."