Movie Caption Contest #169: Failure to Communicate

[Rat Boy]

I never saw the sun shining so bright, but who cares, because it's time for another caption contest. Let's duck out of the way of...

Not quite the Aristocrats, but I imagine the set-up is slightly similar...

DATA:"....To which Little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking."

Ordinarily, the old married couple doesn't start acting like an old married couple in the middle of the honeymoon...

Troi: "Come to bed Will, I've got a surprise for you."
Riker: "Not after all these years you haven't."

He's going out there. I wouldn't...

Picard: Dim the lights.
Data: Dimming the lights.
Picard: Go to infrared.
Data: Going to infrared.
Picard: Pray to God.
Data: Praying to God.

And have you noticed how our Photoshops are brightening up?

RIKER: "Is it just me, or do your boobs look bigger than they did a couple of years ago?"

Smiling, Deanna begins to bounce up and down.

Riker: "I'm sorry, what was I saying?"

Congratulations to the winners. This week, we have Admiral Kirk dealing with spaceport security, Commander Branch dealing with AT&T's lousy reception in the Epsilon Sector, and the crew realizing what the front end of V'Ger's spacecraft reminds them of. Enjoy:

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Why are the Enterprise's transporters not functioning?"

Scotty: "Well, er, just a wee issue."

Kirk: "You pooped in the pattern buffer again, didn't you?"

*awkward pause*

Scotty: "Aye."

Sulu: "This wouldn't be happening if we had the new Quatron from..."

All: "SHUT UP, SULU!"

Uhura: "It could hold...tens of thousands."

McCoy: "Yeah, but it gets shitty gas mileage."

 

[Itisnotlogical]

Kirk (os): This is the weapon that we believe destroyed those three Klingon ships.

Kirk (os, continued): This is a computer simulation of the event. Were we to witness this in actuality, we would be fucked.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: When my girlfriend beams up, make sure there's an "accident." I have the perfect patsy to operate the controls.

KIRK: I gotta lay off the LDS.

McCoy's 80s Brit Synth Pop tribute was a hit at the ships talent show.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Scotty: "Aye, sir, it feels just like the old days! True, we're both a little older, a little grayer. And the Enterprise is practically a whole new ship..."
Kirk: "Hey, who's that young lieutenant over there? I'd like to try a little 'palm print identification' on her!"
Scotty: "Then again, some things never change."

 

[T'Girl]

Kirk: "But you're the same

Bele: "No, Lokai is green on the right, I'm purple on the right."

Kirk (facepalm)

.

 

[Isis]

Kirk: "Damn. The transporters are sluggish again."

Scotty: "Need a hand?"

 

[Isis]

McCoy: "Yeoman Rand, are you sure you know what you're doing? Wouldn't it be safer to have my nails done by a professional at a salon?"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Commander Branch: Take on me! Take me on... take on me!

 

[T'Girl]

Bored by the length of the V'Ger cloud entry scene, Uhura's shadow quietly slips off the bridge.

 

[LeadHead]

Kirk: Why aren't the Enterprise transporters operating Mister Scott?

Scotty: Decker assigned Rand to be Transporter Chief.

Kirk: If I'd known that 20 minutes ago, my meeting with Admiral Nogura would have been much easier.

Branch: Enterprise, the cloud is definitly a power field of some kind and it measures...

Kirk: Commander?

Branch: We're getting sensor interference. McCoy is wearing that god awful disco fever outfit.

Uhura: It could hold a crew of tens of thousands.

McCoy: Considering it'll take 20 minutes to fly past it I'd say that's a conservative estimate.

 

[Mistral]

Chekov: "What is it?"

McCoy: "It's a van-load of Cubscouts. They probably came here to get their PSPs back."

Uhura: "But if they take them our pants will fall off!"

 

[milo bloom]

After Starfleet implemented new security procedures for boarding, the unenviable task of the the groin check fell to Scotty:

Scotty: "Aye sir, it's best for both of us if you look away for a moment..."

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Crap, she noticed me staring."

Scotty: "Don't you know the rules, suh? It's like the sun; you get a sense of it, then you look away!"

 

[LeadHead]

Scotty: Admiral we have just spent 8 months redesigning and refitting the Enterprise-

Kirk: It feels almost 10 years longer than that to me.

Branch: Deflectors, Emergency Full! We are under attack!

Kirk: Pause it here, lets see how the Football game is going.

 

[Isis]

Airline passenger: "You can do as many body scans as you want, just don't touch my junk."

 

[LeadHead]

Kirk: I thought I was beaming to Regula One.

Scotty: Sorry Sir, this is the upside down station with all the weird things that fly around outside.

Branch: We are under attack!

Kirk: My god, the Cloud?

Branch: No, one of my people is flying around in a space suit drunk, firing phasers at the hull. We're hopelessly outmatched.

 

[Alrik]

SWEET!! Thanks for the 'Co-Win', Rat Boy!

Computer: "Verified. Kirk, Admiral James T."

Kirk: "What the hell? Scotty, why does the computer sound like Nurse Chapel?"

Scotty: "Lost a bet, sir."

Kirk (os): "Chekov, this picture is terrible. Try adjusting the contrast...or maybe the tint."

McCoy: "Jim, I thought assless chaps were reserved for Captains only. Are you sure assigning them to the entire bridge crew was a good idea?"

Chekov (under his breath): "Must not look down, must NOT look down."

 

[TiberiusMaximus]

Thanks for the win!

Kirk, OS: No!
McCoy: My god, Jim! How could you let Uhura pick the movie for movie night?
Chekov: You knew she'd choose Twilight.
Uhura: Stop complaining. (Turns up volume)
Kirk, OS: Security, please escort Uhura to Airlock 1.

 

[Finn]

McCoy: "Jim, I thought assless chaps were reserved for Captains only. Are you sure assigning them to the entire bridge crew was a good idea?"

Chekov (under his breath): "Must not look down, must NOT look down."

Sulu (OS): *grins*