Movie Caption Contest #147: You Just Love To Hate Them

[Rat Boy]

Get out of the chair, because it's time for another caption contest. First, as always, let's cheer on...

I had trouble picking a winner for the first one, mainly because all the ones from one captioner in particular were so good, so I figured what the hell...

[urinating sound]

Harriman: Shouldn't someone tell Captain Scott this isn't the men's room and that's not a urinal?

Kirk: Just let him go. He's old and senile and it takes him at least ten minutes to find his dick to pee in the first place because he's so fat.

Doohan: I've had enough of this shitty movie. Where the fuck is the craft services table?

Doohan: Okay, I've said my line.

[walks off set]

Doohan: If you'll excuse me, I've got an audition for the lead role in "Cannon: The Movie" I have to get to.

Doohan: Screw you guys, I'm going home!

And for a dose of reality, our winner is...

Guinan: "They actually did it... they went to the moon..."
Chekov: "Take it easy... take it easy..."

For being a little too overprotective of one's career, our winner is...

Mocking Reading Rainbow was the last thing Gates recalled before LeVar punched her.

And lastly, for invoking a Leslie Nielsen moving not named Airplane, our winner is...

Riker: Talk.
Soren: You're too late.
Riker: He already said that.
Soren: Where'd he leave off?
Riker: Er, "Lursa and B'Etor have Plan B in... ”
Soren: Oh, yeah. Lursa and B'Etor have Plan B in... in...
Riker: Where? Where?! Talk, you low-life scum!!
Soren: Gee, if that's your attitude, forget it. (dies)

Congratulations to the winners! First up this week, Khan offers Terrell and Chekov coffee only to discover all that Kirk left him with was Sanka. Next, Khan realizes that during his reign he shouldn't have had all the tech support lines moved overseas. And finally, Data finally gets a tattoo. Enjoy:

 

[Rat Boy]

Terrell: "You sure those aren't Centaurian slugs?"

Khan: "What? Absolutely not. Any idiot worth his salt would know Centaurian slugs can't do jack crap."

Kirk: "Khan, I'm laughing at the smooth Corinthian leather."

Khan: "That's soft Corinthian leather. Why can't anyone get that right?!"

Data: "It is not you, it is just that I am not used to doing it with an audience."

 

[Mr Silver]

Khan: "For 15 years i've worked around the clock to get this hooch correct and now you Gentleman will have the pleasure of taking the first sip

Reliant Computer: "Psst! Did you know that can get any two starters, two entrees and two drinks from Olive Garden at only $9.99?

Borg Queen: "You've got an eyelash on your cheek be still, i'll get it"




(Note: For the Olive Garden thing, I know i'm not America, but i've watched American TV and the commercials are absolutely dreadful but catchy enough to be drummed into you :P)

 

[Rat Boy]

Terrell: "Chekov, I thought you weren't on the Enterprise back then."

Khan: "Quiet! You're ruining my rant!"

 

[bullethead]

Khan: Gentlemen, this is the finest chilli in the universe, made to the exacting standards of my followers. Can you take the heat?
Chekov: This is for making you wait for that toilet back on the Enterprise, isn't it.

Despite Joachim's warnings, Khan simply had to see how bad Stargate: Universe's writing was for himself.

Borg Queen: Now Data, there's no reason to get all weepy. All I want you to do is vaporize the UPN executives in charge during Enterprise's run. Then you can get that full facial you wanted.

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Terrell (whispering to Chekov): "That chest......it's a faaaaaake!"

 

[LeadHead]

Khan: Allow me to introduce you to Ceti Alpha V's only remaining Indigenous Life Form.

Chekov: That's not Indigenous, the BP CEO was exiled from Earth hundreds of years ago.

Kirk: (over comm) This is Admiral Kirk. We tried it once your way Khan, are you game for a rematch?

Joachim: Well?

Khan: I'm thinking! I'm thinking!

Queen: There's been a change of plans Data. I'm going to turn into Susanna Thompson.

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Khan, I'm laughing at the man boobs."

Khan: "Full impulse power!"

Joachim: "No, sir! You have Genesis, you can have whatever..."

Khan: "FULL POWER, DAMN YOU!"

 

[Captain Crow]

Thanks for the win Rat Boy.

Khan: Would you like some of my freshly made Bunt Cake?

[pulls off plastic cake cover]

[fart noise]

Khan: It was the chair!

 

[Nerys Myk]

KHAN: Who wants ice cream?

 

[Nerys Myk]

Kirk: "Khan, I'm laughing at the smooth Corinthian leather."

Khan: "That's soft Corinthian leather. Why can't anyone get that right?!"

Kirk: "I was talking about your chest."

 

[BriGuy]

Khan: Please forgive the crude delivery of these hors d'oeuvres. Our Lazy Susan was destroyed in the crash.

Pig in a blanket, captain?

 

[LeadHead]

Khan: What do you think? It killed 20 of my people, including my beloved wife, and my beloved mistress, probably my beloved TV repairman...

Joachim: We've just been emailed, Kirk put the video of the first attack on FAIL Blog. A lot of 'lolz' when they used the Prefix codes.

Queen: I love you Data.

Data: Yeah, about that... I'd been without for 8 years, and I still think I can do better than you.

 

[LeadHead]

Khan: This was recovered from someplace called Fantasy Island...

Queen: I am the most beautiful Borg in all of the Collective.

Borg Collective: We'd hit that.

 

[Maurice]

Fresh, hot tortillas, anyone?

KHAN: What?! Some people like TMP more than THIS movie? I shall have my revenge!

BORG QUEEN: You are...fully functional, aren't you?
DATA: May I request wire cutters so I can neuter myself?

 

[Nerys Myk]

Fresh, hot tortillas, anyone?

CHEKOV: Dont you mean chapatis?

KHAN: Huh yeah....what did I say?

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Khan: "Just so you know.....they're real and they're spectacular!"

 

[LeadHead]

Khan was very upset to learn that Mullets were not popular anymore.

 

[Rat Boy]

Try as he might, even with his superior intellect, Khan couldn't figure out where that cut on his left boob came from.

 

[Trekker4747]

Khan: Ahhh. How are you my little friend?
Terrell: Is he talking to the brain slug?
Chekov: I don't tink so.

Khan: WTF?! That's how they ended Lost?
Helmsman: Six years of my life wasted.

Data: Safe word! SAFE WORD!!!