TOS Caption Contest #200: 200-Gun Salute

[Gary7]

Mallory: "Captain, Lt. Landon refuses to come with me on the survey mission. She's afraid she might break her heels on the rocky terrain."

Landon: "Shhhhhhh--Mallory!"

Kirk: "I keep telling the quartermaster to equip us with treaded boots on these missions; leather soles just don't cut it. Anyway, forget Landon. Just try not to trip on any of those rocks."

 

[jep]

Romulan: "We must drink. This is tranya. I hope --"

Spock: "Tranya? TRANYA?? You DARE insult me with this... this chilled Horta piss?"

Romulan: "I had hoped you would relish it as much as I."

Spock: "Well, you hoped wrong, missy."

.

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Ensign Mallory "Sir I believe this is long lost strain of BC bud"
Spock: "Confirmed Captain, the THC count is quite high."
Kirk: "Ensign, you have some explaining to do on to how you know this, we'll talk later."

Romulan: "It is a mix of Romulan Viagra and roofie, to compensate for the absence of Pon-Farr "

Spock: "Good because that is is about a year away"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Hansen (singing) : "I'd walk a million miles, for one of your smiles, my Maaa-aa-aamy!"
Sulu: "You gotta hand it to Hansen. A real trooper...right to the bitter end."

 

[Deranged Nasat]

In the 2260s, the "Wazzup?!!" meme experienced a comeback.

Romulan Commander: "And then I said to Doreen, "Doreen, dear, if you think those shoulder pads are becoming on a woman your age, you're dafter than I thought". Well, she wasn't too pleased with that, let me tell you, so then I said --"

Spock (eying plate): If I were to simply take another of these...would she notice?

As Kirk quietly nurses a drink, he fails to notice the ominous shadows coming up behind him. Whichever tribbles had to die to make that 'fro, they had friends...

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Kirk: "Chin up, Mr. Arex. We hold our heads high and proud on this ship. I said, chin up, Mr. Arex, all of it!"

Arex: "This bit always sticks down, sir!"

 

[Captain Crow]

Kirk: Hansen, are you under attack?

Hansen: Nope. It's just Mexican food night.

[Hansen grips the table then loudly farts with a flame shooting out his ass]

Hansen: Fuck a duck! That stings!

 

[Gary7]

In the 2260s, the "Wazzup?!!" meme experienced a comeback.

 

[milo bloom]

Kirk: "Hansen! What happened?!"

Hansen: "Somebody was reviewing the old Enterprise NX-01 logs and the video got stuck on a loop during Archer's gazelle speech. We've tried to burn it with fire, but it won't stop. Please have mercy, nuke us from orbit!"

 

[Captain Crow]

Hansen: I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!

Sulu: These new "Play him off, Crispy Keyboard Coot" vids aren't as funny as those old "Play him off, Keybord Cat" ones from the 21st century.

 

[T'Girl]

Uhura: "I've locked on the the alien signal Captain."

Kirk: "Put it on the main viewer, Lieutenant."

McCoy: "My God Jim ... it's hideous!"

 

[Maurice]

KIRK: Who did this to you, Hansen?
HANSEN: It was KHAAAAAAAAAAAN!

SPOCK: All I can tune in on this planet is CBS and I'm afraid...
KIRK: Does that mean--?
O.C. VOICE: Skipper! Skip-perrrrrrr!

SPOCK: What is this?
ROMULAN COMMANDER: "Chateau Chunder", which is an Appelachian controle, specially grown for those keen on regurgitation -- a fine wine which really opens up the sluices at both ends.

KIRK: What's this wine you brought back, Spock.
SPOCK: It's name is... unpronounceable.

 

[Rat Boy]

KIRK: What's this wine you brought back, Spock.
SPOCK: It's name is... unpronounceable.

McCoy: "It's Two-Buck Chuck, Jim. I told you he was a cheap bastard."

 

[Gary7]

Gilligan: "Oh, thank God you're here sir! You're... you've come to rescue us, right?"

 

[Maurice]

Gilligan: "Oh, thank God you're here sir! You're... you're here to rescue us, right?"

SPOCK: CBS... Told you so.



P.S. Epic Photoshop!

 

[Mistral]

Hansen: "My God! We have fires all over the station! You've got to send help!"

Sulu: "We're transporting over fire suppressant modules as we speak!"

Navigator: "Ah, Sulu, the modules? I think they were mislabeled...I believe Starfleet sent us liquid benzene by mistake..."

 

[jep]

Weir: "DO YOU SEE!?!??"


.

 

[Mr. Adventure]

Gilligan: "Oh, thank God you're here sir! You're... you've come to rescue us, right?"

"Listen mister, I don't know what the hell you're trying to tell me, the Skipper has turned into a vampire, what does that even mean?"

 

[Isis]

Spock: "Hmmm...Metamucil. Fascinating."

 

[T'Girl]

Kirk: "Mr. Spock, I thought you said there was no intelligent life on this world."

Spock: "According to my tricorder ... there isn't."