DS9 Caption Contest #24: Take a look at this...

[LeadHead]

Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen, we've had two weeks of talking about lovey doveyness and I'm sure we're all ready for a change.

Hey what's that?

Now, lets kick things off with the "Some habits die hard" Award going to:

Sisko: "It says you're wanted for smuggling slices of our wedding cake to the Maquis."
Kasidy: "I can explain..."

Next, we have the "WHOOPS!" Award going to:

O'Brien: "No, that's not good news. Don't you remember I had a vasectomy?"

Next we have the "And I woulda gotten away with it too, if not for you meddling Starfleet Officers!" Award goes to:

While Jadzia did a decent Scooby impression, Martok just couldn't take Worf seriously as Shaggy.

Next, the "It's hard to believe they didn't last" Award goes to:

Bashir: Sarina...I don't feel so...oy--

Sarina: Oh, I told you to let the wine breathe!

Bashir: I...I've got to--

(collapses, unconcious)

Sarina: (thinking) Okay...that's done. Oh, what's this? His schedule. Hmm..."Dinner with Ezri"--delete. Sorry, Julian--you're MINE, whether you like it or not!

And the "Cautionary Tale" Award goes to:

Quark: "This is the last time I use Craigslist to find a date..."

And a new regular Award I'm adding to the mix...

goes to...

Sisko: ''Here, Kassidy... This is the list of my favorite movies. But be careful out there on Cestus III. Do NOT watch the Godzilla if there are any Gorn nearby, they might think we're making fun of their god!''

And now, here we go with a new contest!

 

[LeadHead]

Worf and Dax watched in horror as Odo beat their limbo record.

Ezri: Do you really even need goggles Odo?

Odo: Hey, melon fragments are hard to get out of Changelings!

And at the end of the 3rd Quarter... Kira: 206, Invading Soldiers: 0.

Odo: Yes, I know. Not everybody keeps their genitals in the same place.

Jack: Warp Drive is destroying the universe. We have to tell starfleet!

Patrick: You think they'll do something about it?

Jack: Of course! There's no way they'd just forget about something like that.

 

[Mage]

I can't help but think about one of the funniest LOLCATS ever:

"Thermometer goes WHERE??"

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Ezri os: "Worf, I know that you loved Jadzia and all, but that is just creepy. And it's beginning to reek."

Kira: "Kira to Defiant. No trace of Robau, but his awesomeness has definitely been here."

 

[ToMaHaKeR]

(Cardassian is going to throw up)
Odo: ''I told you like hundred times, but you simply had to do it... NEVER eat Sisko's paprikash, it would be a challenge even for Morn's stomach!''

Jadzia: ''What the hell is Quark doing over there?''
Worf: ''It appears... THAT HE'S TRYING TO SELL MY BAT'LETH FOR 50 CRATES OF GOLD-PRESSED LATINUM! JUST 50!''

 

[Captain Crow]

Odo: Before we use any power tools, let's take a moment to talk about shop safety. Be sure to read, understand, and follow all the safety rules that come with your power tools. Knowing how to use your power tools properly will greatly reduce the risk of personal injury. And remember this: there is no more important safety rule than to wear these [points to his safety glasses] safety glasses.

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Kira: "Never fuck with a PMS'ing Bajoran".

Odo: "You're right I'm not the Dr, Now cough"

 

[Nerys Ghemor]

Odo: "You're right I'm not the Dr, Now cough"

Somehow I find this poetic justice, for an Obsidian Order agent.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Odo: Oh, I see. Yes, it appears perfectly three-dimensional! Such depth! Impressive.
Dax: Odo, that's an actual melon. The goggles are the new standard safety equipment for working in any Starfleet lab.
Odo: The goggles...do nothing?

Worf: Now?
Dax: No. His legs are still crossed. And he's glaring at the door. Trust me. You don't want to go into Sisko's office and ask for a raise at a time like this.
Worf: He has been like this for days.
Dax: You should've seen him when Kasidy was caught running cargo for the Maquis.

Jack: Between the disasterous attacks by the Collective and the losing war against the Dominion, I'd say these Terrans are in a desperate bind. The alliance with the Drengins may delay the inevitable, but all told this is the worst-played game of Galatic Civ I've ever seen.
Bashir, off-screen: That's a model representing Starfleet's strategic and tactical situation, actually. But thanks for the cheery words.

 

[Nerys Myk]

ODO: We're ready. Send in Mr Gallagher.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Worf: "It is him! It's Tom Cruise! Gee...I thought he'd be a lot taller..."

 

[Captain Crow]

Jack: Do you think you've made it clear where we are on this map?

Patric: Do you think it needs more arrows?

 

[LeadHead]

Patrick: The universe will collapse in on itself. It's like the warp bubble from "Remember Me!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

DAX: Ex-wife? I thought you said she was dead!

 

[Rush Limborg]

Thanks for the win!

Okay...let's do this:

Jadzia: Woah. Looks pretty rough out there...why don't you go and check it out?

Worf: I do not see why I should go--

Jadzia: Worf, I'm not in the mood. Besides, I overheard the writers say something about killing me off.

Worf: Random ideas. Pay them no mind.

Jadzia: Yeah, well, until I'm sure, I'm just lying low. It's not my time yet.

Worf: Not mine, either.

Ezri: I don't get it...why the melon?

Odo: Counselor...I'm telling you, it's a changeling! It's just frightened and shy....

Ezri: And the goggles...

Odo: Magnifying goggles--so we can see the morph effects! See--right there! Did you see that?

Ezri: (sigh) Odo...when was the last time you regenerated?

Odo: Last week. Why?

Ezri: (sigh) Odo...I really think--

Odo: SEE--RIGHT THERE!!!

Ezri: Odo...take a nap.

Kira: WHO'S NEXT???



(Okay--next is a Casino Royale reference, just so you know....)

Odo: You know...I've never been one for all these "elaborate" tortures.... It's the simplest thing...to cause more pain than a man can possible enjoy-- (crunch!)

O.O. Agent: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!

Odo: ...And of course...it's not only the physical pain--but the knowledge...that if you don't tell me what I need to know soon enough, there'll be nothing left to identify you as a--

O.O. Agent: NO--I'LL TALK!!! I'LL TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLK!!!

Odo: Hmph! "Humane interrogations"....

Patrick: Ah...Jack, one thing I don't understand--

Jack: Hmm--what?

Patrick: If...the universe has been expanding since the Big Bang...how is it going to collapse in the first place?

Jack: OH, so you're one of them, now, hmm? Hmm? Hmm?

Patrick: What--?

Jack: What, are you a DENIER?

Patrick: Ah, I don't under--

Jack: See? They've gotten to you! They've gotten to you--and you're a DENIER! We're trying to save the universe, here--and you're in with those special interests, hmm--hmm--hmm? We need to SAVE THE UNIVERSE, and you're too busy, lining your POCKETS!

Patrick: I don't have pockets.

Jack: STILL!!!

 

[Nerys Myk]

PATRICK: James Franco? What are you doing here?

JAMES FRANCO: Dude, I'm everywhere.

 

[AdmiralGarak]

Vreenak reviews the latest in Romulan proctology tools.

Worf: "That Beeblebrox guy is so full of himself. We'll show him."

Odo: "Morn needs us to sit on his egg while he's visiting his mom."

Day three of Dax and Worf's wedding.

Jack: "And so, if we can just harness the ability to shrink thirteen galaxies to the size of photon torpedoes and then use the Federation fleet to fire them into the heart of the Cardassian sun we can effectively defeat the Dominion."
Patrick: "...What?"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Ezri: "But...you're a shapeshifter. You don't really have 'real' eyes. Why do you need to wear safety goggles?"
Odo: "Maybe these aren't 'real' goggles."
Ezri: "Duuuude, stop messin' with my head!"

 

[Mistral]

Ezri: "Wha-what is it?"

Odo: "Looks like Quark laid another egg. When Ferengis botch a joke, they refer to is as "laying an egg" for a reason."

Ezri: "Are you sure?"

Odo: "Have you been to the Trek BBS? They have like a thousand of these things..."

 

[Mistral]

"I peed myself."

"I pooped. Is that bad?"