SULU: There.
Now YOU'VE got Contagious Overractus too!
RILEY: BASTARD!!
TOS Caption Contest #171: Bridge to Nowhere
- Thread starter Rat Boy
- Start date
SULU: There.
Now YOU'VE got Contagious Overractus too!
RILEY: BASTARD!!
As the first five-year mission progressed, Captain Kirk got steadily worse at guessing the hidden number in Sulu's right hand.
"Captain, an incoming transmission from Rabbit's burrow. "I'm not home". Should we take his word for it, or beam down a landing party to make sure?"
Kirk (tapping head): "Think...think...think".
Alright.
Which one of you sick jokers tossed a used condom in my hair?
Kirk: "Hmmm. The bridge colors seem really washed out now that those old-style lens flare generation units have been removed."
Why the hell does my green leisure shirt point down at my crank?
My name is Hikaru.
I take care of the console when the Captain is away.
Sulu: "OK, Chekov, it's all set: We mutiny tonight. Be ready."
Riley: "Uh, sir... I'm not Chekov, and I'll have no part of any mutiny!"
Sulu: "Wha?? Oh.... er... yeah. Sorry, Riley. Say, that uniform of yours is rather
dirty. Why don't you put on this brand new shirt and I'll see to it that your old one gets washed."
Riley: "Sweet, I love red shirts! Thanks Sulu!"
.
Sulu: "Did you know that about ninety percent of the crew thinks you and I are sleeping together? And since just about everyone already thinks we are, doesn't seem to me there's really any reason why we shouldn't."
Riley: "What? Where the hell did they get an idea like that?"
Sulu: "Oh...I might have mentioned it..."
[Then Sulu shuffles off while an odd repetitive four note piece of music plays in time with his foot steps]
My name is Hikaru.
I take care of the console when the Captain is away.
If you doubt me NOW, Riley...just WAIT until Spock sits back in the captain's chair!
I hid TWO whoopee cushions under the seat!!
SHATNER(thinking): Should I try to get rid of my new gut?
Naaaaaaah. No one will ever notice or say anything.
SCOTTY: What's going on, Uhura? Why did the Captain just order the Enterprise into the Neutral Zone?
UHURA: Something about a lost bet, being drunk last night and wanting to prove he could still get SOMETHING "up." Ya got me, Scotty.
Hey.
I'm getting off duty now. Wanna join me in my quarters to smoke a meat sausage?
Scotty: "C'mon, Uhura. We 'red shirts' have to watch each other's back."
Uhura: "Sorry, Scotty, but Carolyn Palamas already warned me that you take 'watching a girl's back' a little too literally."
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UHURA: WOW.
Nothing personal, Scotty...you know I love ya dearly....but you need to take a SHOWER.
Seriously...do something. It's like a cow stepped in its own poop and then died in your armpits.
Even the most legendary and talented Starfleet captain of the 23rd century couldn't figure out WHAT the hell the blinky lights on the wall behind him were supposed to do.