TOS Caption Contest #217: The Great Outdoors

[Rat Boy]

Put down the cup, because it's time for another caption contest. First, let's get a posse together to congratulate...

Man, imagine how he'd feel if the check engine light came on...

Kirk: ''Red alert! Mr. Sulu, prepare to fire phasers! Mr. Sulu?''
Sulu: ''But captain... The red light in the middle doesn't glow. There's an enemy vessel, and it doesn't glow! WHY it doesn't glow?! Oh captain, I thought we were SAFE on this starship, but NO! OH GOD, I DON'T WANNA DIE YOUNG...''

There's no problem that a little glue can't solve...

KIRK: Gluing Mr. Hengist's head to the table was quick thinking, Scotty. You may have saved us all!

SCOTTY: Aye, and ye know, that not be all I glued...

SPOCK: You don't mean...

YEOMAN: Yep, my ass to the table.

JARIS: (pulling on hands) Bastard!

Even if he's not around, we're all thinking of him...

Kirk: "So if you're not Marshall Dillon, then who are you, Festus?"

Man on the left: "You're referring to just plain Festus rather than Cloud Festus, right?"

Kirk: "Yes, I meant just plain Festus."

Man on the left: "Nope, never heard of the guy."

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who don't Photoshop and those who win. You win...

I'll make one more attempt to get through to you mister,
my name is not Clanton, it Eastwood, Clint Eastwood!

Congratulations to the winners. This week, the landing party beams down to Hill Valley circa 1955, Scotty tries to maintain a healthy lead ahead of the redshirts, and Yarnek brings in his group of ringers. Enjoy:

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Analysis Spock?"

Spock: "Readings fluctuating, Captain. It would appear we have beamed into a Joey-centric episode."

Scotty: "Lads, watch out for that..."

*redshirts fall into a pit*

Scotty: "...trap."

Yarnek: "West Siiiiiiiiiide!"

 

[Smellincoffee]

Kirk: Well, Spock?
Spock: I believe we have successfully navigated our way out of both the Bloods' and the Crips' territory.
Kirk: Good thing, too. Who knew redshirts could be seen as gang colors?

Scotty: Stop following me, you lot! (To Self) I cannae think of anything worse than bein' in such close proximity to so many redshirts!

Evil League of Evil: Now, all we need to do is lure it to a vat of carbonated soda...

 

[jep]

Kirk: "So this, all this, is all actually rock?"

Excalbian: "Yes. "

Kirk: "Wow. Good thing we didn't bring Ensign Sheen down with us."


.

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: We've been invited to Sherriff Taylor's for some of Aunt Bee's home cooking.

 

[Nerys Myk]

RYAN YARNEK: Ladies and gentlemen your Federation Idol Top Four!

 

[LeadHead]

Kirk: Report, Mister Spock.

Spock: Tricorder readings indicate, massive destruction, nothing of redeeming value and odors consistent with illegal narcotics and alchohol.

Kirk: Damnit, another planet devastated by the cast of The Jersey Shore.

Scotty and Redshirts: (singing) We're men! We're Men in Tights! Always on guard defending the people's rights!

Craig Ferguson: And as you can see here, this is what the Secretariat Costume will look like if CBS doesn't spring for Dry Cleaning.

Geoff Petersen: Balls.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Kirk: "Well, Mr. Spock, the reports were no exaggeration. This place has really gone to hell since Fife took over."

Ninety-nine redshirts runnin' around,
Ninety-nine redshirts around,
Take a shot and phaser one down,
Ninety-eight redshirts runnin' around.

Ninety-eight redshirts runnin' around...

Col. Green: "Red Rover, Red Rover! Send - um - Lincoln right over!"

 

[jep]

Kirk: "Sweet, a stone crab!!! Spock, get some butter."


.

 

[Isis]

Spock: "Sir, I hope you've finally learned that when you reserve our rooms through Priceline.com, they might not be in the best of neighborhoods."

 

[jep]

Kirk: "Spock, I notice that we seem to be curiously lacking in sacrificial red shirts."

Spock: "Indeed. Shall I call for a few extras to beam down, sir?"

Kirk: "Exxxxxxxcellent."

McCoy: (Under breath) "I never should have given Jim that DVD box set of "The Simpsons"."

Rand: (Under breath) "Ya think, Einstein?"


.

 

[ItsGreen]

All right lads, just follow my steps through this explosive rock field
and that way no one will get hurt!



(Thanks for the win. When you have to photoshop, photoshop, don't talk! Wahh, wannh, waaaa)

 

[Isis]

The latest publicity photos for Lady Gaga's Monster Ball Tour had just become available.

 

[ItsGreen]

My name is Ben Grimm. Some of these people behind me you may remember
from Marvel Comics history, Doctor Doom, Reed Richards-Mister Fantastic,
Sue Storm-The Invisible Woman, and her brother Johnny, the Human Torch

 

[Gil T.Azell]

in a race to the distant out house
Scotty: "Dam weak Bladder!"

Kirk:(O/S) "Ok everyone avoid the corn on this planet"
Spock:(O/S)" I am in agreement sir"

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Zora: Absolutely disgusting.

Kahless: Completely without honor.

Colonel Green: Who left THAT?

Genghis Khan: That's the last time I go back for seconds on Buffet Night. Stuff looked better going down!

 

[LeadHead]

Kahless: I fought many of these creatures in Arkham Asylum. They are without honor!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Green: We've tried all the interrogation techniques there are. It won't break. It refuses to explain how a rock creature can have claws.

 

[Nerys Myk]

REDSHIRT RON:Slow down sir, you're the only redshirt who can't die! The further you get away from us the more likely it is we're dead!!!!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Yarnek: "Behold, Captain Kirk: A hint of what awaits your future Enterprise!"
Genghis Khan: "Look! I am big and mean...like Worf!"
Colonel Green: "And I have Commander Riker's 'stinknuts' pose!"
Zora: "I have Troi's big hair and revealing costumes!"
Kahless: "And I'm wearing a silly, striped sweater-vest like Wesley!"