J-E-T-S SUCK SUCK SUCK!!!
Hmm...stepping out of bounds before the first down marker. Is this a new strategy I don't know about?
Hmm. Maybe you just suck at watching TV. The replay was clear that the man with that end of the chains moved about two yards to his left so that Dustin Keller wouldn't run into him. He did this while Keller was catching the ball, facing the other direction. Our Boy Dustin then ran out of bounds to the left of the marker, not noticing it had moved. No real blame to be had there. Were I a tight end, I probably would be used to telling where I get a first down by looking at the big veritical orange thing, and if I worked on the side lines I probably wouldn't want a tight end to run into me.
Now. Onto the rest of the team.
Defense--good job. Well, most of you. Antonio Cromartie--you know that once you make one awesome play, you have to keep making plays, right? An interception doesn't mean Coach Ryan will take you and the boys out for pizza after the game and then you get to sneak off and neck with a cheerleader. You know that, right?
Kyle Wilson: Look. Look. You're not in Boise anymore. Sure, the team you played last night takes their name from a poem, but that doesn't mean you're playing a small liberal arts college from I-AA. You're playing a real team with real receivers. Act like it.
Rest of defense: Good job. The Ravens really weren't spectacular last night. Joe Flacco showed excellent poise, but you still got to him, what, twice? Three times? Their run game was awful. You looked good out there, everybody-but-Cromartie-and-Wilson.
Offense: LT? Good job. Everybody else? Fuck you. Shonn Greene, you fucking butterfingers. You fumble twice and drop a screen pass? Yeah, fuck you. Braylon Edwards, is your beard cursed? Illegal shift and running into the kicker? Are you reaching into the rule book for obscure penalties? Are you going to spend all week thumbing through the NFL rule book and get us called next week for Falconry At An Inappropriate Time or Alchemical Practices or some shit? Jesus.
Brian Schottenheimer--I am coming for you. The fact you were a college backup doesn't mean you should train Mark Sanchez to play like a fucking college backup. You have Braylon Edwards, Jerricho Cotchery, Dustin Keller, and, out of the backfield, LT. That's a good set of receivers. Not pro bowl caliber, but good. And Schotty? You did nothing with them. You refused to throw deep against a Ravens defense whose only weakness was its secondary. Do you get a bonus for being drunk at game time through week 12 or something? Or are you just really good at hiding the liquor bottles from Rex and Woody?
Oh, and Dustin? Next time look at the ground. The marker on the ground--it's orange, too--showed where the real first down line was.
Wow, somebody's channeling his inner Timby! Needs more profanity and violence to match him, though. 
