Womens Right NOT Have Children and the Stigmas That Go With It..

[Mary Ann]

A friend I've known for 25 years told me that she's not having kids because she's "selfish". I told her she'd be selfish if she didn't want kids but had them anyway. Childless-by-choice people aren't selfish; they're secure in their knowledge of what they want and do not cave in to societal and familial pressure to reproduce. If you don't want kids, for goodness' sake, don't have them, not just for your own good, but for the good of those children. Miserable parents have miserable children. Oh, I'm a married mother of 3, and my youngest has special needs, which makes parenting that much more interesting.

 

[Hermiod]

While I fully support the right of anyone, male or female, to have all opportunities available to them and to live their lives as they see fit, I wouldn't apply the label “arbitrary” to something that's innate in our biology and the result of millions of years of evolution.

It is arbitrary. Yes, biologically speaking, women carry the children but once they're born it's us humans who make a conscious choice about who raises them.

 

[Teelie]

Just because we're biologically wired to have children doesn't mean we should. It's already a burden on society, the environment and just in general to manage what we have now. I'm not saying people shouldn't have children or that it's a bad time to or any of that nonsense but encouraging more people to have kids is not necessary. If anything we should encourage people to have fewer children.

Give people the freedom to not feel they must have children or that not having children is selfish or something to feel guilty about. It's not and childless couples are not something to be pitied or frowned upon.

 

[Marie1]

^ I don't know if children are a burden on society in all respects- if the kids parent's are kind, and the kids can take care of them in their old age- it's a great help. When it works out that way.

 

[Captain Shaw]

I hate it when someone asks me if I want children, and I say no and they come out with "well your still young you will probably feel different in a few years time."

 

[SVD]

I'm a step further back, intercourse makes me squirm, and I'm heterosexual.

I'll have kids only by adoption, if any. Kids are high stress!

 

[Teelie]

^ I don't know if children are a burden on society in all respects- if the kids parent's are kind, and the kids can take care of them in their old age- it's a great help. When it works out that way.

I don't mean children themselves are a burden, but the addition to the population. The population we've got is already on the edge of unsustainable (with plenty of people who think we've past it). What I meant was a lot of people have this expectation of family being 2-3 kids. Where does it stop? People don't need to have children to be successful or to be a contribution to society or beneficial but that's kind of the unwritten rule. Have kids and contribute something.

Though if you want to take the cynical view, we've got plenty of children who are a burden to society through no fault of their own but through poor parental supervision or those who are unwanted and given up for adoption or orphaned. That's not what I meant either however.

 

[RJDiogenes]

Girls are programmed from birth to be little mommies, even in this day and age. It's not so much different for men. Being from a family of throwbacks, I've often been subjected to pressure to marry and reproduce, because not doing so represents social failure (although the jealousy underlying this posturing is painfully obvious). Luckily, I just laugh at throwbacks.

I'm a step further back, intercourse makes me squirm

Well, I should hope so.

 

[Marie1]

^ I don't know if children are a burden on society in all respects- if the kids parent's are kind, and the kids can take care of them in their old age- it's a great help. When it works out that way.

I don't mean children themselves are a burden, but the addition to the population. The population we've got is already on the edge of unsustainable (with plenty of people who think we've past it). What I meant was a lot of people have this expectation of family being 2-3 kids. Where does it stop? People don't need to have children to be successful or to be a contribution to society or beneficial but that's kind of the unwritten rule. Have kids and contribute something.

Though if you want to take the cynical view, we've got plenty of children who are a burden to society through no fault of their own but through poor parental supervision or those who are unwanted and given up for adoption or orphaned. That's not what I meant either however.

There's supposedly enough food and space for even more people, it's just a matter of crappy distribution + try to donate food to the poor, and a warlord or someone steals and keeps it all.

But yeah, since we can't support the population, growing it doesn't seem like a good idea- tho it's the people in the worst shape that seem to have the most kids.

That being said- I don't see why having kids = a contribution to society either- especially if the parents don't have time or the desire to *be parents* -teach them, spend time with them, so they can support themselves, help others, and not be jerks. I think it'd be nice if some of these people who "needed" kids would adopt- even if those kids were older!! Especially if you're going to spend 100s of thousands to get pregnant- why not take someone out of an orphanage?? That would be making a contribution to society, IMO.

And then the kids can maybe help the parents in their old age, so they don't need "as much" social assistance, as long of a stay in a home etc.

 

[sidious618]

I hate it when someone asks me if I want children, and I say no and they come out with "well your still young you will probably feel different in a few years time."

I'm tired of that, too.

 

[DanCPA]

Girls are programmed from birth to be little mommies, even in this day and age.

And I doubt that'll ever change.
Plus, being a parent is the most wonderful reward I have ever had in my life. I don't think that people without kids can truly understand that.

 

[sidious618]

Plus, being a parent is the most wonderful reward I have ever had in my life. I don't think that people without kids can truly understand that.

For you maybe. But people are different and not everyone shares the same life interests.

 

[DanCPA]

Plus, being a parent is the most wonderful reward I have ever had in my life. I don't think that people without kids can truly understand that.

For you maybe. But people are different and not everyone shares the same life interests.

That's also true... But the overwhelming majority agrees with me... hence our desire to assimilate you

 

[sidious618]

That's also true... But the overwhelming majority agrees with me... hence our desire to assimilate you

But why? Why do people feel this need? Do you really want people who don't want kids to have kids? That's incredibly destructive.

 

[Kestra]

Girls are programmed from birth to be little mommies, even in this day and age.

I haven't had pressure from my parents to have children, at all. And growing up I never wanted to have children. Then something in my body went off and was like "Babies! NOW!" I've been able to ignore it so far, but it's amazing how powerful it is even without giving into social pressures.

I hate it when someone asks me if I want children, and I say no and they come out with "well your still young you will probably feel different in a few years time."

I'm tired of that, too.

You'll feel differently when you're older.

 

[Tribbles]

My husband and I have been given a fair amount of grief about not wanting kids. In response to this decision, I've been told a few rude things that have hurt my feelings. I try to let it roll off me, but some people are so judgmental about it. I realize it's still going against the status quo a bit, but good grief, I don't think the world is running short on inhabitants.

Partially as a way to soften the blow, I've started telling my nosy family and friends that if we do change our minds when we're older, I'm more inclined to adopt. I was told, well, that doesn't compare to having one of your own, and you never know what you're going to get when you adopt. Yeah, try saying that to someone who is unable to have kids and see how well it goes over...

We also get that all-knowing "You'll want them when you're older" comeback, followed by smug glances between those in the room who do have children. Makes me want to not have any just out of spite.

 

[nevermore]

I've always known I wouldn't have children, primarily because I really don't like them. I've never experienced any judgement or pressure on the topic. Then again, I don't exactly hang around with the minivan and picket fence set, so it's not something that comes up.

 

[Daneel]

I've never made any secret of the fact that I'm indifferent to the idea of having children. If the right woman came along, and she wanted kids, then yeah, maybe, but I'm not holding my breath. I'm not planning my life around whether or not I have kids -- but then again, I hardly ever make long-term plans about anything.

In any event, I don't think it's too likely that I'll have children, and I'm fine with that. I haven't met much criticism whenever I state this... except from my parents, of course. I'm pretty sure they want grandchildren someday. Well, they still have my sister, although with her being gay, she obviously won't be having any kids the old-fashioned way. She'd probably adopt, if anything, and while I'm sure my parents wouldn't be opposed to that, I think they want a biological grandchild too. In fact, my mom once admitted to me that she wants her genes to be carried on. I guess that drive is pretty strong.

As for women who don't want kids, yeah, a lot of other people have difficulty accepting that, for some reason. I remember my aunts talking about a friend of theirs who didn't want children, and they just couldn't wrap their heads around it. I really don't get that attitude; clearly having kids is just not for everyone.

I have a friend, in her late thirties now, who had a miscarriage back when she was married. The doctors told her she'd probably never be able to carry a child to term, so she decided instead to just get her tubes tied, and that was that. She has no regrets about it, and seems quite happy being childless. Of course, not all of her female relatives are so accepting. Some apparently have told her that it's too bad she'll "never be a woman".

So yeah, some of these stigmas are definitely alive and well in this day and age.

 

[Nerdius Maximus]

I think the stigma is still very much alive and well. My husband and I got married last year, and since then have endured an almost-constant barrage of "when are kids happening?" This from members of our family who knew before we got married that we were not planning on having children ( ) but also from nearly complete strangers who assume that we must have gotten married because we wanted to reproduce.


*ahem*

Sorry. It's one of my pet peeves that it is automatically assumed that I want children because I am female and married.

And then, of course, I hear "but you're a teacher, don't you like children?" Of course I like children - I just don't want them to be mine

I hear that all the time. "When are you guys gonna have some kids? When's the baby due?" My wife's on too many different medications for various lifelong health issues. She'd have to quit those if she was pregnant. I tell people that, and two or three weeks later it's "When are ya'll gonna have keeeuds?!?!"

 

[scotpens]

I don't know if children are a burden on society in all respects- if the kids parent's are kind, and the kids can take care of them in their old age- it's a great help. When it works out that way.

“I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.”
— Rita Rudner​

I haven't had pressure from my parents to have children, at all. And growing up I never wanted to have children. Then something in my body went off and was like “Babies! NOW!”

Yep, it's the old biological clock ticking a countdown -- when you realize you have only nine eggs left, and not all of them may be good!