TOS Caption Contest #195: Hands and Jobs

[Rat Boy]

All McCoy's friends look like doctors, but all my friends look like caption contests. Let's have a social occasion with...

You'd think they would have figured out that Kirk had an evil twin with clues like this...

Kirk: Mister Spock, I've been saving this bottle for a special occasion.

Spock: Captain, I am honored.

Kirk: Don't be. The special occasion is you getting the hell out of my quarters!

Some fashions are an acquired taste, but then again some are downright revolting...

McCoy: "You know where I'd like to see that shawl?"

Shaw: "Knotted around my wrists, then tied to your headboard?"

McCoy: "Actual, knotted around your neck, then tied to a ceiling beam, but we can work towards that."

First you had to wonder how tribbles eat, now you have to wonder how they do what they do after they eat...

Kahn: "And who was it that left a flaming sack of tribble poop outside my quarters?"

OS: "Sulu!"

Kirk: "Dammit Chekov, get out from underneath the table!"

In between the tribble poop and the tribble corpses, that must have been one stinky storage compartment. And lastly our Photoshop winner...

ANNOUNCER: James T. Kirk can hear him, even over the sound of how awesome Kirk is.

He is...The Most Interesting Man In the World.

KHAN: I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis.

Stay thirsty, my friends.

Makes you wonder who'd win in a fight: The Most Interesting Man In The World or The Man Your Man Could Smell Like. Well, congratulations to the winners. This week, the Enterprise's ample nacelles are about to get felt up, Kirk realizes that there are Vulcans more boring than Spock, and Krako's dirty little secret gets exposed. Enjoy:

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Dammit, Chekov! Enough with the radioactive shadow puppets!"

Kirk: "Well, now I know they call it bloodwine with good reason."

Spock: "I'm serious."

Krako: "Really? That small?"

Spock: "Yes, that's how much you could be paying if you switched to Geico."

 

[Isis]

Kirk: "This is awful."

Spock (OS): "Really, Captain?"

Kirk: "Yes, really, Spock. From now on, the only Kool-Aid flavor I'll drink is grape."

 

[Rat Boy]

Invisible Villain Mustache Twirl.

 

[jep]

Spock-O: "I want my burger patty this thick, TWO of them, with extra bacon and A1 Sauce on it."

Mel: "Seriously? I thought you guys didn't eat meat?"

Spock-O: "You wanna start cooking, or do you wanna argue with the guys holding the guns, bitch?"

Mel: "Uh... You want those burgers well done or medium?"


.

 

[jep]

"We've secretly replaced the fine Tranja Captain Kirk relishes. In its place we've substitued the chilled urine from a Mother Horta. Let's see if he notices the difference."


.

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Is it just me or does that palm look like a butt?"

 

[ItsGreen]

Sarek ponders whether or not his Vulcan Fools Joke on Kirk was a success.
While the superglue placed in his drink did shut Kirk up, he somehow
managed to glue his own fingers together in the process.

 

[Isis]

Spock (OS): "Sir, you promised you wouldn't start drinking until you were introduced to the Sangrian ambassador."

Kirk: "Damn, you're right, Spock. Please relay my apologies."

Spock (OS): "Sir, I'm not sure that will be possible. That drink you're wolfing down is the ambassador."

 

[Itisnotlogical]

Angry oldTrek fans intend to grab the Enterprise and hurl it through time so that the real Kirk can come back and challenge the imposters...

"Mr. Spock, it would appear that your drug test turned up positive... and it tastes pretty good too."

"Yes. This is how popular Justin Bieber really is. The polls have been falsified."

 

[ItsGreen]

With the deflector shields up, the Enterprise crew can only watch and wait
if they will prove effective against the Moe Poke In The Eyes attack.

 

[jep]

Spock (OS): "I believe it is called "Two in the pink, one in the stink", Captain."

Sulu (OS): Oh MY!!!!"




(Nimoy "Shocker" hand courtesy of http://www.joeydevilla.com/2010/04/28/live-long-and-shocker/)

.

 

[Isis]

Spock: "Missed it by that much."

Krako: "Are you trying to get smart with me?"

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Booming Disembodied Voice: "And this is how a hand job is done."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Kirk: "This Vulcan wine is excellent, Ambassador! An impetuous little beverage with a fine bouquet and a delightful hint of fruitiness..."
Sarek (thinking): "Blah, blah, blah, blah..."

Krako: "We've heard about your Captain Kirk. He's supposed to be quite the lady's man! ... No! Really?"

 

[Maurice]

KIRK: Dammit, one of Howard Anderson's boys got his hands in front of the animation camera again!

KIRK: Ummm... <smacks lips unsurely> ...what do you Vulcans call this?
SAREK: Lift-Leg Ale. It's twice filtered.

KRAKO: What could possibly be that small?
SPOCK: The relative size of the careers of our supporting cast after this show is cancelled.

 

[M'Sharak]

Kirk: What is that?
Sulu: Giant green hand in space, sir.
Kirk: Yesss, (mimics backhand slap) I can see that, Mister Sulu, but...
where did it come from? Mister Chekov?
Chekov: I don' know, sir. It vas chust there - no sensor readings, no
road sign warning about it, nothing!

 

[WendyNotsid]

Kirk: Alright everyone, we should be okay as long as we don't cross the streams.

Uhura: Wrong franchise, Captain

Kirk: No, this definitely is not what my pee should look like.

Nimoy: Our budget was reduced to about this much, that's why I'm wearing a clip-on tie.

 

[Gil T.Azell]

"Yes. This is how popular Justin Bieber really is. The polls have been falsified."

^ Winner!

Booming Disembodied Voice: "And this is how a hand job is done."

Sulu: (o/s) "Oh my!"

Kirk: "Ok who put the purple Micro- dot in the Kool-Aid?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

UHURA: I'm picking up an audio transmission as well....

KIRK: Put it on speakers Lt. Uhura.

(VO): HULK SMASH!!!!!

SAREK: Be carefull of the seeds in the plomeek juice, they are fatal if swallowed.

KIRK: Now he tells me.

SPOCK: Do you know what this is?

KRAKO: No.

SPOCK: The worlds smallest Vulcan Lyre playing just for you.