Should we have a bereavement and health problems forum?

[ancientone51]

Having started a couple of those "...died" threads and posted in many I would say no for this reason; most of those types of threads state fairly clearly in the title or roll over first sentence what they are about.

If this type of thread is a downer for you, don't click on it. I have passed over several until I felt I could deal with them. I may even have missed a couple. But to make me open an other forum to be supportive of my on line family of friends, I don;t spend that much time online. What's next, a "Good News Forum?"

I think Misc. is fine as is.

 

[Nerdius Maximus]

Is this a joke? I honestly can't tell.

It's my fault. My thread about my grandmother pushed the OP over the edge. He could have ignored it, but I came to his house and held his hand down on the mouse and forced him to click on it. That was wrong of me.

 

[Nardpuncher]

I don't see it as a downer, but a different tone.

I think it would be more appropriate, and considerate,as we wouldn't have a "Someone I Love Died" thread and an "I've Never Really Found Love" thread with a "What Did You Eat For Lunch?" thread between the two with a "Check Out My Dog!" after them.

 

[Nerdius Maximus]

Having started a couple of those "...died" threads and posted in many I would say no for this reason; most of those types of threads state fairly clearly in the title or roll over first sentence what they are about.

Thread title:
Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows!

Thread content:
...Is what my parents are seeing now in Heaven. They were killed in a car accident yesterday.

 

[Locutus of Bored]

Is this a joke? I honestly can't tell.

It's my fault. My thread about my grandmother pushed the OP over the edge. He could have ignored it, but I came to his house and held his hand down on the mouse and forced him to click on it. That was wrong of me.

I don't think An Officer intended to single out your thread for any special attention. I think she just wanted to make a general commentary on the tone of many threads in Miscellaneous and whether they warranted a separate forum or sub-forum.

That being said, I don't really think it's necessary to have a separate area for them. Threads dealing with grieving, depression, dating or health issues are usually pretty clearly marked for anyone who might want to avoid them for whatever reason. Yes, Miscellaneous can tend to get pretty emo sometimes (not the grieving threads, but the "I'm so lonely" ones), but that all fits under the premise of the forum.

 

[Nerdius Maximus]

Is this a joke? I honestly can't tell.

It's my fault. My thread about my grandmother pushed the OP over the edge. He could have ignored it, but I came to his house and held his hand down on the mouse and forced him to click on it. That was wrong of me.

I don't think An Officer intended to single out your thread for any special attention. I think she just wanted to make a general commentary on the tone of many threads in Miscellaneous and whether they warranted a separate forum or sub-forum.

That being said, I don't really think it's necessary to have a separate area for them. Threads dealing with grieving, depression, dating or health issues are usually pretty clearly marked for anyone who might want to avoid them for whatever reason. Yes, Miscellaneous can tend to get pretty emo sometimes, but that all fits under the premise of the forum.

Well, this thread popped up soon after mine. Just sayin'.

 

[Nardpuncher]

Is this a joke? I honestly can't tell.

Yes, you can.

 

[An Officer]

It's my fault. My thread about my grandmother pushed the OP over the edge. He could have ignored it, but I came to his house and held his hand down on the mouse and forced him to click on it. That was wrong of me.

Nope, it's not all about you. I think this sort of thing became more prevalent about a year or more ago, long before your grandmother passed. My condolences, by the way.

I remember lots of people began jumping on this band-wagon just after we had a poster seriously ill in hospital, who was posting directly from his hospital bed on his iphone (he had a 3 part name which sort of rhymed, and was from the UK iirc). It became a multiple page, epic thread, and most Misc regulars became very involved in his progress. I do think it opened the door for many who were crying out for such sustained attention and sympathy, and it hasn't stopped since, reaching over-saturation point now.

The newer posters are simply following the more recent generally melancholy vibe of the place, and do not know it was not always such.

In fact, it's gotten worse... the place has more in common with a serious illness/obituaries section than a sci-fi miscellanies message board.

 

[Nerdius Maximus]

It's my fault. My thread about my grandmother pushed the OP over the edge. He could have ignored it, but I came to his house and held his hand down on the mouse and forced him to click on it. That was wrong of me.

Nope, it's not all about you. I think this sort of thing became more prevalent about a year or more ago, long before your grandmother passed. My condolences, by the way.

I remember lots of people began jumping on this band-wagon just after we had a poster seriously ill in hospital, who was posting directly from his hospital bed on his iphone (he had a 3 part name which sort of rhymed, and was from the UK iirc). It became a multiple page, epic thread, and most Misc regulars became very involved in his progress. I do think it opened the door for many who were crying out for such sustained attention and sympathy, and it hasn't stopped since, reaching over-saturation point now.

The newer posters are simply following the more recent generally melancholy vibe of the place, and do not know it was not always such.

In fact, it's gotten worse... the place has more in common with a serious illness/obituaries section than a sci-fi miscellanies message board.

I don't know what to tell you. People are going to post what's on their minds. That's what I happened to be thinking about at that particular time, so I said something about it.

 

[Spot's Meow]

I can't say I am getting this "downer vibe" that you are talking about. I honestly haven't noticed a difference in the mood of Misc. in the time frame that you are speaking of. I have noticed thread titles stating that someone has died, but if I don't feel like reading it, I just don't click on it. And there have always been tons of threads in Misc. about people's various issues, from dating to anxiety to health concerns. It's really not anything new and those threads are quite easy to avoid if you aren't in the mood for them. I'm really not seeing a problem here. Having just come out of the Christmas countdown and procrastination threads, Misc. seems like a pretty upbeat and humorous place to me. It's what you make out of it that will define its mood to you - if you click mostly on the depressing threads, then obviously it's going to seem like a depressing place.

 

[sidious618]

Is this a joke? I honestly can't tell.

It's my fault. My thread about my grandmother pushed the OP over the edge. He could have ignored it, but I came to his house and held his hand down on the mouse and forced him to click on it. That was wrong of me.

Sorry to hear about your grandmother, bro.

I remember lots of people began jumping on this band-wagon just after we had a poster seriously ill in hospital, who was posting directly from his hospital bed on his iphone (he had a 3 part name which sort of rhymed, and was from the UK iirc). It became a multiple page, epic thread, and most Misc regulars became very involved in his progress. I do think it opened the door for many who were crying out for such sustained attention and sympathy, and it hasn't stopped since, reaching over-saturation point now.

The newer posters are simply following the more recent generally melancholy vibe of the place, and do not know it was not always such.

In fact, it's gotten worse... the place has more in common with a serious illness/obituaries section than a sci-fi miscellanies message board.

You have got to be kidding me. I read this board everyday and I don't sign off in tears (and when I do it's for other reasons entirely!). If a message board is affecting you that much then it's you that needs to change, not this board. Yes, this place gets really emo sometimes but you do have the capability of not clicking on such threads.

 

[RJDiogenes]

I don't think a separate Bereavement and Health Problems Forum is a good idea. We have a lot of nice people in Misc and when somebody suffers a tragedy or a problem, there is always an outpouring of sympathy and support-- but a separate Forum would be a quiet, lonely place. A handful of people would check in from time to time, like old timers reading the obituaries, but most people wouldn't even think of it. This is the place where people come, where they hang out and share their thoughts and experiences, where they talk about their lives, both the good parts and the bad parts. We don't want to send the members of our community off into a corner alone when they need us the most.

 

[An Officer]

^ So sweet. You are my new favourite agony uncle.

 

[Captain Shaw]

It's my fault. My thread about my grandmother pushed the OP over the edge. He could have ignored it, but I came to his house and held his hand down on the mouse and forced him to click on it. That was wrong of me.

Nope, it's not all about you. I think this sort of thing became more prevalent about a year or more ago, long before your grandmother passed. My condolences, by the way.

I remember lots of people began jumping on this band-wagon just after we had a poster seriously ill in hospital, who was posting directly from his hospital bed on his iphone (he had a 3 part name which sort of rhymed, and was from the UK iirc). It became a multiple page, epic thread, and most Misc regulars became very involved in his progress. I do think it opened the door for many who were crying out for such sustained attention and sympathy, and it hasn't stopped since, reaching over-saturation point now.

The newer posters are simply following the more recent generally melancholy vibe of the place, and do not know it was not always such.

In fact, it's gotten worse... the place has more in common with a serious illness/obituaries section than a sci-fi miscellanies message board.

I think the poster your talking about is Bob the skutter.

 

[M'Sharak]

It's my fault. My thread about my grandmother pushed the OP over the edge. He could have ignored it, but I came to his house and held his hand down on the mouse and forced him to click on it. That was wrong of me.

Nope, it's not all about you. I think this sort of thing became more prevalent about a year or more ago, long before your grandmother passed. My condolences, by the way.

I remember lots of people began jumping on this band-wagon just after we had a poster seriously ill in hospital, who was posting directly from his hospital bed on his iphone (he had a 3 part name which sort of rhymed, and was from the UK iirc). It became a multiple page, epic thread, and most Misc regulars became very involved in his progress. I do think it opened the door for many who were crying out for such sustained attention and sympathy, and it hasn't stopped since, reaching over-saturation point now.

The newer posters are simply following the more recent generally melancholy vibe of the place, and do not know it was not always such.

In fact, it's gotten worse... the place has more in common with a serious illness/obituaries section than a sci-fi miscellanies message board.

I think the poster your talking about is Bob the skutter.

I'm pretty sure you're right about that.

 

[K'Ehleyr]

I do understand people need support and advice from their online friends, but should we create a place for this?

That way, when you click into particular threads, you'll know what to expect. It would be a mercy to those of us who are easily upset, or feeling fragile themselves at the moment.

Also, it might encourage others who need support and encouragement to post there, others who right now might feel this is not the appropriate place.

It's difficult times for everybody at the moment, that's for sure. Having said that, if we all posted about deaths and health concerns, the mood would sink pretty fast. There is an exodus of people from MISC anyway, should we encourage this further by having MISC become the tragedy forum?

I read a lot of threads and sometimes leave the place pretty low and saddened by all the suffering faced by fellow posters. Surely that should not be the job if MISC. I know what it's like to go through trials and tribulations, but I come to this place to forget about that!

Right now, my very elderly maternal grandfather has been hospitalised, and may not come out alive, however, I have resisted sharing this blow by blow with you all because a lot of you are probably going through the same things, if not now, than sooner or later, these are the type of issues no one is safe from. Yet, I would rather lift you up if I can than bring you down. If there were an appropriate forum however, where people log in specifically because they feel ready to share/hear such things, I would not hesitate to post.

Something needs to be done, it's becoming a little over-whelming. Am I alone in this?

I think An Officer is right.
This is a close and caring board but on occasion the bad news overwhelms the good ~ the fun and sillyness that is Misc.
It is a good point that if there was a seperate forum it may well encourage others to posts problems and find an appropriate sympathetic/empathic ear.
And if you are feeling low in yourself ~ it does bring you down.

Speaking just as a poster, I agree with you. I think creating a separate "quiet place" for people to share and discuss personal issues is a good idea.

Like you say, it can get over-whelming in Misc if you're just looking for a bit of idle fun to pass the time, but at the moment where else are people to post these threads? (Well, there's the lounges - and I'd have no problem with them posted there, but not everyone uses the lounges).

I think it would be easier for people to post if they knew they were getting an interested audience or no audience at all - better that than several replies of people rolling their eyes and complaining.

I love the idea of a 'quiet place' and exactly for the reasons TD explains.

I don't see it as a downer, but a different tone.

I think it would be more appropriate, and considerate,as we wouldn't have a "Someone I Love Died" thread and an "I've Never Really Found Love" thread with a "What Did You Eat For Lunch?" thread between the two with a "Check Out My Dog!" after them.

Yep!

Bring back sillyness, absurdity, frivolity and laughter to Misc
That's to get you started...

 

[An Officer]

I think the poster your talking about is Bob the skutter.

I'm pretty sure you're right about that.

Yes, that's right! Couldn't remember the exact handle, probably because I haven't seen him post for so long. Perhaps he switched handles? I do hope he's alright.

Bring back sillyness, absurdity, frivolity and laughter to Misc
That's to get you started...

God knows we need some of that.

 

[PKTrekGirl]

I don't think a separate Bereavement and Health Problems Forum is a good idea. We have a lot of nice people in Misc and when somebody suffers a tragedy or a problem, there is always an outpouring of sympathy and support-- but a separate Forum would be a quiet, lonely place. A handful of people would check in from time to time, like old timers reading the obituaries, but most people wouldn't even think of it. This is the place where people come, where they hang out and share their thoughts and experiences, where they talk about their lives, both the good parts and the bad parts. We don't want to send the members of our community off into a corner alone when they need us the most.

While I agree with you generally speaking, in terms of leaving Misc the way it is because such a forum might be overlooked or avoided...I wouldn't say that *everyone* in here was nice when others are clearly in pain.

Some people (most people) are very understanding and recognize a soul in need of support, and act accordingly. But frankly, there are a couple of folks in here who quite often act like insensitive jerks in the face of other people's pain, and have been very hurtful and mean.

Maybe the solution is to leave Misc the way it is...but with the understanding that not every post that is made in here is inviting of a smart-ass, smarmy response if another poster 'feels like it' or is intent upon impressing 'the cool kids' with his 'clever' verbal beat-down of a weaker kid. And that if they can't say something nice, in some instances it is just better to say nothing at all.

 

[Nardpuncher]

Some people (most people) are very understanding and recognize a soul in need of support, and act accordingly. But frankly, there are a couple of folks in here who quite often act like insensitive jerks in the face of other people's pain, and have been very hurtful and mean.

I hear you.
Those would be the fools that act like they're in TNZ when they are in other threads. Little Angry Nerds.

 

[trampledamage]

Yes, that's right! Couldn't remember the exact handle, probably because I haven't seen him post for so long. Perhaps he switched handles? I do hope he's alright.

He is still here, just posts mainly down in TNZ these days - he's part of the British contingent bringing humour to TNZ