Your script revisions.

[T'Girl]

MARTHA: Yes, I suppose if someone were to fall off a cliff or something, that might upset the balance of the population. Then they would need a replacement.

KIRK: They'd need a replacement. Opinion, Mister Spock?

SPOCK: I see no alternative.

MARTHA: But these people, I mean, they don't know anything about hot nasty sex.

KIRK: Mister Spock? You're the science officer. Why don't you explain it to the young lady.

SPOCK: Well, I believe it's safe to assume that Vaal would give them the necessary access to internet porn.

MCCOY: Learn sex from a machine? Now that's something I'd like to see.

 

[Finn]

Um.... In before the lock

p.s. is this your first drunk thread?...

 

[JiNX-01]

So you changed the reference to the Vaal worshippers not knowing about sex. It's been a while, but it seems to me the rest of the "script" was essentially the same as the episode.

I thought this thread was going to be about revising scripts that fell short of what they could have been.

Oh, well.

 

[T'Girl]

Actual three alterations, so take a funny pill already.

 

[Orcus]

Well... for what it's worth, I think it has potential. Potential for what, I have no idea - but potential it is and this has it...

 

[Cheapjack]

Try rewriting Justice.



Worf makes the whole female population bow-legged?

 

[TheKeeper]

Try rewriting Justice.



Worf makes the whole female population bow-legged?

Instead of jogging and primitive baseball, Wesley takes up the hot blonde girl's offer of another type of "game." There's no tresspass or greenhouse destruction, so the Enterprise soon leaves in peace. That is, until we discover that:

- the blonde contracted "space" herpes from Wesley,
- the blonde gave Wesley "space" herpes, or
- the blonde is pregnant, leading to the Edo gods chasing down the Enterprise to arrange for a 'shotgun wedding.'

 

[Cheapjack]

I think they'd have very good contraception on a planet of love. They do in my house.

 

[T'Girl]

- the blonde is pregnant, leading to the Edo gods chasing down the Enterprise
to arrange for a 'shotgun wedding.'

Or Wesley discovers a nipple on his wrist and Doctor Beverly has to tell her son that he's pregnant. The rest of season one is filled with pregnant Wesley jokes. Wesley walking slowly down the corridor holding the small of his back. Wesley with weird food cravings. Wesley suddenly crying.

Wesley informing Captain Picard just how much he needs to pee.

 

[Captrek]

SPOCK: I’ll have you checkmated your next move.
KIRK: Have I ever mentioned you play a very irritating game of chess, Mister Spock?
SPOCK: Irritating? Ah, yes. One of your Earth emotions.
(Kirk moves his bishop.)
KIRK: Certain you don’t know what irritation is?
SPOCK: That is not a valid move. You are required to move the rook.
KIRK: Computer, analyze current chess game. Is the bishop a valid move?
COMPUTER: Yes.
SPOCK: You reprogrammed the computer again, didn’t you?
(Kirk twiddles thumbs, whistles, and looks away.)
SPOCK: That was clever when it had the virtue of never having been tried. Now it’s just... Yes, I do know what irritation is. The fact that one of my ancestors married a human female...
KIRK: Terrible having bad blood like that.
SPOCK: Mock my Vulcan ways if you will, but if I were human, I’d slug you in the jaw right about now.
KIRK: If you were human, I’d kick your ass.


NERO: I would rather suffer the end of Romulus a thousand times. I would rather die in agony than accept assistance from you.
KIRK: Nero, don’t be a dick. Let’s find some common ground. You hate Spock. I can relate. Beam over, I’ll hold him and you can hit him.

 

[Smellincoffee]

In Nemesis, instead of Picard randomly "detecting positron emissions", I would alter the script to have a Federation survey team on the planet who stumbled upon an intact, but inactive droid identical in form to Commander Data, contact the Enterprise-E to inform them of their discovery.

Also, instead of Janeway telling Picard he's the closest ship, I think it would be better if she told him he was one of their best diplomats.

 

[milo bloom]

In Nemesis, instead of Picard randomly "detecting positron emissions", I would alter the script to have a Federation survey team on the planet who stumbled upon an intact, but inactive droid identical in form to Commander Data, contact the Enterprise-E to inform them of their discovery.

Also, instead of Janeway telling Picard he's the closest ship, I think it would be better if she told him he was one of their best diplomats.

I've got a Nemesis one I always drag out when this topic comes up:

La Forge: We've reassembled the parts sir, it looks exactly like Data.

Picard: And also just like Lore? Very well, chuck them into the nearest supernova, then join us on holodeck 3 for margaritas and some Clue/LARP.

 

[Captrek]

I we’re throwing out ideas for serious discussion and not just being silly, here’s a thought.

In TWOK, Spock’s celebrated sacrifice isn’t really a sacrifice, because the wages of inaction is death. He merely choses to die saving his shipmates rather than die with his shipmates.

Suppose the script were tweaked a little so that inaction would leave the ship in danger, but not hopelessly doomed. If Spock does nothing, the 400 people alive on the ship may get lucky and survive or they may get unlucky and die. If he enters the radiation chamber and fixes the reactor, he will definitely die, but everybody else will be safe.

By Vulcan logic, the choice is obvious. A 95% chance of 399 people surviving is preferred to a 50% chance of 400 surviving. Logical. Selfless. Heroic. But nobody will ever know what would have happened had he chosen differently, whether he saved 399 who otherwise would have died or merely killed one (himself) who otherwise would have lived.

What do you think?

 

[JiNX-01]

Actual three alterations, so take a funny pill already.

I'm all out. Guess you're just going to have to explain it to me.

 

[Whoa Nellie]

I've got a Nemesis one I always drag out when this topic comes up:

La Forge: We've reassembled the parts sir, it looks exactly like Data.

Picard: And also just like Lore? Very well, chuck them into the nearest supernova, then join us on holodeck 3 for margaritas and some Clue/LARP.

Nicely done! Bravo!

Warmest Wishes,
Whoa Nellie